Wait - WHAT?
by cybergirl26
Summary: How Ted learned what was really going on between Barney and Robin. Set between the end of Season 2 and Season 4 but not connected to any particular episode. Rated M to be on the save side.
1. Chapter 1

**Tokyo – Present Day**

The buzzing of her cell phone caught her attention, "just let it ring," Barney muttered while opening her bra. She was lying underneath him in a hotel room in Tokyo and had no real intention to answer the call, yet, it was almost four in the morning and she was wondering who would call her this late. The display gave it away, Ted.

Barney had stopped kissing her shoulder and had also turned to her cell, "what's his problem?" he asked before turning his attention back to her naked body.

"Only one way to find out," she whispered and answered the phone, "What's up Ted?" she asked, Barney pushed his upper body up and looked her in the eyes before kissing her. Robin smiled against his lips, talking on the phone to Ted while messing around with Barney was a lot hotter than she'd ever expected.

"That's actually what I was going to ask you," Ted sounded very angry and yet it took her a few more seconds before she broke the kiss with Barney and concentrated on the phone conversation again.

"Just tell me what's going on Ted, you may not have noticed but it's the middle of the night over here," she placed her free hand in Barneys neck while he caressed her breasts.

"Carl told me about you and Barney."

Robin felt her heart rate go up, yet she sounded fairly cool when she asked, "what about me and Barney?"

At the sound of his name, Barney had stopped and looked up at her, she shrugged her shoulders and tried to stay calm, what could Carl possibly know? "He told me that you guys have been fooling around for months! Even before we broke up, Robin! WHAT THE HELL? Are you guys dating?" Ted was shouting now and Barney didn't have to try hard to hear everything, he laughed silently before diving down to kiss her.

Once again it took Robin a few seconds to break the kiss and turn her attention back to Ted and the phone call, "Ted, I am gonna have to be at work in a couple of hours, so I will only say this once, Barney is neither my boyfriend nor my lover!"

She ended the phone and kissed Barney wildly, when they gasped for air she whispered, "he is my husband", which turned both of them on in a way they never thought the concept of marriage ever would.

**New York City – Present Day**

"What did she say?" Lily wanted to know immediately once he hung up. "She denied it and hung up," Ted answered matter of factly. How the hell did they get into this mess?

An hour earlier….

It was a nice Sunday afternoon and neither one of them had wanted to make lunch, so they had decided to go down to McLarens and grab something there. Wendy's shift wasn't starting until tonight so Carl had taken the orders himself, "are Barney and Robin coming or is it just the three of you today?" he asked after placing the drinks on the table.

"Just us and we are ready to order," Marshall answered.

"Let me guess, the two are still making up the most outrageous stories to hide the fact that they are hooking up?" Carl asked delighted.

"What? No, Robin has a job in Tokyo now and god only knows where Barney is," Ted had answered, laughing at the ridiculous ordered their food and Carl left.

"Barney and Robin," Lily said giggling, "like THAT would ever happen. I mean I am sure Barney has fantasized about her but Robin is way too smart and well to aware of all the disgusting things he has done to ever go there."

"Yeah, seriously, she wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole;" Marshall added but Ted's mind had already started spinning, "yeah, of course but they do get along really well when you think about it. And Carl seemed pretty sure."

"Ted, do you really believe that Robin would hook up with Barney?" Lily asked him and Marshall added, "plus it's against the Bro Code and no one takes that more seriously than Barney."

"You are probably right," Ted concluded and they picked their previous conversation about what movie to go see later that night up again. But, when Carl came back with their food, Ted had to ask; "what did you mean by Barney and Robin hooking up? Have you ever caught them or noticed something?"

Carl contemplated what he should answer; clearly, this thing between Barney and Robin had not been noticed by any of their friends. He thought back to the first time he caught them messing around…

**8 Months Prior McLarens**

It was a hectic night at McLarens, a bachelorette party had found its way into the bar and the attendees had gotten way too drunk. One of them bumped into Wendy as she was heading to a table in the back with a big tray of beer mugs and while Wendy went to the tap to get new ones he had kneeled down to collect the broken glass.

It was a coincidence that his eyes trailed over to the booth were five of his most loyal customers sat. Ted and Robin were sitting on one side, Marshall and Lily on the other, Barney was seated at the head of the table. He had already looked back down to get the remaining pieces of glass when his mind realized what he had just witnessed, he glanced over to the booth again but it wasn't a mistake.

Barney had his hand way underneath Robins skirt. He shook his head, those five had a turbulent friendship, he could have sworn that Robin was dating Ted and that they were going strong.

He looked back over there but Robin hadn't pushed Barneys hand away yet, he'd guessed that they had broken up and that Robin had already moved on but later that night he watched as Ted and Robin left the bar together holding hands while Barney stayed behind.

"Common, if you know something you have to tell us," Ted's words brought Carl back to the reality, he shrugged his shoulders, "I guess I must have been mistaken," he said, even though he knew he hadn't. Even if he only imagined the first incident, there had been many more; dirty hand stuff underneath the table became a regular thing, them leaving within minutes of each other too and then of course the two times he caught them having sex in the alley.

"You sounded pretty sure of yourself a minute ago," Ted insisted.

"Look Ted, this is none of my business." Carl replied, "Anything else I can get you?"

"Dude, seriously, it's not like anyone would get mad or do something crazy, we just really haven't noticed," Ted tried to convince the bartender. Marshall and Lily had already started eating and were eagerly following the conversation.

"Why don't you just ask one of them about it?"

"Cause they will never tell me the truth, you know how secretive and anti-commitment they are," Carl sighed, he liked Ted and it had bugged him that Robin was so openly cheating on him while they were still dating, on the other hand this really wasn't his secret to tell.

"Please Carl, just tell us," Ted said and sounded so calm that Carl believed he wouldn't do something stupid once he knew.

"I've caught them doing stuff a couple of times, okay?" he said, "no way!" Lily shouted and Marshall asked, "define 'stuff' please, cause that could imply a lot of stuff."

Carl ignored Marshall and instead focused on Ted, "like recently?"

Carl shrugged, "first time around Halloween, I remember cause there was a bachelorette party and they had a Halloween theme." He noticed how Ted swallowed hard and took the opportunity to get out of this conversation and back to the bar.

"Oh my gosh, Robin cheated on me – with Barney!" Ted realized and immediately grabbed his phone to confront her about it.

**New York City – Present Day**

"Maybe Carl got the timeline wrong, I mean bachelorette parties have the weirdest themes year round" Marshall said softly.

"We broke up the week before Thanksgiving remember? It had come as such a shock to me cause I wanted to take her home for Turkeyday, I thought things were going better than ever, I mean the sex was amazi…oh no, do you think she was picturing Barney the whole time?"

"Ted sweetie, I think you are overthinking this whole thing. Robin just told you that nothing is going on between her and Barney," Lily insisted but Ted didn't believe it, "yeah but Carl said he caught them, he wasn't just throwing something out there, he actually saw them!" He grabbed his phone again, "who are you calling?" Marshall asked, "Barney, if Robin doesn't want to tell me the truth, maybe he will."

**Tokyo – Present Day**

"I honestly thought he would call quicker," Barney said, stretching his arm out to reach his phone while simultaneously trying to continue the very hot make out session with Robin Ted's initial phone call had prompted.

"I'd hoped he wouldn't call again," Robin answered in-between kisses, "go for Barney!" Barney shouted in the phone and kissed her again.

"Barney, are you coming down to McLarens today? I need to talk to you," Barney smiled, held the phone away from him and Robin and whispered, "he wants to confront me face to face," into her ear.

"No can do Babydoll," Barney finally answered into his phone, Robin giggled, seemingly a little too loud because Ted asked, "was that Robin? Is she back in New York?"

"Dude, Robin is in Tokyo, everyone knows that." Barney pulled Robins thighs up and pushed inside her.

"Barney are you in Tokyo?" he heard Ted ask, he was trying hard not to moan into the phone but it was getting harder by the second.

"Barney WHERE are you?" Ted asked and Barney grinned, "right now, I am inside Robin Scherbatsky," and he hung up.


	2. Chapter 2

**New York City – Present Day**

Ted starred at the phone in his hand, he immediately felt sick and wanted to throw up. Lily and Marshall were talking to him but all he could hear was his own heartbeat. Slowly the world around him came into focus again and the first thing that caught his attention was the beeping sound coming from his cell phone. He starred at the screen and slowly moved his fingers to hang up.

"What did he say?" Marshall and Lily asked simultaneously.

Ted just shook his head and seemingly his facial expression said it all because both Lily and Marshall stopped asking questions and instead exchanged worried looks.

"Buddy," Marshall was the first one to break the silence, "what did Barney say?"

Ted didn't want to answer, he didn't want to think anymore, he didn't even want to exist right this very second. Yet he looked into the worried eyes of his best friend and cleared his throat, "they are together…right this very second."

"That can't be, Robin would have called if she was back in New York and we just hung out with Barney Friday night, there is no way that he is in Tokyo," Lily tried to reason but Ted barely listened to what she was saying.

Marshall stepped in, "you thought you heard her in the background, right? Well, that could have been any girl, you know Barney, he is always hooking up with some chick. Your brain probably just tricked you into believing that it was Robin because of what we just found out."

Ted slowly shook his head, "no you don't understand, they aren't just in the same room together, they are actually in bed together as we speak." Saying it out loud made it even worse and he felt how his mouth dried up.

"WHAT?" Marshall asked and Lily exclaimed, "NO WAY!"

"Way," Ted mumbled and grabbed his phone, he noticed that he was trembling while he picked Barneys number out of his contact list. Of course Barney didn't pick up and when the call went to the mailbox he dropped the call and dialed the number once more.

"Robin would never sleep with Barney!" Lily tried to convince him but she didn't sound as sure of herself as earlier.

"Are you sure?" Marshall asked, Ted nodded, "yes, he just told me."

"Maybe he was kidding, you know how he is." Ted tried once more to call Barney, he was pretty sure that he wouldn't pick up but he wasn't just going to sit here while Barney was banging Robin and not at least try to do something about him.

**Tokyo – Present Day**

Robin was lying on her back, starring in the dark, the bed sheet wrapped around her while taking a whiff from the cigarette Barney handed her. Unlike Barney she usually didn't smoke afterwards but if there ever was a good reason to do so it was today. "So much for keeping it a secret," she said and handed the cigarette back to the man lying next to her.

"He pretty much already knew…Carl told him, right? How in the world does Carl know about us?" Barney asked, Robin watched the cigarette glimmer in the dark and stated matter of factly, "he saw us in the alley while taking out the trash."

"No way! Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was dark, I thought he didn't recognize us… well didn't recognize me. I figured he'd might have recognized your blond hair but would assume that you were out there with one of your random skanks." She paused for a second and then added, "he must have better night vision than I credited him for."

"Wow, you still should have told me…do you want it?" The red glimmer of the cigarette came towards her, "no thanks." She watched the glimmer disappear and felt Barney sit up in bed.

"No matter what, it's still not his place to tell Ted about us," Barney concluded, Robin nodded silently, what a mess.

They hadn't slipped up in seven months, sure there were plenty of close calls and suspicious looks from their friends but nobody really believed that there was something going on between her and the biggest womanizer in New York City. And then all the lies came crashing down when she'd least expected it, while in a hotel room with Barney in Tokyo, what was he even doing here?

**Two Days Prior**

She'd had a bad day at work and picked up a bottle of scotch on the way back to her hotel. She wasn't exactly drunk when she dialed Barney's number, maybe tipsy, but not drunk.

"Go for Barney?" a tired voice answered.

"Hey, it's me. What are you doing?" she wanted to know, "given that it's not even eight on a Saturday morning, sleeping."

She glanced to the radio clock on the bedside table, right, the time difference.

"Sorry for waking you up," she said, even through she wasn't actually feeling bad about it.

"So, what did you do last night?" she asked, "I was at McLarens with the gang; drinking beer, listening to Teds boring stories, watching Lily and Marshall being an obnoxious couple, hitting on busty blonds, you know, the usual."

She could hear him yawn, "did you take anyone home?" she asked straight forward.

"No. I am offended you would even ask me that." Robin poured herself another glass of scotch and immediately emptied it. The burning sensation of the alcohol, combined with his words calmed her down and for the first time today she wasn't feeling as if she was going to have a nervous breakdown.

"I didn't actually think that you did…it's just…I've been in Tokyo for two weeks now."

"What's really going on Scherbatsky?" he wanted to know and she wondered when he had started to figure her out so easily.

"Nothing, I am having a bad day, that's all."

"Oh I get it, you have awesomeness withdrawals cause you haven't been around the most awesome person in the world," the joke worked, she relaxed even more and was glad that she had called him.

"Flatter yourself much ?… Actually, I am starting to think that moving to Japan was a mistake. The job is not what I expected, Tokyo isn't either and I don't know anyone over here," she poured herself another glass of scotch and Barney must have heard the bottle cling against the tumbler.

"Are you getting drunk?" he asked delighted.

"Maybe…but that's not the point I am trying to make," she answered a little annoyed.

"Robin look, it's completely normal to feel anxious and get a little homesick, I mean for god's sake, you moved to JAPAN by yourself! That's wildly independent and adventurous! It's actually quiet the turn on which is a bummer cause you are like 15 flight hours away but I am getting off track… what I am trying to say is; you can do this!"

"I don't think I can," she whispered and poured herself another scotch.

"Wow, that was waaaay too whinny for Robin Scherbatsky, how much did you have to drink?"

She didn't answer and so he continued, "Robin, tomorrow morning when you are sober you will realize how silly this freak-out really is. Promise me you won't do something silly until then?"

"How can you be so sure?" she asked and Barney answered, "please." She could picture him doing his eyebrow thing while he said it and it someone that only made her more homesick.

**Tokyo Present Time**

However, that was not what had happened: She had emptied the entire bottle of scotch, woke up the next morning with the worst hang-over of her life, ordered a greasy room service burger and had passed out again.

The loud continuous knocking on the door had almost driven her insane and it took her forever to get up and answer it. When she saw Barney standing there, her first thought was that she was way drunker than she'd expected, but then he flung forward and kissed her and there was no doubt that Barney Stinson had hopped onto a plane to see her.

"Wow… 27 missed calls! Way to try to interrupt us, Ted," she heard Barney say while he lay back down.

"Can you blame him? You really shouldn't have said what you did," Robin tried to find her own cell phone, no missed calls.

"Oh common, it turned you on too," Barney justified himself.

"Not nearly as much as you," she shot back.

"Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better but we both know that it worked for both of us," yeah it had, but Robin didn't want to think about that right now, they were in serious trouble. Not only had Ted found out about her and Barney, he also believed that she had cheated on him.

"I say I move to Tokyo with you, or Argentina, or Paris, or any other place you want to live that is far away from New York City," Barney interrupted her thoughts before she could think back to the beginning of this crazy development.

"That's mature," Robin replied while turning her body towards him and resting her head on her hand.

"Seriously, what are we going to do about this?" she asked.

"I actually wasn't kidding," Barney stated and she sighted. They had talked about what would happen if Ted ever caught them, but none of their scenarios had come even close to something like this happening.

"I guess we should call him," she said.

"Yeeeah, I am not gonna do that," Barney said, she ignored him and continued, "but what do we tell him, obviously we can't tell him the truth…maybe parts of it but certainly not EVERYTHING."

"Robin seriously, this is not a conversation you want to have over the phone…I'd say we just keep quiet until everyone cools down, think this through and then have this conversation once we are back in New York," Barney suggested and prompted Robin to think about a different topic they hadn't discussed at all, "when are you going back to NYC?"

"I haven't booked a flight yet," Barney answered.

"Wow… a one-way, last minute plane ticket to Tokyo must have been expensive."

"Please," was Barneys simple answer and Robin was reminded of their phone conversation and leaned down to kiss him.

"When will you be back in New York?" he asked once their lips parted.

"I don't know… this job is really not what I expected and …"

"I got an idea," Barney interrupted her, "I've never been to Tokyo before, I've been to North Korea and China but never Japan, how about we discover the city together over the next couple of days?"

Robin smiled, "I'd like that."

"And maybe, after you see that the two of us can make every place awesome you will want to stay… and if not we will head back to New York together" Barney concluded, Robin kissed him once again, gosh, she was so happy that Barney wasn't at all like Ted and understood how important being independent was to her.

"We should still call Ted and tell him that we will talk about this in person," she whispered.

"You have his number," Barney replied, Robin took a deep breath and sat up. "As a gentleman I think you should do this for me," Robin said while fidgeting for her phone.

"Gentleman? Really? Did you not hear how I ended the last call? Plus, you are Robin Scherbatsky, you don't need me to handle anything for you."

"This isn't just my problem you know, Ted is probably figuring out ways to kill you as we speak," she had found her phone and unlocked the screen, "this is going be the worst conversation ever!"


	3. Chapter 3

**New York Present Day**

Ted was still furious, he had stopped calling Barney but hadn't touched any of his food yet. "Can you believe them?" he asked, Lily and Marshall shared a look, Ted had already asked them that fifteen times.

"Ted, maybe you misunderstood, I am sure this isn't as bad as it sounds," Marshall tried but Ted wasn't even listening and kept going.

"Seriously, Barney better never set another foot into this city, cause I will kill him! How can he do this? With Robin! Is he kidding me? What about the Bro Code? He must have broken every single paragraph on how to conduct yourself around another bro's ex-girlfriend. Around another bro's girlfriend for that matter! And Robin? I cannot believe that she would do this, with Barney of all people? He is the most disgusting, sickening psychopath in New York City and she falls for it and cheats on me with him? CHEATS!? Has she not seen how he treats and uses women over the past year? He is… " His phone interrupted his rumbling, he grabbed it and read out load, "Robin".

His thumb hovered over the phone for a second before he accepted the call and asked furious, "YES?"

"Ted," it really was Robin and he relaxed a little, he couldn't even put the hatred he felt towards Barney into words right now and therefore was glad that she was the one calling him.

"I am sorry for what Barney did," he heard her say and Ted felt a thousand emotions crashing over him all at once; anger that Barney made her apologize and didn't have the guts to call himself; sadness that she would do so; but most prominently he felt extremely disappointed and heartbroken. A small part of him had thought that maybe, just maybe, Barney had played a very crude joke on him and nothing was going on between his bro and the love of his life after all. But now, it had been Robin giggling in the background and Barney had meant what he said.

"Ted?" Robins voice sounded far away.

He swallowed and asked, "so, Barney is with you?"

It took her a couple of seconds to reply, "yes, he is in Tokyo."

Ted closed his eyes, that wasn't exactly what he meant when he had asked the question.

"Since when Robin?" was the first thing he asked although he had a million questions; how did this happen, when did this happen, had she cheated, what was going on between them and most importantly, when would he get a chance to kill Barney Stinson.

"He got here a couple of hours ago," she was avoiding the real question and it started to piss him off.

"Robin you know that is not what I am talking about!" he got loud again.

Robin hesitated before she said in a very calm tone, "Ted we will talk about everything when we get back."

"What? No! I want to know now, Robin! That's the least you can do after …. this." He was gesturing with his hands and Lily rescued his beer from the danger zone.

"We will explain everything when we get back," she insisted, her voice was still calm which only made him angrier.

"NO, we are not! What were you thinking? What are you thinking? That this is some sick game? I want to hear the truth now," he was screaming now and people turned around to look at him. Robin didn't answer right away, she probably wanted him to calm down before continuing this conversation, argh, he was furious at them.

"Let's not do this over the phone, okay?" she asked.

He took a deep breath and asked as calm as possible, "just tell me when it started and what this is."

"I can't. Not like this Ted."

"Why not? I already know you cheated and that you are with him right now, all I am asking for is…"

"Ted, please, let me explain it to you in person." His heart sunk, she sounded so sincere.

"When will you be back?" he asked.

"I… I don't know yet."

"I am not going to wait for weeks or even months for this Robin."

"I know. Barney will be back in …"

"I don't care if he ever comes back to New York, I don't want to hear his sleazy excuses, no, you know what? I never want to see him again. The only reason I want to talk to you is because I want to understand this mess." Silence.

It seemed like it lasted forever until she finally replied, "I don't think you ever will."

**Tokyo Present Day**

Robin put her cell phone down; she was still sitting in bed, looking at the only light in the room, a little red point coming off the TV. Barney had been and still was stroking her naked back with his hand while she had talked on the phone with Ted.

"That seemed to have went smoother than expected, I mean he barely screamed at you," she heard him say. Robin didn't agree, Ted didn't scream much because he was too disappointed and hurt to really put his anger into words, but nonetheless, she got the notion that as far as their friendships went, there was no coming back from this. She lay back down and decided not to tell Barney about that hunch yet.

"What did he say?" Barney asked.

"He wasn't having it. He wanted me to tell him everything now," she answered and even through they usually never cuddled in bed, she swung one arm and her leg across Barney and rested her head on his chest. Barney wrapped his arms around her.

"But you convinced him anyway."

"Well, sort of," Barney hadn't shaved his chest for the last week and the stubbles irritated her skin, she wiggled around until her head was lying on his upper arm instead.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

"Nothing, your chest hair pricks me."

"Pricks? Really? Isn't that a little over the top?" he asked delighted.

"You know what I mean," she answered, Barney moved his arm from under her and this time she was the one asking what was wrong.

"You are cutting my arms blood supply off."

Robin rolled back onto her back "man, we are horrible at couply stuff."

"Just the lame stuff. We are awesome at everything that really counts, like making each other laugh, making each other come…yeah I did…up top," she felt him move and tried to high five him, it took three tries before their hands actually connected. She could hear Barneys mean laugh and it made her smile, he was right, they weren't good at talking about their emotions or even showing them, neither of them was the hands-holding type nor the cuddling type, they didn't share food or did nicknames, hell, they never actually had the talk! But somehow they still clicked.

She felt Barney move again, he rested his head close to hers so that she could feel his warm breath against her check. His arm stretched around her stomach, "how is this for cuddling?" He asked, she placed her right arm on top of his and her left hand into his neck before answering, "pretty awesome."

**New York Present Day**

"So?" Marshall asked, Ted starred at his phone, "I think Robin is in love with Barney."

"What? She is probably just trying to justify her behavior or something, there is no way that she could actually be in love with him, it's Barney," Lily said, sure Barney had his sweet moments every now and then, like the time he slept with every girl Marshall was interested in and flew to San Francisco to tell her to come back, but those were very rare exceptions. Usually Barney spend his days hitting on anything and everything, making crude and disgusting jokes and well, being a total jackass. Lily was surprised that he hadn't been convicted of sexual assault or for that matter, criminal assault charges yet.

"What did she actually say?" Marshall asked.

"Nothing, she didn't say anything! She wants to talk about everything when she gets back to New York," Ted was shaking his head, he shouldn't have caved in so easily.

"But she admitted that Barney and her have…" Marshall paused, he was trying to think of a nice way to phrase it, "…that they have gotten closer?"

"Well, she didn't have to, she called, apologizing for something he said." He took his beer back from Lily and chugged it.

"What makes you believe that she is in love with him if she didn't even really want to talk about what's going on?" Lily asked.

Ted signaled Carl that he needed another beer, "it's … I just know. The way she stayed calm, how she talked about him… I can't really put it in words but I dated her for a year and you can trust me when I say, Robin is in love with Barney Stinson."

"Man," Marshall sighed, "if you are right, she is aboard a crazy ride and this" he gestured around the table, "mess will only be the beginning."

Lily nodded, "he will break her heart."

Ted put his head back and closed his eyes for a second, he was still way too mad at Robin to worry about it but yeah, his friends were right, Barney wouldn't even hesitate to cheat, deceive and lie.

**Tokyo The next Morning**

The alarm wasn't just going off in her head, she really had to get up and go to work. She untangled herself from Barney and tiptoed into the bathroom. The bright light stung her eyes and it took a few seconds for them to adjust. She felt and looked as if she hadn't slept at all and even the cold water splashed in her face didn't help much.

She hopped under the shower but even that didn't help, she somehow still felt as if the was caught in a terrible nightmare. She never meant anything like this to happen, she never meant to hurt Ted or endanger their friendship, she certainly didn't intent to be the reason for Barneys and Teds friendship to end. They were like brothers and now Ted didn't even want to see Barney again.

She should have told Barney what Ted said about him but she couldn't handle an upset Barney right now. He would probably panic and she wasn't a convincing enough liar to tell him that everything would be okay when she knew it wouldn't. She almost laughed when the irony occurred to her, for months they had lied and deceived their friends but yet she still thought of herself as a terrible liar.

She was applying her make-up when the ring lying next to the sink caught her eye, she picked it up, looked at it for a couple of seconds and finally slipped it onto her finger. Back in New York she had worn it on a long necklace so no one would notice it but that changed since she had arrived in Tokyo, here no one would ask questions and weirdly enough, she actually enjoyed wearing it. Seeing the ring on her finger made her smile, it reminded her of how they had picked it out…

**7 Months Prior Las Vegas**

"Dude, I don't think this is one of the chapels" Robin had exclaimed as Barney pulled her into the jewelry store. They had touched down in Vegas less than an hour earlier and this was their first stop after the airport.

"We need rings Robin," he had explained while pulling her further towards the counter.

"No we don't," she protested, again, a little too loud.

Barney turned around, "I don't want to look like a cheap jackass when the priest tells us to exchange rings."

Robin laughed, "you really think there is gonna be a priest?"

"I don't know, I never eloped before but I am pretty sure that we need rings."

Barney probably had a point, gosh, she really shouldn't have drank as much as she did on the plane, it made thinking straight hard. Well, THAT had been the plan: Not to overthink but instead just go and do it. Barney had just as much scotch as she did and for a second it occurred to her that his reasoning was just as clouded as hers and that therefore they didn't really need rings. But then he had picked an elegant wedding band within seconds for himself and she forgot about how cheesy rings were and started looking herself. What the heck, they might as well do this right! She didn't like any of the wedding bands, they all seemed lame and too tame for her.

"For a girl that didn't even want a ring two minutes ago and will only wear it for the ceremony you sure are picky," Barney had observed, she punched his arm.

"They are all boring."

"Well, they are wedding bands, what were you expecting?" Barney asked her before turning to the sales associate to get his finger sized.

"I don't know, I've NEVER looked at them before," she said while slowly starting to walk alongside the counter. Barney caught up with her when she stopped in front of the engagement rings. "We can just get one of those, which one do you like best?" he'd asked.

One particular diamond ring had already caught her eye, "I don't know Barney," she turned away from the rings and looked him into the eyes, "these are probably really expensive and it's not like it would have any sentimental meaning or so… as you said, we are just going to wear them today… I don't think we should spend so much money on a prop for the ceremony."

Barney had smiled, "just pick the one you like best okay? I already told you this trip is on me and when Barney Stinson does something, he does it right! That even includes marrying his best bro's ex-girlfriend ten days after they broke up."

The last thing Robin wanted to think about right now was Ted, "fine. I like that one." She pointed to the ring that had caught her eye earlier and Barney signaled the sales associate that they were ready.

**Tokyo Present Day**

She never found out how much the ring had cost but she was pretty sure that it hadn't come cheap. Still smiling she turned back to the mirror; she wondered what ever happened to the wedding band Barney picked out that day. The last time she had seen it was when he had pulled it off his finger the moment their plane had touched down in JFK.

"I gotta go to work," she whispered a few minutes later.

"Okay… when do you get off? Leave me the address so I can pick you up and we can start making Tokyo an awesomer place."

"I get off at four." She answered, he nodded and closed his eyes again, she thought about leaning down to kiss him goodbye but that would have been way too girlfriendly of her so she just turned around, put the address in his iPhone, turned the reading lamp off and left the hotel room.


	4. Chapter 4

**New York – Marshall and Ted's Apartment**

Marshall and Lily were lying in bed, both starring at the ceiling reminiscing about the events that had transpired that day. "Crazy huh?" Marshall asked and Lily nodded. They had watched Ted get drunk at McLarens which led him to get very vocal about how mad he was, next he tried to interrogate Carl to find out the details of what he had noticed, when that didn't worked he became somewhat violent. Marshall stepped in after Ted wiped a couple of beer bottles off the counter in an attempt to get Carl's attention and they finally made it up to the apartment. It took the two of them another two hours to convince Ted to go to bed.

"I hope he is asleep. Remember the pineapple incident?" Lily asked.

Marshall nodded, "Carl will call us if he shows up again...speaking of calling, I took his cell phone from him."

"Good call, he totally would have drunk dialed Barney and Robin."

"Yeah… I can't believe Barney is in Tokyo, how did he even get there so quick."

"Plane?" Lily asked.

"Well yeah but … have you not wondered why he felt the need to jump on the next plane and go see her?" That question had bugged him for hours now and no one else seemed to have picked up on the fact that Barney had left everything to rush to Robins side.

"Who knows," Lily shrugged, "I am way more interested to find out what got into Robin, I mean this is Barney we are talking about."

Marshall didn't understand that either, Robin was so strong and independent, he would have never pictured her as the type of woman who fell for Barneys schemes. "He can be pretty charming…just ask the countless girls he picks up," he tried and Lily replied, "but she knows that. She has witnessed how sleazy he treats these girls, how disposable they are to him. She knows that he has slept with have of the women in New York City and the awful things he's done. I mean he pretty much has told her himself, how often do we sit in our booth listening to Barney brag about his latest conquests and the demeaning things he has done to them. It's not like he could blind-side her like he did with his random skanks that fell for his smooth flirting techniques and good looks."

"Maybe it's the thrill, yes it's Barney but it's also Barney, he is daring and adventurous and as much practice as he has, I would assume the sex is good," Marshall contemplated.

Lily had to admit that he had a point, "sure but Robin isn't the kind of girl who sleeps with a guy because he is assumably good at it. Plus it's disgusting, you know how many women Barney has slept with?"

Marshall was about to answer but Lily interfered, "don't answer that! How nasty and yucky is that? I mean that alone should have prevented anything from happening.

Both fell silent, there was only one explanation: Robin must have lost her mind.

**Tokyo Present Day**

Yep, she still hated this job. Who in their right mind would think that a monkey makes a good co-host? These were serious news after all. But she didn't want to think about that right now, instead she really looked forward to spending the rest of the day exploring Tokyo with Barney. She got off the elevator and headed towards the door, the physique of a guy standing in the lobby caught her eye but it still took her a few more steps to realize that the man she was checking out was no one other than Barney.

"Wow, I almost didn't recognize you," she blurt out and closed in on him.

Barney rolled his eyes, "I know, I know. The next plane was leaving in an hour and I didn't have time to fold my dress shirts and suits so I just picked the first thing I could grab."

Robin smiled; he was wearing a white V-neck t-shirt with jeans and sneakers. "Okay, get it out of your system: I know I just look like a lame, regular guy…first stop, somewhere they sell suits!"

"Actually, I kinda like it," she placed her hand on his chest and he asked baffled, "you like it?" She nodded, "I do. I know you don't like not being suited up but this look works on you, I think you look really hot."

Barney grinned, "hot enough to take a quick detour to the next restroom?" He wiggled his eyebrows and made her laugh, "seriously Barney, how are you always so potent?"

"Well, smoking hot chicks telling me I look good help," he replied but Robin wasn't really listening anymore, something else had caught her eye.

"You are wearing your ring," she stuttered, Barney also looked down at his hand.

"Yeah, it's not like anyone will ask stupid questions, we are in Tokyo after all," he replied, Robin nodded, "why?" she looked back up to meet his gaze.

"I noticed you were wearing yours… like actually wearing it in plain sight and I decided to do the same," he explained as if it was not a big deal.

"I didn't even think you still had it," Robin confessed and Barney asked very surprised, "what would make you think that?"

"Well it disappeared after we returned from Vegas and I assumed… I mean given what this whole marriage is really about and… I mean common, it's not like you believe in any kind of marriage so I just figured you had gotten rid of it right away."

"Robin Scherbatsky, do you really believe I would get rid of something that so profoundly turns you on? This ring has just as much of a mesmerizing effect on you as the one in 'Lord of the Rings' had on Gollum."

Robins eyes widened and she quickly said, "it does not."

But Barney had already won and they both knew it, "you know it does. Just like seeing yours has that same effect on me. Nothing turns me on like unbuttoning your blouse or taking your shirt off and seeing my ring around your neck. And don't even get me started on how many times I had an erection while sitting in the booth across from you because I caught a glance of the necklace, knowing that I was the only one there who knew what the pendant was. "

Robin swallowed and starred at her own ring, "it's because of all the lies and secrets linked to it."

Barney nodded, "yeah, elaborate lies turn us on. So restroom?" Robin headed for the door and left him standing there, the weather outside was really nice and she asked what he'd planned next, "I thought we could head downtown," he replied.

**New York – Marshall and Ted's Apartment 5 hours later**

Ted woke up with a horrible headache but that wasn't why he felt as awful as he did. The thought of Robin and Barney together drove him crazy. He got up and got some aspirin from the kitchen. He couldn't wait for Robin to answer his questions, he needed them answered now, but of course that wasn't really up to him. He watched the aspirin dissolve and wondered who else knew. There had to be more people who had noticed something, clearly they weren't that careful if Carl had caught them. Whatever that meant, the bartender never budged and told him. He walked back towards the living room when the keys hanging next to the door caught his eye, one of them was Barneys, he had given it to Lily a couple of years ago. He had just wrapped his fingers around the key when Lily startled him by asking, "what are you doing?"

He spun around and faced her, "no…nothing."

But she had already connected the dots, "you were about to go to Barneys apartment, weren't you?"

Ted didn't answer and finally Lily spoke again, "I know this sucks but breaking into Barneys apartment won't give you the answers you are looking for."

"You don't know that… Lily I can't just sit here and wait for Robin to show up and explain everything to me. I need answers and I need them now, otherwise I am going to loose my mind." They locked eyes and finally Lily said, "fine, but I am coming with you."

**Tokyo Present Day**

"So, where did you keep it?" Robin asked once they were in the cab and Barney had tried to explain to the driver where they wanted to go.

"What?" he asked.

"The ring, did you carry it with you this whole time?"

"Well, yeah. How much good would it had been if it was lying in my apartment. It's not like I plan screwing up in advance," he made it sound as if she had lost her mind.

"But you never used it," she pointed out.

"I never had to, although I did plan on using it the night of the busty blond incident in March."

"Oh, that," she smiled and it reminded him of how she had done the same that night.

**3 Months Prior New York - McLarens**

It had been a typical Thursday night at McLarens; they weren't able to decide on dinner and like most nights, ended up eating there. They drank beer and exchanged stories about their day, nothing out of the ordinary until Ted had challenged him to pick up the busty blond by the bar.

"Can't a bro just have a nice conversation with his friends?" he asked.

"Since when do you choose a conversation over sex?" Ted wanted to know and Lily added, "I think he has lost his game."

"I have not," he replied and took another sip from his beer.

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen you pick someone up in quite some time," Marshall realized and Barney finally glanced over to Robin, their eyes met and she said, "plus, she seems like your type."

Barney turned towards the bar, pretending to check the girl in question out. His mind was working overtime, it would be suspicious if he didn't accept Ted's challenge but then again, this might piss Robin off and he much rather took her home tonight than this bimbo. He turned back to his friends, emptied his beer and stood up, "20$ say that I make out with her within the next 10 minutes."

"10 minutes? I doubt it, it's only eight thirty Barney, I think you are overestimating her alcohol level," Ted replied and took the bet.

"Go get her," Marshall rooted for him, Barney looked over to Robin once more before turning around and heading towards the bar.

It wasn't even a challenge; the girl's sole intention of going out had been to get laid. They were making out within five minutes of him approaching her. He kept his eyes open a little to catch Robin's reaction and noticed that she had lost her cool, laughing too loudly and gesturing too much. After a couple of minutes he suggested taking this somewhere else and the girl, he didn't even remember her name, agreed happily.

Once outside he made up an excuse, paid her cab fare and send her on her way. Obviously he couldn't go back inside so he lit a cigarette and slowly started walking. He was contemplating whether he should text Robin to meet him outside when he noticed someone leaving McLarens. It was her. He expected her to be mad and fumbled for the ring in his pocket but then she noticed him standing there and just smiled the brightest smile ever. He let go of the ring and walked towards her.

"What happened to your acquaintance?" she asked and he shrugged, "way too dumb and easy."

"Isn't that a prerequisite for sleeping with you?"

"You tell me," he replied and she smiled, "touché".

He offered her the cigarette but she declined.

"Thank you," she finally said and when he looked puzzled she explained, "I know this thing between us… I mean we are just hooking up and therefore there really isn't a reason why you couldn't have taken her home."

"I might not have the highest moral standards but I won't pick up some bimbo in plain sight for my wife to see," he joked and she giggled and kissed him.

The kiss only lasted a couple of seconds, "you taste like cherry lipstick and cigarettes," she said disgusted after pushing him away. Both of them wiped their mouth with the back of their hands, trying to get the taste off of them.

"We don't need to kiss for what I am thinking," he said while pulling her close again, "but not here, let's go." He had nodded, but didn't let her go right away. They had kissed once more, "I can still taste it," she said und pushed him away.

He hailed a cab and said while opening the door, "so no more kissing and semi-public sex tonight then." They ended up doing both.

**New York Barney's Apartment**

"What did you expect?" Lily asked, they were standing in Barneys living room and everything looked the same.

"I don't know," Ted answered, he walked over to the fridge and opened it. No milk, that was a good sign, Robin drank a lot of milk. Of course she left for Japan more than two weeks ago so it really meant nothing.

"Ted?" He heard Lily ask but he ignored her and headed towards Barneys bedroom. His large porn collection was still on display in the hallway, another sign that this thing between Barney and Robin wasn't serious. The bedroom itself was a mess; the bed wasn't made, the drawers of the dresser were wide open and clothing items were spread on the floor.

"Wow, he really was in a hurry when he left," Lily stated after she entered the room. Ted nodded; he noticed that the bed still only had one cover and pillow.

"If you ask me, this still looks like bachelor country to me," Lily said while sitting down on the bed. She was right but that didn't necessarily make it better. He didn't know what was worse, the thought of Barney and Robin seriously dating or the realization that Robin was just another number to Barney.

He walked over to Barneys nightstand and looked through the drawer but didn't find anything besides condoms and a camera. "Ted, what are you doing?" Lily asked alarmed.

"Just looking around a little," he answered and closed the drawer again.

"Look we went over here and I was on board with that but snooping around in his stuff is going too far," she tried to stop him.

He had reached Barneys desk and flipped through some papers, "just one more minute, okay?" He opened the top drawer of Barneys desk and was taken aback when he realized what he had found.

"Ted? Did you hear me? Let's go!" Ted was too stunned to react.

"What is it? What did you find?" Lily asked and came closer.

"Pictures of them…" he mumbled and turned around to show her.

The first picture showed them kissing. Barney was wearing a suit and had his hands buried in her hair while she was wearing her white summer dress, her hands placed under his suit on the sides of his waist. Lily swallowed; whoever had taken the picture had done a pretty good job capturing the essence of the moment.

They were wearing the same cloths in the second photograph except that Barneys jacket was draped around her shoulders and that this had been taken at night. He had one hand in his pocket and the other one wrapped around her waist, while she had placed one hand on his chest. Both were looking directly into the camera smiling.

"Are those the water fountains of the Bellagio in the background?" Lily asked in surprise. Ted was still too shocked to answer but yeah, he was pretty sure they were.

The third picture was the worst. Barney himself had clearly taken it since his arm extended out of the frame. It showed him lying on his back, his naked chest on display, smirking. Robin was lying next to him, wrapped in a white bed sheet, resting her head on one hand and the second one on Barneys chest while looking directly into the lens.

Lily's first thought was that this was a hot picture if she'd ever seen one. Her second thought was that Ted should have never found these.


	5. Chapter 5

**Tokyo Present Time**

Barney and Robin ended up just walking through the bright streets of downtown Tokyo without a real purpose or destination. They simply took in the flair of the city; watching its habitants, stopping for extensive window shopping and trying exotic foods and ice cream flavors.

"You know that we have never done something like this before?" Robin asked as they were waiting to cross a busy street.

"What do you mean?" Barney asked, he grabbed her hand and pulled her along as he ran across the street.

Robin laughed and let go of his hand, "we never spend time together like this. Back in New York we always just hang out with the gang at McLarens or at one of our apartments but we never actually go out and do stuff together."

"That's not true," Barney replied, "we went to the cigar bar once and how great was playing laser tag?"

"Yeah but that was before me and Ted even got together, name one thing we have done out and about in these last couple of months."

"Well, we did roam the streets in Vegas."

"I was talking about New York though." Robin replied. It was weird; in New York they pretty much lived completely separate lives. Yes on paper they were Mr. and Mrs. Stinson but in reality they only saw each other when they all hung out at McLarens and sure, some of those nights ended with them in bed. But other than that they never really hung out together.

"Huh, I guess you are right." Barney admitted, he stopped to give a homeless guy some change before continuing, "we should change that… I mean… only IF you decide to move back to New York…How about we take a picture? Extremely busy street in the background is what Tokyo is all about after all, right?"

"I didn't think you wanted photographic evidence of not being suited-up." Robin teased.

"Nah, it's okay. They are only for us anyways. What pose should we do? Something to commemorate the fact that Ted found out that his bro broke every article of the bro code at one time or another over the past year?"

Even through he wanted to pass it as a joke, Robin knew that this wasn't a laughing matter to Barney. She didn't want to think about that now though, "I'd say we go with either a super coupley pose or an intimate kiss."

"Well, you know which one of those I prefer." He said while pulling his iPhone out. "We might have to do it a couple of times though, you know just to make sure we get the best possible shot."

Robin was relieved that it had worked and that Barney was back to his normal self. He pulled her close and tried to get the camera just right so that the background could still be made out too. "Okay, ready?" He asked and she replied, "the real question is whether you are ready!"

It did take a couple of tries until they got a decent picture. First Barneys head had covered most of her face, then only the top of their heads was in the frame and finally Barney hadn't actually hit the trigger but instead zoomed in on them.

"It's okay I guess," Robin said, contemplating whether or not they should give this another try, "it's certainly not the best."

"No, the best was Vegas. We can take some more later." He let his phone slip back into his jeans pocket and enclosed her face with both of his hands. "Right now this is just getting in the way," and with that he leaned in and they really started to make out.

**New York Barney Apartment**

"They look so…at ease with each other," was Ted's first comment after he regained his composure.

"That doesn't mean anything, Ted. Pictures can be tricky that way, they can be completely misleading; conveying one thing while the truth is a totally different one. They are probably just posing. Remember my photo album at home? None of those pictures depict the real events and emotions of the moments when they were taken. They are probably just like that, fake and misleading."

"No," Ted emotions had suddenly switched from shock to anger and he got loud, "you know they aren't just posing, don't pretend you don't see it just to spare my feelings. You know which pictures are fake through?"

Lily had been caught off guard by Ted's sudden outburst and slowly shook her head.

"The ones of Robin and me together Lily! I dated her for a year – A YEAR! And not one of ours convey what each single one of these do."

"Ted, honey, I know this sucks but I think you are interpreting too much into these pictures." Lily tried.

"Okay, then tell me. What do you see when you look at them?" Ted was breathing hard and Lily took a closer look at the pictures.

"Well, for starters, I had no clue that Barney was ripped."

"Really? That's your take away?" Ted asked annoyed.

"Look Ted, they look like typical Barney and Robin pictures. I mean Barney always looks self-assured and sleek in pictures and Robin is a TV reporter, a convincing smile is kind of her most important attribute. You put these two together, mix it with a romantic backdrop and e voila, you get these."

Ted just starred at the pictures and Lily finally interrupted him. "Common, let's talk about it later, okay? We got to get ready for work, besides, these pictures could mean so many things but you won't know for sure until you talk to Robin or Barney."

"Yeah but they are still enjoying themselves in Tokyo," Ted started to get furious again but Lily but a stop to it by grapping the pictures out of his hands and shoving him towards the door.

"Go! Now!" she said stern.

Ted turned around, "fine, but I am showing these to Marshall, he will agree with me." He took the pictures and left the bedroom.

**Tokyo Present Time**

Barney and Robin had found a nice restaurant that had outdoor seating and blindly ordered something off the menu.

"We could have just asked for an English menu," Robin suggested after the waiter had left.

"Oh common, it's way more fun this way. Plus we can always order room service later if we are still hungry," Barney sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, enjoying the sun.

Robin watched him and smiled. She really liked the not-suit-wearing version of Barney she had hung out with today. There were days when she wondered why anybody was friends with him and then there were the days when she couldn't ask for a better friend. It seemed as if lately these days had far outnumbered the others.

"This really feels like a vacation," Barney said when he opened his eyes again, "I haven't been on a real vacation in years. Always just business trips or rushed gatherings."

"I am really glad you got onto that plane," Robin said and their eyes met for a second.

"Me too." He finally said.

The waiter brought their drinks and they clung glasses.

"So given we survive this meal – what do you want to do next?" Barney asked when they put their glasses down again.

"I don't know, I would like to take a tour of the city and see at least one of the famous gardens but I guess it's already too late to do any of that today. Maybe just roam the streets some more?" Robin suggested.

Barney nodded and grinned, "or, we could call it a night early and head back to the hotel room."

"You are unbelievable," she said while laughing.

The food came, neither one of them could tell for sure what they were eating but it was surprisingly good.

"When do you have to go back?" Robin finally asked the question that had bugged her all day. She was sure that even with his mysterious job, Barney had to be back at work eventually.

"When will you be convinced that this job will get better and Tokyo is a fine place to live?" he asked right back.

"Probably never." She answered.

"Well, then there's your answer."

"Why are you so against me moving back to New York?" she asked jokingly.

"I am not, believe me. I'd be thrilled if you did but this is your dream and what kind of friend would I be if I didn't encourage you to live it?"

Robin felt her heart sink and smiled. She thought back to the night four weeks ago when she had told the gang about her plan to move to Japan.

**4 Weeks Prior New York McLarens**

"I got a job as a newscaster in Tokyo… I am moving to Japan!" She blurred out without any warning.

"Wow, this is huge!" was Marshall's reaction.

Lily had hugged her and told her how sad it would be not to be able to talk every day but that she was very proud of her.

"All your friends are here, your entire life." Were Ted's first words to her.

She had turned to Barney, he seemed just as shocked as the rest of them but then he grinned and said, "you better send me some Japanese porn!"

It wasn't until Barney and her were alone in her apartment later that night that she asked him if he really was okay with her moving.

"Why wouldn't I?" Barney asked as if that was the stupidest question he'd ever heard.

"Because… I don't know, I just thought it might bother you. I mean I am your wife after all."

"Look Scherbatsky, our arrangement has been nice but neither one of us wants something serious. Living in another part of the world has always been your dream. I get that. Don't worry about me." He had put his arms around her waist and they kissed.

"I know this is going to sound super cheesy and not at all like us but I need you to really be okay with this, so are you sure?"

"Why does that matter so much to you?" he'd asked.

"Because… your opinion matters to me and I don't want you to feel as if I only used you or that I just got up and left, okay? Are you really okay with this?"

"Yes I am." He answered seriously before starting to grin, "but there better be a lot of nude pictures and telephone sex!"

"I think your bimbos can keep you sexually satisfied just fine."

**Tokyo Present Time**

That talk was the closest they had ever came to having a real talk about their "relationship".

"Thanks for believing in me." Robin said.

"Isn't that what marriage is all about?" he asked ironically.

**New York McLarens**

"Did Ted tell you?" Lily asked her husband as she scooted next to him in the booth.

"No. No one tells me anything, both of you left without a trace this morning."

"Sorry babe, I meant to call you but then Jeremy had an epileptic seizure and I totally forgot about it." Lily explained.

"Oh my gosh, is he okay?" Marshall asked.

"Yeah, they rushed him to the ER. He'll be fine. Anyway, this morning I caught Ted with the key to Barneys apartment, he was about to sneak out to snoop around."

"No way!" Marshall exclaimed, "I am glad you caught him. That would have been a total invasion of Barneys privacy!"

"Yeeeah…about that."

"Oh no, Lily, what did you do?" Marshall asked and Lily cracked.

"I went with him, he is devastated by all this Marshall. Robin is the love of his live and now he finds out that she has been messing around with one of his best friends behind his back? And not just anyone, Ted knows more about Barneys sick schemes and plays than any of us. This is killing him. And since neither one of them is willing to talk about it, I figured it couldn't hurt to try to find some answers." Lily had grabbed her husbands arm while talking.

"I know that this is hard on Ted but breaking and entering into Barneys apartment is not the solution!" Marshall remained the voice of reason.

"Well, I never thought we would find something. I figured we would look around a little, discover that Barney hasn't changed much and leave."

"But?"

"Unfortunately we did find something." Lily said and sighed.

"Oh gosh… what did you find?" Marshall asked anticipating the worst. "Please don't say a sex tape Lily."

"No. Pictures of them. Ted was going to bring them to show you. I told him they didn't mean anything but the truth is; he should have never found them. Neither one of us should have. I don't know how to describe it but they are the kind of pictures that are too intimate to share with your friends."

"Oh my gosh, did you find like explicit pictures of them in bed?" Marshall asked grossed out.

"No, it's nothing like that. Well in one of them they actually are in bed but that's not it. You need to see them to understand what I mean. They just seem very personal."

"Hey you are already here," Ted's loud noise spooked them.

"Hey Buddy," Marshall welcomed him and Lily nodded.

"Did you already tell him?" Ted asked while opening his messenger bag and taking the pictures out.

"Yes she did, let's see those super fake pictures," Marshall said and grabbed them.

"Good to know you aren't biased," Ted said and signaled Wendy that he would like a beer.

"I think they really do look fake, I mean neither Barney nor Robin are the 'romantically-posing-for-pictures' type, I think they were just messing around." Was Marshalls take on the pictures.

"Seriously? But they look so … happy." Ted said.

"Anyone can look happy in pictures, that doesn't mean anything." Lily responded.

"Plus at least in this one Barney probably smirks so happily cause he talked Robin into taking this picture in the first place," Marshall said and placed the one where they were in bed back on the table.

"Or cause he'd gotten to sleep with her," Lily stated.

Ted shot her an annoyed look.

"Sorry."

"Where were these pictures taken?" Marshall had also noticed the fountains in the background.

"Looks like Las Vegas, doesn't it?" Lily asked.

"It sure does. When where they in Vegas though? Marshall replied.

"Can't be that long ago, she is wearing a summer dress." Lily combined.

"Maybe they spend a few days there before she headed to Tokyo." Marshall figured.

Ted had been studying the picture closely and finally said, "I don't think so. We all dropped Robin off together; she was taking a direct flight, wasn't she? Plus Barney hung out with us that night. They must have gone a couple of weeks back."

"I wonder why." Marshall asked out loud.

"Maybe they eloped." Lily joked and even Ted laughed about it.

"They probably just got tired of sneaking around and decided to get away for a weekend." Marshall finally figured, "or Barney ran off to gamble and Robin followed him to prevent anything worse from happening."

"Can you guys believe this? I mean they didn't just sneak around a little, they actually went on an entire trip together and we would have never known." Ted was still stunned by all of this.

"Well it clearly isn't that serious, otherwise they could have just told us, right?" Lily asked.

"That's what I am thinking too. Sure you wouldn't have been thrilled to find out that Barney and Robin were dating but you would have gotten over it. They probably just wanted something casual without freaking everyone out or having to explain themselves." Marshall guessed.

"Yeah you are probably right. It's still weird to see Barney so content in these pictures though. I know they are probably just hooking up and didn't want to complicate things but still, he flew to Tokyo to see her! And the way she talks about him?" Ted sighed, "I really wish Robin would come back soon so I could talk to her."

**Tokyo Later That Night**

She heard her cell phone buzz and grabbed it of the nightstand, one new text message, the display informed her and she pressed 'read'.

_Did our break-up have anything to do with Barney?_

"Let me guess, Ted?" Barney's tired voice seemed to come out of the middle of nowhere in the dark hotel room.

"I thought you were asleep," Robin asked surprised.

"Yeah…sort of, the jet lack is messing with me. Why? Did you not want me to know you were texting Ted?"

"What? No! He just wrote me one message… he wants to know whether or not you were the reason for our break-up." Robin held the cell phone screen in his direction so he could read it.

Barney scuttled over to her, their naked shoulders touched and a shiver went down Robin's spine.

"Well, are you gonna answer?" Barney asked while he was getting more comfortable by dragging his covers over to her side of the bed.

"I don't know. If I do he will ask another one in a minute." Robin replied.

"I'd say give him an answer, he is probably going out of his mind right now. You can always text him later that you will discuss everything else when you see him." Barney said while yawning.

"Fine…" Robin hit the reply button and typed.

_No _

She hit send and the swoosh sound filled the room.

"No? That's it? You could have went into a little more detail. You just broke the poor guys heart." Barney said.

"Okay first of all, Ted knows exactly why we broke up; secondly, who blurred out that we were sleeping together and started this whole mess?" Robin shot back.

"For the record, Carl is the one who started this mess, I only…"

The buzzing of the cell phone silenced Barney mid-sentence.

"See I told you he wouldn't stop at one question," Robin said and hit read again.

Did you cheat on me with him while we were dating?

Robin let her left arm, which had been holding the cell phone, fall back onto the blanket. Now that was an interesting question.


	6. Chapter 6

**New York McLarens August through October of the previous year**

Nothing _really_ happened the first time _something_ happened. They had all been sitting in their usual booth at McLarens. Barney was sitting on the chair while she happened to sit next to him.

Ted was complaining about his job, how his boss had designed a building that resembled male genitalia. She had heard the same story earlier when she came over after work; she had heard it the day before and the day before that. Yeah Ted was upset and needed to vent but this was really starting to get annoying.

Barneys knee bumped into hers, first she thought it had just been an accident and didn't pay attention to it but then it had happened again. She turned her head towards Barney and he had yawned theatrically, rolling his eyes.

It had made her chuckle.

...

The second time was actually really sweet. She again happened to sit next to Barney in that same constellation and somehow they had started a discussion about how dangerous heart attacks were. She was telling the gang about how her beloved grandfather had died from a sudden heart attack a couple of years ago and right when she got to the saddest part of the story, Barney had put his hand on her knee.

It didn't feel like a sexual gesture to her, it felt like a friend reaching out to comfort her and she really appreciated it.

...

Now the third time was a completely different story. It was late and she had too much to drink which made her horny. She had been trying to get Ted's attention but he was completely oblivious to her efforts. Apparently a discussion with Marshall about modern architecture and the environmental impacts that could be achieved by using alternative materials was way more interesting.

She had turned back to her scotch and muttered, "nerd" when all of a sudden Barney had pushed her skirt up and placed his hand on her inner thigh. Her head shot towards him but he was still having a vivid exchange with Lily and didn't even as much as glance at her. She had taken another sip of her scotch and just as she was trying to figure out what her next move should be he had started to stroke her thigh with his thumb.

Yes she was drunk but she wasn't nearly drunk enough to let this happen and blame it on the alcohol. Yet, there was something about his boldness that really turned her on. He hadn't just placed his hand on her knee and slowly moved up like most men would. Neither had he just placed his hand on her thigh or on her dress, he went directly for the inside where her skin was tender.

She told herself that if he as much as moved a single millimeter up her leg she would stop it. But he never had, for the next hour or so he had kept his hand exactly where he first placed it, alternating between faster and slower strokes with his thumb.

For the first time she got why so many girls fell for him. He was such a smooth sleaze-bag.

...

She was the initiator a week later. He was telling them about how he had never met his farther, his voice trembling when he got to the point where he told them about Bob Parker being his dad.

She had placed her hand on his leg to show support like he had done weeks earlier. What she didn't expect was him grabbing her hand and pulling it towards his crotch as he was continuing to tell their friends the story.

She quickly freed herself from his grip and looked around. No one seemed to have noticed anything.

He really was a pig.

...

It wasn't until one night in late September that things went out of hand. They ended up sitting side-by-side, she happened to wear a dress, something she hadn't done for weeks and Barney had started to tell one of his legendary stories. Thinking back to that night she was pretty sure that he had planned everything and had waited for the right moment for weeks.

Barney had started his story with the following sentence: "So last Sunday I went to church." Which lead to a ten-minute discussion about why Barney should be the last person ever allowed to enter the threshold of a church.

"Anyway," Barney had steered the discussion back to his story. "My plan was to pick up a girl."

"At church? Who would you possible want to pick up there?" Ted had asked delighted.

"Girls whose moms make them go every Sunday and who are looking for a way to get back at them." Barney had explained in his "duh" voice.

"So like sixteen year olds?" Robin had asked.

"You'd be surprised how many 25 year olds still let their mom dictate their lives." Barney had explained.

"So, I scouted some talent and asked if the seat next to her was taken. It wasn't. So the sermon starts, good one by the way, you should check it out, corner of 17th and Broadway. So the sermon starts and I bump my leg into hers."

Robin felt his leg do exactly that as he said it and it made her smile, he sure knew how to bring his stories to life.

"So I apologize to her and she giggles and I knew I had her, so while the minister was talking about the book of Genesis I placed my hand on her thigh."

He did just that with her.

"She didn't object so I moved my hand up her leg."

Robin gasped as Barney continued to privately re-enact his story.

Lily stopped him before it got too graphic, "ough, we don't want to know the details of that."

"Yeah, seriously." Marshall added but his voice begged to differ.

Barney smiled and shrugged, he stopped recounting his tale but didn't halt his actions under the table and so, over the next couple of minutes, Robin learned exactly what he had done with that girl in church.

She felt awful that night. She knew she should have stopped him but he had taken her by surprise and she couldn't explain it but he had this mesmerizing effect on her. She tossed and turned in bed, trying to decide what to do and whether or not to tell Ted when her phone went off. A message from Barney.

_U wanna know the difference between u & the girl in church?_

Robin wanted to smash the phone, preferably while doing the same with Barneys head. Instead she just deleted the text. He should just leave her alone! But he didn't, instead he texted her once again.

_She was wearing panties_

...

After that night she pulled him aside and told him that she would tell Ted everything if he ever touched her again. He had smirked and suggested that she knew where to find him in case she changed her mind.

...

It happened one more time. Marshall and Lily ran late and Ted had stayed in the apartment working on some blueprints. It was just the two of them and somehow he charmed her into allowing it to happen one more time.

She left right afterwards to go see Ted, telling herself over and over again that this had to stop. Much later when she was lying next to Ted in bed she received another text from him.

_Tell Ted he can thank me later_

She usually tried to refrain from texting with men who weren't Ted in the middle of the night but she made an exception cause she was curious.

_What are you talking about?_

His reply came right away.

_The amazing sex he just had_.

Robin shook her head and typed another message

_You are the devil_.

_Man, that's what I should have dressed up as on Halloween_

He was unbelievable, she thought while turning her phone off.

**Tokyo Present Time **

"Aren't you going to answer?" Barney asked.

"What should I possibly say to that?" she replied irritated.

"How about that you didn't cheat?" Barney supplied.

"I kind of did, you know that."

"No you didn't. It's only cheating if there is kissing, sex or feelings involved. We both don't do feelings and we didn't kiss or had sex until long after you guys broke up." Barney explained.

"Long after?" Robin asked delighted.

"The point is you didn't cheat." Barney insisted.

"Oh really, so if you had a girlfriend and this would happen, it wouldn't bother you?"

"Hypothetical speaking, if say, you were my girlfriend, it would have never come to this."

"Why not?" Robin played along.

"Cause my hand would be down there all the time and I would catch whoever was trying something and knock him out – what up?"

"You couldn't knock someone out." She teased.

"The point is, you didn't do anything. If anyone was doing something wrong it was me." Barney said and grabbed her cell phone from her.

"You have a very flawed logic when it comes to moral behavior Barney."

_No _

He hit send and handed the phone back to her.

The light coming of her cell phone screen illuminated them just enough so she could see his features.

"Ted doesn't need to know everything." Barney finally said.

Robin nodded. "Yeah, you are right." She turned her head and kissed his collarbone, "you are such a pig."

**New York Marshall and Teds Apartment**

Ted didn't expect Robin to answer and was really surprised when she did so quickly. So Barney had nothing to do with their break-up. He wondered if she was just making herself believe that.

The night of their break-up had been an emotional rollercoaster ride, she had mistakenly thought that he was proposing and had made it very clear that marriage was not in the future for them. By the end of the night they had been caught stealing the blue French horn, briefly decided to move to Argentina together, possible start a family and ultimately broken up.

Looking back now he wondered if the news had come as a surprise to Barney. That whole night was such a blur though that Ted couldn't even really remember Barneys reaction.

He decided to ask her the question that had bugged him since Carl mentioned him noticing something around Halloween.

_Did you cheat on me with him while we were dating_?

He felt his heart rate go up while awaiting her reply. She probably wouldn't even answer. Or she would tell him to let her explain everything later.

It seemed to take forever but finally his cell phone buzzed.

_No_

He felt really relieved. The thought of their relationship being based on lies had been taunting. Yes Robin and Barney were hooking up but at least she had been faithful during their time together.

He felt like there was still hope. Yes, for whatever crazy reason Robin had felt for Barneys schemes but maybe he was just a rebound. Maybe she wasn't in love with him after all and he would get a chance to show her what a horrible person Barney really was. At least when it came to the girls he slept with.

Maybe she just needed him to save her.

**Tokyo Later that Night**

The view wasn't that bad, Barney thought as he lit a cigarette on the balcony of the hotel room. He couldn't sleep and that wasn't entirely caused by the jet lack. The conversation with Robin about whether or not she had cheated had awoken his conscience.

He stood by it, Robin might feel guilty about what happened but he had been the real villain, not her. Who betrays his best friend like that? And not just the dubious behavior he'd engaged in those nights at McLarens.

Barney was there from the very beginning; he had seen his best friend falling for Robin. He'd even introduced them for god's sake! He was supposed to support his bro and be excited that he'd found the love of his life but instead he manipulated everything.

Maybe their break-up wasn't his fault; they were looking for completely different things in life and eventually that had caused friction. Yeah, the break-up was on them, the marriage wasn't though.

There was no excuse for what happened on November 27th. He was the most commitment phobic person in the universe and yet he didn't even hesitate to fly to Vegas and elope.

He didn't to it because of the circumstances or because this was Robin.

He couldn't even blame it on selfish reasons.

He simply did it because he could and Ted couldn't.

He flicked the cigarette of the roof and lit another one. His entire life was a façade, everything looked nice from the outside but in reality it was fake.

The bro-code, his friendship with Ted, this thing with Robin, the list went on and on.

At work he got paid a lot of money for deceiving and playing people. And that behavior transpired into his personal life. It was just a game.

And now Robin played it too.

Robin woke up because she was cold. She figured Barney had turned on the AC and sat up in bed. It took her eyes a few seconds to adjust but she quickly realized that the bed next to her was empty. She looked around and saw Barney standing on the balcony. She wondered what had gotten into him and felt around for his t-shirt. She put in on and got out of the bed.

"What are you doing?" Robin asked as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her forehead between his shoulder blades.

"Smoking." He replied.

"And what made you suddenly decide to comply to the no-smoking inside signs and come out here?"

He just shrugged.

"Everything okay?" she asked and lifted her head, they were pretty high up and the view was beautiful.

"I have done some bad stuff in my life Robin, some really bad stuff."

She'd figured he had been thinking about Ted and this mess they had gotten themselves into. What she didn't expect was him being genuinely depressed about it.

"We've all done bad stuff." She finally replied, kissing his neck softly. "Now come back to bed before you catch a cold."

**Tokyo The next morning**

Robin couldn't go back to sleep and so the alarm clock hadn't woken Barney up. She sneaked out of the room without him noticing and headed to work.

As soon as she saw the giant fan she had enough and turned around to see the producer. This was not the job she signed up for. She could make a fool of herself on television in New York.

So she quit.

She stopped at a liquor store on the way back to the hotel and bought a bottle of scotch. Not to get drunk and escape reality like she had done last Friday but to celebrate. She didn't feel as if she had failed, she simply had wanted the wrong things. Yes being a world traveler was her dream but not if it meant doing a job she hated.

Barney was still fast asleep and she decided that a big breakfast would go perfectly with the scotch. So she ordered room service and went to the hall to get them some ice.

The loud knock on the door finally woke Barney up. "What's going on?" he asked while she accepted their breakfast.

"Shit, Robin you overslept." She heard him burst out behind her.

"Relax, I didn't oversleep," she said as she put the food on the bed and went and got the rest.

Barney waited until she tipped the delivery guy and came back over to him. "Then what are you doing here? I thought you had to be in the studio at eight?"

"I quit. I am moving back to New York Stinson. Let's celebrate, I got scotch and crisp bacon, there should be French toast and all kinds of eggs as well…oh and I got some waffles too."

"You quit?" he sounded shocked.

"Yes Sir."

"But I thought… I mean why?"

"I came here to do serious news not … this." Robin explained.

Barney was silent for a minute, taking in the news. She scooted back under the covers and started to remove the covers from their food.

"I know you wanted me to do this but I couldn't have handled dropping you off at the airport and being alone again. I mean, those last two weeks were really lonely. I got lucky when I moved to New York because I met Ted and he introduced me to all you guys. I immediately had a support system but that didn't happen when I moved here."

"I only wanted you to do it cause I thought that's what you wanted. I still think you were incredibly brave and courageous to take this step."

Robin smiled, "so you don't feel like your wife is a total loser?"

"The only description I allow when it comes to my wife is 'awesome'." Barney replied and made Robin smile.

"Seriously though, you should never think of this experience that way. You followed your dream, most people would never do that. And then when you realized it wasn't what you wanted you had the courage to admit that. Most people would have never done that either." Barney clarified very seriously.

"Thanks Barney." She smiled, "now let's start this day out right. Scotch?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews! They always are a great incentive to keep writing :) Hope this chapter won't disappoint. **

**New York Marshall and Teds Apartment**

"Where is Ted?" Lily asked as she entered the apartment.

"He has some work thing tonight," Marshall replied. He paused the video game he was playing to properly greet his wife with a kiss.

"So just us, huh? I was thinking Lasagna for dinner?"

"That sounds good. Let me finish this level, and I will help you."

…

"What can I do?" Marshall asked a few minutes later when he entered the kitchen.

"Wash and cut some tomatoes?" Lily suggested.

Marshall nodded and turned to the refrigerator. "So I guess Ted texted Robin, and asked if she cheated on him with Barney."

"Really? Did she reply?" Lily wondered.

"Yes, apparently she didn't cheat. I guess Carl must have gotten it wrong." Marshall reported.

Lily didn't reply right away, which made Marshall suspicious. "What is it?"

"I… I don't think he did. I don't know it's just a hunch, but he seemed quite certain when he told Ted. I just don't think Carl is the kind of person who would say something like that if he didn't know with absolute certainty." Lily burst out.

"So you are saying that Robin is lying?" Marshall checked.

"No…I mean yes. I don't know."

"Why should she do that? I mean the cat is already out of the bag." Marshall asked.

"Why should she tell the truth? It would ruin all chances of mending her friendship with Ted and it would completely destroy Barneys and Teds brohood." Lily explained.

"You have a good point but this is Robin we are talking about. I would expect Barney to cheat and then lie about it, but not her. Maybe Carl misinterpreted something he heard or saw." Marshall argued.

"I don't know Marshall, I got a bad feeling about this."

They both fell silent and continued with their chores. Marshall was the first to break the silence.

"Do you think it will ever be like old times again? With the five of us hanging out at McLarens?"

Lily shrugged. "I hope so. Ted has cooled down tremendously since he first found out, and his friendship to Robin means a lot to him."

"What about Barney? Do you think Ted will forgive him?" Marshall asked.

"No clue but, I guess we will find out eventually."

**Tokyo Later that Night**

Robin and Barney had spent a fabulous day in Tokyo. They had done all the must-do tourist attractions, including the famous fish market and an epic temple. Barney had planned on taking Robin to a fancy restaurant for dinner, but neither one was in the mood to head back to the hotel and change into something nice. So they ended up eating seafood at a whole-in-the whole kind of place.

Afterwards they headed to the Tokyo Skytree, and enjoyed the sun setting over the roofs of Tokyo. The view was magnificent.

"Excuse me?" Barney halted a passing tourist. "Would you mind taking a picture of me and my wife?"

The man agreed and Barney handed him his phone before turning back to her.

"Thank you," Barney said as he retrieved his cell phone. He came back over to Robin and showed her the picture. It had turned out really well.

"It still cracks me up every time you refer to me as your wife." Robin said while Barney put his phone away and hugged her.

"I know, that's why I do it all the time." He replied.

Robin also put her arms around him, and leaned her head against his shoulder. This was probably the most romantic thing she had ever done. The irony was that the man she was watching the sunset with was no other than Barney Stinson, the most unromantic guy in the world.

She felt Barney draw back and wondered whether he was thinking the same thing. She looked up but before she could make out what he was thinking Barney surprised her by leaning forward and passionately kissing her.

She stumbled backwards, but Barneys arms caught her. Suddenly the memory of their very first kiss popped into her head.

**Las Vegas 7 Months Prior**

"Do you Barney Stinson, take Robin Scherbatsky to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?" The priest had asked.

Up to that point Barney and Robin hadn't taken the ceremony seriously. Mocking the priest and giggling all along. But then Barney had looked at her and replied very earnestly, "I do."

It had changed everything. All of a sudden the severity of what they were doing had hit home for Robin, and she nearly choked when it was her turn to say those two words.

The exchange of the rings was next.

"I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you, for as long as I live." The pastor prompted them.

Barney played it cool and repeated it without hesitation.

Robin managed to make it through the sentence okay, but she couldn't hide her trembling hands when it was her turn to slip the ring onto Barneys finger.

"And now, by the power vested in me by the State of Nevada, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

They had looked at each other, and Barney had started to grin. She had expected a peck on the lips and was taken by total surprise when he completely went for it.

The kiss knocked the wind out of her and it took a few seconds before she recovered and joined in.

They could barely break apart when it was time to sign the paperwork. They continued to make out in the cab ride over to the Bellagio and barely ceased to check-in.

**Tokyo the next morning**

She didn't at all look as if she hadn't slept a wink last night, Robin thought as she was checking her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

She wasn't sure whether it was the romantic vibe after returning from the Spacetree, or the conversation about sexual fantasies Barney had prompted around 2 am that made them fool around all night. It could have also been the fact that they had decided to head back to New York the next day making this their last night together before they went back to normal.

Either way it had been a legendary night.

Barney entered the bathroom, "there is a flight at one I could get us on, that's enough time to pack, right?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Robin replied and Barney typed something on his iPhone.

"It's non-stop too." He said, finally looking up.

"Well, I could have dealt with a layover in Hawaii." Robin joked.

"That's a great idea! I don't want to deal with Ted anyways."

"Just book the flight Barney." Robin said and turned towards him.

Barney smiled and pulled her close, "I still think we should keep Hawaii in mind. I mean if we ever do need a getaway after being chased out of New York by Ted."

"Or by that imprisoned psychopath you used to visit upstate." Robin replied.

"Right. She still sends me death threats."

Robin shook her head and leaned against his naked chest. A big part of her didn't want to go back to New York, and continue with this web of lies.

Barney pulled the camera app on his phone up. "Look in the mirror. I wanna take a picture." He told her.

Robin smirked; she wrapped her arms around his waist and, in an attempt to hide her boobs pulled herself even closer to his body.

She looked at them in the mirror, and had to admit that they made a cute couple.

"Nice," Barney observed as he checked out the picture on his phone. "I will forward it to you."

Robin broke the embrace. "And now get out, I need to get started if we ever want to make that flight."

Barney sat down on the bed, still gazing at the picture on his phone. He sent it to Robin first. Then pulled it up once again, pasting it into another message.

_We will be back in NYC tomorrow._

He hit send and turned his phone off.

**New York Marshall and Teds Apartment**

"You won't believe what Barney just send me!" Ted yelled as he burst through his bedroom door, and into the living room startling Marshall and Lily.

"Look!" He handed his phone to the couple on the couch.

"Well, they seem to be going strong." Marshall commented, handing the phone to his wife.

"Seriously, how do they always take so hot pictures?" Lily asked herself out loud.

"That's it? What in the world is Barney thinking?" Ted asked enraged.

"You know how he is. He defines himself through his womanizing." Marshall said.

"Yeah, but this isn't just some skank he's banging!"

"It's not like you really see anything, Ted." Lily concluded after studying the picture closer.

"But this is Robin! He knows how important she is to me! It's bad enough that he hooked up with her in the first place, but rubbing it into my face? Who does that?" Ted snatched the phone back from Lily.

"Apparently Barney Stinson." Marshall stated.

"So I guess they are on their way back to the US." Lily reminded them of the text.

"Yeah… I wonder what that means. Is Robin just visiting, or will she be back for good?" Ted wondered.

"Do you think they will show up at McLarens tomorrow? Dude you need to bring those pictures back." Marshall reminded Ted.

"I did that yesterday."

"I really hope Barney didn't somehow convince her to move back to New York for him. That would top everything else he has ever done to hurt girls." Lily voiced her concern.

"Robin would never give up her independence or her dream because a man asked her to." Ted clarified. "She is probably just visiting."

"What are you going to do when you see them?" Lily asked.

Ted shrugged, "I just want to talk to Robin really. Barney could drop dead for all I am concerned."

Lily and Marshall started to speculate whether or not Barney and Robin would make an appearance right away or if they'd wait a couple of days.

Ted's thoughts had wandered off, what _would_ he do when he saw them?

**United Airlines Flight 9735**

Turbulences awoke Robin from her sleep. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and noticed that someone had covered her with a blanket.

"Hey sleepyhead." she heard Barney whisper.

She was going to turn to him but the seatbelt prevented her, so she opened it and found a comfortable pose while looking at him.

"You slept almost six hours," he said admirably.

"Well, the first class beds helped a lot." Robin replied. At this point it hadn't even surprised her when she found out about it. "And the fact that you didn't let me get any sleep last night."

He laughed. "The other way around is more like it."

"So now that you are up. You wanna sneak to the lavatory and join the mile-high club?" he asked suggestively.

"Uh…no? Besides, you told me on our flight to Vegas that you already joined that club with a flight attendant on a transatlantic leg last summer." Robin yawned.

"Well yeah, but this would be way better. Plus afterwards, you would be a member of that club too."

"I'll pass Barney."

"Fine." Barney finally gave up.

"I think I will try to get a hold of Ted tonight. Get it over with, you know?" Robin thought out loud.

"I'd hoped we would wait until tomorrow night. You know, give me a chance to take some self-defense lessons and purchase some weapons?"

"Maybe it will be best if I go by myself." Robin suggested.

"Why?"

"It'll make it much easier to explain everything, Barney. Ted is furious at both of us but I am pretty sure he will still listen to me. If you show up with me… well I don't see how that would help." Robin explained.

"What is there to explain? Yes he is mad but we didn't do anything wrong. Our first kiss sealed out marriage and we didn't even have sex until our wedding night. Talk about a paradigm of moral behavior!" Barney chuckled.

"We are not telling him about the wedding Barney!" Robin clarified.

"What? Why not?"

"Ted is the most romantic guy in the universe. It would make everything worse if he found out that we got married ten days after I reacted as I did when I thought he was proposing!" Robin explained.

"But Robin… wasn't the whole point of getting married to justify us hooking up?"

"You know exactly what the point of this wedding was, so don't try to use it as something else Stinson." Robin replied.

"Fine that wasn't the point of getting married, but think about it. The only exception for breaking the bro code is…"

"Unless the girl is hot, I know Barney." Robin interrupted.

"No, 'unless she is your wife'." Barney insisted.

"You just made that up."

"It makes sense though, doesn't it? Obviously you can't hook up with your bro's ex but if you marry her, that's a whole different story. Marriage has to be the ultimate waiver of dubious behavior. I mean you give up screwing around for that girl, that counts for something."

"You didn't stop screwing around." Robin pointed out. "Besides, that only applies to real marriages."

"The point is; if we don't tell him I will be the jackass who screwed his best friends ex."

"That's why we will just go back to how things were before Tokyo." Robin proposed.

"Pretend that nothing is going on while still hooking up?" Barney asked.

"Exactly. I will talk to Ted, make sure he doesn't hold a grudge against you and then we will simply go back to our old ways."

"I don't think there is anything simple about that plan, Robin." Barney grinned.

"It could work though, right?" Robin asked hopeful.

"Kudos to you if you pull it off but I doubt you can convince Ted to forgive me."

Robin bit her lower lip, no it wouldn't be easy but not hanging out with her four best friends at McLarens each night was an unbearable thought.

**New York City **

"Text me later?" Barney asked when the cab pulled up in front of Robin's apartment building.

"Yeah, wish me luck."

Barney nodded and watched her disappear into the front doors, pulling her luggage. The thought that he should have carried it up for her popped into his head, but it was already too late for that anyways, so he just gave the driver his address.

Robin was glad that Lily had convinced her to keep the apartment. The plan had been to terminate the lease when she came back for Thanksgiving, and to move everything out then.

Robin opened the windows to let some fresh air in. She grabbed her cell and texted Ted.

_We are back in New York. Meet me later to talk? Alone? _

Ted's answer came right away:

_8 pm McLarens. Just u & me!_


	8. Chapter 8

**McLarens later that Night**

He was already waiting in their usual booth when she entered the bar. Well, there was no turning back now, Robin thought and headed towards Ted.

"Hey there." She greeted him. She expected him to get up and give her a hug but he didn't budge.

"Hi."

Robin slid in the booth across from him and an awkward silence settled between them.

"Listen Ted." Robin cleared her throat, "I am really sorry for what happened."

"What exactly? That you hooked up with one of my best friends or that I found out?"

Robin sucked in some air through her teeth. He was more upset than she had expected.

"Barney and I… we were just messing around. That's why we kept it a secret, it was just casual fun." Robin tried to explain.

"Was?" Ted asked.

Robin nodded.

"Common, you can at least be honest Robin." Ted complained.

"What do you mean?" Robin asked.

Ted pulled his phone out and showed her the message Barney had send him, "this does not look like you broke up in Tokyo."

Robin swallowed. What in the world had Barney been thinking?

"I… he shouldn't have send that to you." Robin finally said. "But that doesn't change anything Ted. Barney and I were never an item. We were both looking for something casual and fun. It was convenient."

"Convenient? You slept with Barney because it was convenient?" Ted asked in total shock. "What happened to you? You sound like one of his bimbos."

Robin didn't know what to answer so she didn't.

"I really don't get it Robin. I would expect something like this from Barney, but you?" Ted asked.

"I just… I am sorry." Was all Robin said. She could have made excuses, but then Barney would have taken the fall, and she wasn't going to let that happen.

"How long after our break-up?" Ted asked.

Robin shrugged. "A couple of weeks."

"Were you drunk?"

"Jesus Ted, you sound like my father. No I was not drunk, nor high for that matter."

"Why Barney?" Ted continued his questioning.

"I don't know okay. We just … clicked. You wouldn't understand. There never were feelings involved, nor had either one of us a hidden agenda. We just didn't overthink but instead enjoyed ourselves." Robin tried to explain her actions.

"But Barney? You know what a horrible person he is." Ted whined.

"He is not a horrible person Ted." Robin responded quietly.

"Are you kidding me? Have you not seen how he treats the women he has sex with?"

"Ted, belief me: Barney is not a horrible person." Robin repeated.

"Oh my gosh, you are in love with him!"

"What? No! Ted, I am not."

"Why do you behave like such a fool then? How can you completely ignore the past, and put yourself into this position? Hooking up with Barney was wrong on so many levels. You should know that." Ted argued.

Robin played with her tumbler and didn't react.

"He has slept with hundreds of women Robin. Hundreds! How does that not disgust you? He has lied, deceived, tricked and played these women to get what he wanted. He secretly films his conquests for gods' sake. You do realize that he has a sex tape with you too, right? He is a player Robin, and you are an intelligent, rational woman. Why would you put yourself into this position? I mean even if he wasn't a friend of mine; how do you justify this affair with your conscience?"

Robin realized that Ted was seriously concerned for her. "You wouldn't understand." She finally answered.

"Because of the sex?" Ted asked.

Robin shook her head. "No. Look Ted, I know it doesn't make any sense but …I trust Barney."

"He send a naked picture of the two of you to me! This should disturb you a lot more than it does. Who knows what else he is uploading to the Internet as we speak? So don't tell me what a saint Barney is." Ted continued.

"I never said he was a saint. He has done some questionable things in his life, but that doesn't make him a horrible person."

"Oh really? So constantly citing bro code articles about how to behave, while banging you doesn't qualify?" Ted was yelling now.

Robin noticed how people turned their heads and gazed at them.

"He knows he screwed up Ted, and he's really sorry." She slowly said, finally adding: "That's why he ended our arrangement."

"A little too late now, isn't it?" Ted replied, still furious.

"The point is; it takes two to do what Barney and I did. I get that you are mad at him but you should know that he's really trying to make amends."

"By stopping to have sex with you? Really? After… what? Six months of doing it?" Ted laughed. "After flying to Tokyo to _see_ you?"

"He came to Tokyo to cheer me up." Robin explained.

"Yeah well, I got a live report on how well that worked!" Ted countered.

Robin didn't want to respond to that and was glad when Wendy noticed her and came over to take her order.

"I was homesick, and Barney came to Tokyo to help me settle in."

"He sounds like such a knight in shining armor." Ted commented sarcastically.

"Ted I get that you're mad, but we aren't dating anymore. I can sleep with whomever I please. Sure this bothers you, but there got to be a way to move pass this." Robin pleaded.

"Easy for you to say." Ted replied.

Wendy brought the scotch she had ordered and commented that she hadn't seen Robin in some time.

"I was in Tokyo."

"Really? How was it? For vacation or work? I always wanted to go there, it must be a really exciting place to be." Wendy asked.

"Work. Yeah it's an interesting city. Very busy and of cause a lot of great sea food." Robin reported politely.

"You got to tell me more about it some time." Wendy said before turning to head back to the bar.

"Are you going back?" Ted finally asked.

Robin shook her head. "No. I quit my job."

"Did Barney convince you to move back to New York?"

"What? No. He did the opposite. Barney came to Tokyo to convince me to stay and follow my dream. I just... it simply wasn't what I wanted." Robin explained.

They both just sat there for a few minutes.

"Where are we going to go from here?" Ted asked.

"I don't know, Ted. I want everything to go back to normal, but I understand that you are upset. Just please don't take this out on Barney alone."

Ted was watching her while she spoke. He was still hopelessly in love with Robin, and shutting her out of his life wasn't an option.

Robin noticed how Ted looked at her, and realized that he was still in love with her. It shouldn't have come as such a surprise.

**McLarens 3 Months Prior**

Robin had agreed to get the next round, and was standing by the bar waiting.

"So, how do you want to do this?" Ted's loud voice close to her ear had startled her.

"What?" She asked, backing away a little.

"This…" he had leaned in to kiss her, and she was almost to astonished to push him back. She peered to the table, and saw that Barney was watching them curiously.

Ted followed her eyes. "I get it, not in front of everyone. Let's head up to the apartment then. Just like old times."

"Ted, what in the world makes you think I want to hook up with you tonight?" She had asked.

"Oh common, you came on to me all night." Ted replied.

"I did not!"

"Yeah right, I guess I must have imagined you playing footsie with me like all night."

And suddenly it all made sense to her. She almost laughed out loud. Oh Ted.

"I…" she was going to say that that wasn't supposed to be his leg, but caught herself.

"Yes?" Ted asked, still this hopefulness in his voice.

Great job Robin, she thought, how in the world would she explain herself out of this one? She might as well go upstairs with him.

"Look, I was just messing around."

"Yeah you were." His eyes beamed.

"No Ted, I was really just playing around. I am sorry if I mislead you."

"Mislead? Robin you..."

"Whatcha talking about?" Barney interrupted them.

"Nothing." Ted quickly replied.

"Well, than let's get these drinks back to the table." Barney grabbed the beers. Ted had already walked off; seemingly mad.

"What's his problem?" Barney asked under his breath as Robin leaned forward to get the rest of the beers.

"I accidently came on to him."

Barney started to giggle, "how?"

"He is wearing a suit… I thought it was your leg." She whispered as they turned back towards the table.

Barney could barely contain himself from laughing out loud.

**McLarens Present Time**

"I hope we can move past this, I really do Robin, but it'll take some time." He finally said.

Robin nodded and asked, "What about Barney?"

"I thought you guys weren't hooking up anymore?" Ted shot back.

"We aren't, but I am still curious." She was still very calm.

"Honestly? I wouldn't mind if I'd never see him again." Ted replied.

"Ted… please, he is sorry. We are his family. Please don't punish him for something we both did."

Ted couldn't believe that Robin was taking Barneys side and defended him like this.

"Just remember Ted, we both made this mistake together. Barney shouldn't have bragged about it, but ultimately he was the one pulling the breaks. I know it's a lot to ask, but please don't let this destroy our group."

She got up. "I am really tired from all the travelling today. Maybe it's best if we get some sleep and talk about it some more tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure." Ted sounded defeated.

"Good night Ted." She said and started walking towards the door.

"Robin?" Ted asked and she turned around. "Welcome home."

She smiled and finally left the bar. She immediately pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and texted Barney.

_U were right. Not simple._

She had just hailed a cab when he replied.

_Told ya! _

Somehow those two words made her smile.

_BTW u dumbed me today. Sort of. _

This time he answered right away.

_Wow! When were we a couple? Ready for angry break-up sex anytime babe._

Robin shook her head laughing while typing.

_We never were a couple, but you put a stop to our arrangement today. _

_Yeah that TOTALLY sounds like me. _

_At least I am trying to salvage your friendship with Ted. U sending provocative pics of us is not doing any good._

This time it took a little longer for Barney to reply, and she wondered if he was contemplating whether or not she was mad at him.

_Common, normal people send postcards, I send smoking hot pics of my latest conquest. U used to appreciate that._

_I never appreciated those! Who else did you send that pic to? _

_No one. So u coming over or what?_

_Going home. Need to catch some Zzz's._

_Canada - It's not 1980 anymore. _

_Shut up._

The cab pulled up in front of her apartment, and she got out.

_Good nite Mrs. Stinson. _

_Night Barney. And thanks for everything._

_Please._

**Barney Apartment**

"Guess, someone couldn't sleep either," Barney said to himself as he went to answer the door at 2 am.

He did not at all expect Ted.

"Oh hey…what are you doing here?" He asked as Ted staggered into his living room.

"We need to talk!" Ted yelled, clearly drunk.

Barney didn't even bother to ask him what he wanted to talk about.

"How could you Barney? With Robin? ROBIN? Of all the women in New York you have to sleep with her?" Ted asked.

Barney put his hands in his bathrobe pockets, and decided to just stand there, and let Ted yell at him.

"It's sick! Your games and plays are sick Barney! You are a psychopath, you know that?" Ted continued.

Barney eyes trailed to the window, there was only one window lit in the apartment building across the street, he briefly wondered why those people were still up – they were probably banging.

"Look at me!" Ted demanded and walked towards him.

Barney did, and for a second he thought that Ted would punch him. Instead he continued his rant.

"She doesn't deserve this. Robin is not some bimbo you have your fun with, and then toss away the minute you get bored."

Barney looked him in the eye, "I know that Ted."

"I don't think you do. You are just using her for sex, like all the other girls on your list. But Robin doesn't deserve this! I don't know how you got her to agree to all of this in the first place, but you can not treat her like this."

"Ted, listen. Robin and I hooked up, that's all it was. A mutual, no strings attached affair that we both wanted. I know you don't want to accept that, but Robin is her own person, she can do whatever she wants – that includes me." 'What up' Barney thought.

"I dated her for over a year Barney! Isn't there an article in the bro code that bans something like this from happening?" Ted asked.

Barney really wished that Robin wouldn't be so against telling Ted that they were married. He would love to see the expression on Ted's face. Plus, it's not like they would tell them the truth. How fun would it be to pretend that they got married because they were in love, and drive everyone crazy by playing an obnoxiously sweet couple?

"For gods sake Barney, she is the love of my life, and you just turn on me like that? And for what? Some nights of fun?"

"Ted, Robin and you didn't work out for a reason." Barney tried to stay as calm as possible. "You got to move on bro. I know I screwed up, and I shouldn't have hit on your ex-girlfriend, but this was mutual. Robin slept with me because she wanted to, not because of a play, or some scheme."

"You know what I think?" Ted asked, he was so close now that Barney could smell the alcohol in his breath. "I think she was vulnerable after our break-up and you took advantage!"

Barney couldn't help but think that there was some truth to that. But then again, she wasn't vulnerable when they first started to get closer, and she certainly wasn't vulnerable because of the break-up.

"That's not what happened. You really don't know Robin that well, for having dated her for over a year. She is not the type of chick that will let a break-up deter her better judgment."

"We dated for a year! Of course she was vulnerable after our break-up. Anyone getting out of such a long-term relationship would have been." Ted insisted.

"Look Ted, I think you should get some sleep. Sober up. Plus it's really late and we both have to work tomorrow."

Surprisingly Ted obeyed, and started to walk towards the door. "Don't bother showing up at McLarens anytime soon," were his last words before he slammed the door shut behind him.

Barney tilted his head back and closed his eyes. Yep, there was nothing simple about any of this.

**McLarens the following Night**

"I am sorry Tokyo didn't work out," were Marshall's first words as Robin arrived at McLarens that night.

"But now you are back in New York!" Lily exclaimed as she got up to hug her best friend. Marshall followed her lead.

"Thanks you guys. Yeah I am glad to be back too." She said, pulling up a chair. The seat next to Ted was still vacant, but she thought it was still too soon to go there.

"So, tell us everything!" Marshall requested.

"For starters, the news in Japan are a lot different from those in the US." Robin explained. "One day a monkey was my co-host!"

"No way!?" Marshall asked excited.

"Way!" Robin replied.

"I'd say you had worst" Ted finally spoke up and Robin was really relieved about it. She couldn't have dealt with his hostile behavior all night.

"True. Neat less to say, that wasn't my dream job after all." Robin concluded.

"Well, we are glad that you are back!" Lily excitingly stated.

"Did you bring Barney back with you, or is he still chasing Japanese girls?" Marshall asked.

"He might be chasing Japanese girls right now, but if so, he's doing it in New York." Robin smirked.

"So spill it. What's this thing between Barney and you?" Lily asked.

Robin glanced over to Ted who was chugging his beer.

"There is no _thing_ between Barney and me. We hooked up a couple of times. End of story." Robin explained and after meeting Ted's eyes she added, "it's over."

"Was the sex amazing?" Lily continued asking.

"Lily?!" Both Ted and Marshall interjected.

"Fine… don't tell me." Lily gave in. "Actually, tell me later."

Robin grinned; she had really missed her friends.

"So what have you guys been up to?" She asked and prompted a half an hour recollection of the past three weeks in New York.

"Look who's here!" Marshall was the first to notice Barney.

Robin turned around in her chair; she was surprised to see him. They had briefly talked earlier, Barney had told her about Ted's late night visit and how it ended. She hadn't expected him to make an appearance.

"Is that a new suit? He looks really nifty!" Lily observed while trying to wave Barney over.

"What are you doing?" Ted interrupted her, catching her arm mid-air.

"What?" Lily asked back.

"I don't want him to come over!" Ted said under his breath but Robin could still hear him.

"I don't think you have to worry about that." Marshall said, nodding towards Barney.

He hadn't as much as glanced at the group. Instead he had started talking to an attractive brunette at the bar.

"He is such a decent and classy guy." Ted said, his voice throbbing with sarcasm.

Robin turned her back to Barney, and faced Ted.

"Let it go Ted." She simply said.

And Ted did let it go, until Barney started to make-out with the brunette.

"Okay seriously, look at him. How could you have been attracted to someone like him?"

"Ted, not cool." Lily commented.

Robin would have had focused more on Barney if she wouldn't have picked up on the alarming tone in Lily's voice.

"What was that?" she asked her.

"What was what?"

"That comment." Robin replied.

"Nothing."

"Lily spill it." Robin demanded.

"Fine. Ted showed us the picture of you and Barney in Tokyo. I just… it must suck seeing him with someone else only 48 hours after you guys were together."

"That's what you get when you date Barney Stinson" Ted commented.

"Okay first of all, we never dated. Secondly, it's fine. We had a good time, but it was never more than a casual fling."

Little did Robin know that all three of her friends had the same exact image in their head at that moment: How happy she and Barney had looked in the pictures they had found.

Lily felt sorry for her friends. They were both deluding themselves into believing that nothing meaningful happened between them because they were both afraid of commitment.

Marshall thought that Robin simply didn't want to reveal that this hurt her in front of them.

Ted still couldn't believe that Robin ever went there with Barney. And that he would show up here tonight, hooking up with some girl in plain sight of everyone.

"This proofs what a jackass Barney really is!" Ted said out loud.

"Really, it's fine." Robin repeated. She felt her cell phone vibrate.

"Hey, any of you guys know what the weather is supposed to be like tomorrow? The jetlag is still killing me, and since I don't have a job yet, I figured I could take an excursion to the Hamptons." She used it as an excuse to pull her cell phone out and read the message.

_U or her 2nite. Ur decision. _

Of course it was from Barney.

_Me. Give me 10._

She hit send and quickly switched to her weather app. "Oh shoot, it's supposed to rain."

"You can always check out a museum, I bet you haven't been to all the big ones." Lily suggested.

"Yeah, I'll figure something out. Well, I should probably get going anyways. I promised my little sister to be on Skype tonight. She wants to hear ALL the details from my time in Tokyo." Robin said and grabbed her purse.

"You should probably leave all the Barney related stories out." Marshall joked.

Robin could have made a smart comment about that, but didn't want to upset Ted anymore. Instead she simply said, "thanks for the advice."

"Are you going to come tomorrow night?" Lily asked.

"Sure. Let's talk tomorrow though. Good night you guys!" She headed towards the bar.

"Hey Barney," she greeted him while waiting to pay for her drinks. Barney and the brunette stopped making-out.

"Hey Scherbatsky." He said with that up-to-no-good grin of his.

Robin briefly checked out the girl before asking, "having a good night?"

"Only the best!" He replied.

Carl finally came over. "Barney already got yours," he explained. Robin turned back to Barney, "well, I guess I'll see you."

And even though she would have really liked to confront Carl about telling Ted she opted for doing it another time, and simply left the bar.

Of course Marshall, Lily and Ted were watching every move of the encounter.

"They seem civil with each other," Marshall commented.

"Yeah, I didn't get the impression that it bothered her at all." Lily was clearly surprised by that development.

"What about you Ted, you know her better than any of us." Marshall asked.

"Same here. I guess that makes sense, she finally realized what an ass he is."

"Maybe, but they seem to have left off on good terms."

"Good for them!" Marshall exclaimed.

"I guess… I still don't get it."

"That's because you are a hopeless romantic. The concept of friends just hooking up for fun one day, and going back to normal the next doesn't really exist in your way of thinking." Lily explained.

"A One-Night-Stand okay, but they went on at least two trips together." Ted felt like something wasn't right, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Well, looks like Barney is getting lucky tonight." Marshall said while pointing towards the door where Barney was just leaving with his arm around the girl.

"Unbelievable!" Ted said in disgust.

"I know, how does he always do that?"

**Outside of McLarens**

Robin had waited in the alley, hidden by the long shadows of the buildings around here. She watched Barney and the girl hailing a cab, and Barney fumbling for his phone just as he was about to enter it.

"Missed call, guess my wife wants to check where I am at." She could hear him say.

"You are MARRIED?" The girl shrieked.

"Uhm…yeah. Didn't I tell you?" Barney asked.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe this! You are disgusting!" And with that the girl slammed the door shut and the cab drove away.

Barney turned around as Robin stepped out of the shadows, "works ever time." He smirked as he closed in on her.

The door of McLarens was opened behind them and Barney wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back in the dark. Some customers they didn't know walked by without noticing them.

Instead of letting go Barney smoothly forced her backwards until her back was leaning against the brick wall. He closed in all the way and whispered, "I really hoped you would be up for this tonight."

"Ba... Barney," Robin pushed him back slightly when he leaned in to kiss her.

She felt his hand on her thigh, pulling her skirt up and finally heaving her leg. "Yeah?" He asked before leaning down to kiss her neck.

She had wanted to tell him how disgusting and revolting kissing him after he'd made out with some random girl was to her. Instead she simply said, "no kissing."

"Right… the girl." He lifted her off the ground.

"We really should go home, Barney. This is a bad idea…if Ted catches us." Robin tried to be the voice of reason, but both knew that there was no turning back now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Inside of McLarens**

It had been a normal night, and now that everything calmed down a bit Carl signaled Wendy that he would take the trash out. Wendy nodded and headed back towards the bar to cover it.

Carl had owned this bar for a couple of years now, and nothing he found in the alley while taking out the trash could surprise him anymore. Especially not Barney Stinson hooking up with a girl.

So he tried to ignore the twosome going at it five yards from the back entrance of McLarens. The garbage bag hit the bottom of the waste container, Carl intuitively looked over to the secret lovers before going back inside. They were clearly startled by the sound, and for a second his and Robin's eyes meet. Then the door closed behind him.

"You got to be kidding," he mumbled to himself as he stood in the hallway. He turned around and looked at the closed door for a second. Barney had been making out with another girl all night, and Robin had definitively seen that. What in the world was she thinking?

He walked back into the bar, looking over to the booth were Ted, Marshall and Lily were still sitting, clearly having no idea what was going on outside. He briefly considered telling them about what he just witnessed. Not because he felt bad for Ted though, rather so they could talk some sense into Robin.

He couldn't get over the fact that she had seen Barney making out with that other girl, and yet, only minutes later they were hooking up.

**New York Yellow Cab**

"Shit." Robin repeated for the tenth time since Carl had noticed them.

"Calm down," Barney sounded annoyed.

"What if he tells Ted again, Barney?" Robin asked, equally aggravated.

"Why would he do that?" Barney asked and placed his hand on her knee, "seriously, it'll be fine."

Robin turned away from him and looked out the window. They didn't speak until the cab pulled up in front of Barneys apartment building.

"Are you coming?" He asked when she didn't make any effort to exit the cab with him.

"No. You don't even have a bed sheet, yet alone a towel for me. I am going home."

Barney hesitated. "Your place isn't that great either, your bed is way too small and encourages accidental cuddling. Besides, it's in Brooklyn, you know how time consuming it is to get back to the city?"

"Good night Barney."

Barney was still indecisive whether he should get back in the cab, or go upstairs.

"Night Scherbatsky." He finally said and closed the door.

**Marshall and Teds Apartment the next Day**

"Oh hey," Ted was surprised that Robin had knocked instead of just letting herself in as she usually did.

"Hey, I hoped you'd be home. Do you have a minute?" Robin asked.

Ted nodded and stepped away from the door. "Do you want something to drink?" He asked, already halfway in the kitchen.

"No thanks." Robin followed him.

"What's the matter?" Ted asked as he turned to face her.

"I wanted to ask you where we are going from here." Robin said, leaning against the frame of the kitchen door.

"What do you mean?" Ted asked.

"Well it felt like I ambushed you last night by showing up at McLarens. I just want to make sure that me showing up was okay with you."

Ted nodded and said fondly, "of course it's okay."

Robin smiled, "thanks Ted. I know things are still weird between us, but I really missed hanging out with you guys."

"Yeah, no it's fine. Everyone makes stupid mistakes." Ted waved it off.

She knew that for the sake of their friendship she should have just let his comment slide, but she couldn't; "what happened between Barney and me wasn't a mistake."

Ted was clearly taken aback by her statement. "You are kidding, right?"

"It's just…I don't regret any of it and… I really wish you wouldn't resent Barney for it."

Neither one of them said something for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Ted cleared his throat.

"I am not going to forgive Barney for what he did if that's what you are asking me."

Robin nodded; "but maybe you could stop making excuses on my behalf. Ted I know this stings, but I am not delusional."

She could see on his face that he didn't buy it. Instead he thought that she would come to her senses eventually.

**McLarens Later that Night**

Robin headed to the McLarens early and found a seat at the bar.

"What can I get you?" Carl asked without really looking at her.

"The usual." She replied and watched him grab a bottle of scotch from the shelf behind him.

"You aren't going to tell Ted, are you?" she asked when he finally placed the drink in front of her.

"No. And I am sorry about slipping up last week. This thing between you and Barney has been going on for so long, I figured he knew."

"It had to come out eventually." She muttered.

Carl waited on another customer before turning back to her.

"Look, I know it's none of my business, but what the hell is this?"

Robin smiled, "a very complicated mess."

Carl leaned in closer, "look Robin, if Barney is blackmailing or threatening you…"

"What?" Robin interrupted him. "Wow! No. It's nothing like that Carl. I am fine. Really."

Carl shrugged; "all I am saying is that if you ever need help…" he let his sentence trail off and tended to other customers again.

Robin was too shocked to react, let alone notice Barney entering the bar.

"A pretty girl like you all by yourself?" he flirted, getting her attention.

"He…hey, what are you doing here?" She asked, trying to regain her composure.

"I am not going to stop coming to McLarens just because Ted says so. This has been my bar for years, long before I even met Ted." Barney explained and added, "He already got the booth and you guys."

Robin fully turned to Barney and for a brief second seeing him in his expensive suit made her sad. He was always masking his feelings by pretending to be the person people expected him to be; a selfish, manipulative, potentious jerk who didn't care about anyone. That wasn't the real Barney though. Or maybe after pretending for so long it was. Either way, there was another side to Barney, and it really started to aggravate her that nobody saw it. Everyone just assumed that he was the villain in all this, and that she needed to be rescued from him.

**Barneys Apartment Seven Months Prior**

The logical thing would have been to tell Ted. The smart thing would have been to explain everything to Marshall. Yet she ended up in front of Barneys door.

He knew that this was serious right away, and immediately kicked the girl he was about to hook up with out. She watched him put his shirt back on. Watched him pour her a glass of scotch.

And then she just told him. Everything. There were more tears involved than she was proud of. Thinking back now she was glad that Barney never mentioned those again.

He had pulled her into his arms. That was the very first time she had noticed the smell of his after-shave. It was the first time they ever were that close - both emotionally and physically.

She was glad that she had turned to him, because, when he finally spoke he didn't blame her or demanded to know what she had been thinking, instead he simply said:

"Robin, I don't know how we are going to fix this, but I promise you, they won't get to you."

And against all odds, she'd trusted him.

**McLarens Present Time **

Barney noticed Ted, Marshall and Lily entering the bar, and walked off to the Jukebox. He got that Ted was still mad at him, and for Robin's sake he wasn't going to argue. The friendship to Ted was very important to her, and for her sake he hoped it would be rekindled.

He blankly starred at the songs in the jukebox; maybe coming here wasn't that great of an idea after all.

"Going home with me tonight?" Robin asked, pinching him in the arm as she walked by. She turned around as she was opening the door to the restroom, and he gave her a wink.

For a second he contemplated following her into the ladies room, but of course Ted was watching him like a hawk. So instead he turned around and scouted the talent of the night.

….

"I don't understand what he is doing here! Can't he take his hoeing somewhere else?" Ted asked annoyed.

"Just let him be, Ted. It's not like he is in your face or anything." Marshall commented.

"Exactly. Plus nothing like watching Barney get slapped or a drink thrown at." Lily giggled. Both things had already happened tonight.

"This is his bar too." Robin said.

"Of course you'd defend him." Ted snapped at her.

"Woah, calm down buddy." Marshall interrupted.

"So, our wedding video is edited and finished at last. We were thinking about doing a movie night and watching it with you guys. What do you think? I bet it'll be a lot of fun. " Lily changed the subject.

"That actually does sound like a lot of fun." Robin commented.

"So tomorrow night okay?" Marshall asked.

Both Ted and Robin agreed and they quickly decided who brought which snack.

….

This girl was chatty. Now she was going on and on about her guinea pig, or was it a bunny? Who cares, better to sit here and pretend to listen than getting another drink thrown in his face.

He didn't want to upset Robin tonight, so he had purposely struck out all night. Yes Robin was cool and didn't mind his games much, but tonight she would be the only one he was kissing.

It was ironic that what happened next occurred on a night when he wasn't having any intentions of hooking up with the girl across the table.

Apparently the chatty girl didn't just have a guinea pig, but also a very jealous boyfriend who had followed her to the bar.

Everything happened very fast, he heard a guy yell; "you messing with my girl?" Seconds later he was lifted out of the chair by two very strong hands.

"Look… this is not what it looks like." Barney tried to reason with the guy.

It was pointless.

The blow almost knocked him out and he struggled to stay on his feet. He saw the guy charging for him once more and squinted his eyes.

The second blow never came. He heard Robins voice close to his ear saying his name. Her arms caught him as his knees gave away. They both ended up on the ground.

He opened his eyes; Robins face was very close to his, she looked worried. Behind her was Marshall, pinning the guy to the wall.

"Are you okay?" Robin asked.

Barney nodded and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He wasn't surprised to see blood when he looked down.

The girl he had been talking to was screaming at Marshall to let her boyfriend go.

Marshall finally did, standing between Barney and Robin on the ground, and them as they left the bar.

"Thank you." Barney said when Marshall turned to them.

Marshall extended a hand out to pull Barney back to his feed. Robin turned around and got a napkin. She carefully dabbed the cut on his lip.

"This looks really deep Barney." She whispered. "You need to get home, and disinfect the wound."

Barney noticed how Marshall gazed towards the booth where Ted and Lily were still sitting before saying, "I will take him."

Of course, Marshall didn't want Robin to take him home because that would upset Ted.

…

"Is Barney gonna be okay?" Lily asked when Robin sat back down.

She nodded. "Marshall is taking him home."

Robin didn't realize she was shaking until she reached for her beer.

"One day some guy is going to shoot him after catching him in bed with his wife." Ted prophesied.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Lily asked and placed her hand on Robins arm.

"Yeah… just, shaken up." She still felt the adrenalin pumping through her body.

"He will be fine." Lily assured her.

"You are not seriously worried for Barney, are you? He had it coming." Ted commented.

"No… I know he'll be fine." Robin said.

Everything had happened so fast. She had noticed the guy charging towards Barney, yet it took her brain a second to realize what was going on. There was a lot of tumult, and then Barney stumbled backwards. She was the first one on her feet, but even through Marshall had been sitting with the back to Barney he must have been right behind her because he tackled the guy as she reached Barney.

"Good thing Marshall was there." Robin said, smiling at Lily.

" You reacted very fast yourself." Ted noted, it sounded like an accusation.

"Unlike you." Robin shot back.

"I am not going to get into a fight defending Barneys unethical behavior." Ted replied.

Robin didn't want to get into an argument with him.

"I always forget about Marshalls fighting skills," Robin said, turning to Lily who was visibly glad for the topic change.

**New York Yellow Cab**

"Thank you for stepping in man," Barney's head had starting pounding.

"Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" Marshall replied.

"Friends huh?" Barney asked.

Marshall shrugged. "I don't hold a grudge against you. You and Robin are adults, and can do whatever you want."

"That picture you send to Ted was not cool though. What did you do that for?" Marshall added.

"Manipulating my own chances of rekindling our brohood?" Barney made it sound like a question even though he knew exactly why he had sent that pic to Ted. He wanted him to understand that Robin wasn't his anymore. He knew that she wasn't exactly his either, but he really wanted Ted to back off.

"You gotta stop doing stuff like that. Seriously, you make some bad decisions sometimes."

"No arguments here." Barney said, wiping more blood off his mouth.

"Good thing Robin didn't have her gun on her." Marshall joked.

Barney smiled, it hurt.

"What's this thing between you guys?" Marshall finally asked.

"Friends with benefits." Barney answered.

"Would you like it to be more?"

"Let me guess, Lily's opinion?"

"Well… you guys seem really close. I mean you flew to Tokyo just to see her. And she is Ted's ex. You wouldn't break the Bro Code for anybody." Marshall explained.

"Of course Robin isn't just another girl to me. She has been one of my closest friends for years."

"Why do you still hook up with other girls then?"

"No, you misunderstood. Being with Robin is different to any other girls, but that doesn't mean we have romantic feelings for each other. We really are – were – friends with benefits."

Marshall nodded. "So, how is it?"

Barney looked at him dumbfounded, "dude, I am not going to kiss-and-tell, this is Robin. However, that girl last night, we went to the alley behind McLarens…"

"Stop Barney. Just stop, I don't want to hear your filthy stories." Marshall said.

"Hey, we are going to have a movie night tomorrow – our wedding video – are you coming?" Marshall asked.

"I am pretty sure Ted would not want me there." Barney replied.

"Yeah, you are probably right. Man I hate that our group is torn apart."

"If you want you can watch it on my giant TV? I got a work thing tomorrow night anyway." Barney suggested.

"Really? That would be awesome! We would probably get there around 8pm and stay two, three hours."

"That's fine. I have a dinner with the Koreans, and afterwards I was going to work some overtime with our new accountant – she is Lebanese." Barney winked at Marshall.

**Barneys Apartment later that Night**

Barney had taken six aspirins but his headache was unimpressed by that. This was not the night he had envisioned. His cell phone buzzed and he grabbed it off his nightstand.

_U okay? _

Robin.

_U kidding? This is nothing for the Barnman! _ He replied, and laid back down.

_Did the bleeding stop?_

_Robin, I am fine. It's just a scrape._

She didn't reply right away. He felt the wound with his index finger, it was pulsing and hot, and clearly pretty deep.

_U want me to come over?_

First he typed yes, but then he changed his mind.

_I'm fine. See ya 2morrow afternoon? _

_Sure. 4pm ur place ok?_

_Perfect!_

**Barneys Apartment the next Night**

"You look like a bad ass." Robin said while looking at him through the mirror.

Barney buckled his belt and stepped behind her. She was wrapped in a bath towel, reapplying her make-up after showering. He put his arms around her waist.

"And you find it very appealing." He said.

"I sure do," Robin grinned, turning her head to kiss Barney.

Any movement with his mouth hurt, but this was worth it.

"We better hurry." Robin said when their lips separated.

"Relax, Marshall said they'd be over at eight, we got plenty of time."

"What are you going to do tonight?"

"Probably head down to McLarens." He shrugged.

"I wish we could just watch it all together."

"Well, it's probably not that great anyways. We weren't hooking up back then so no chances of seeing anything worthwhile." Barney smiled.

…

"Well, obviously Ted wasn't thrilled to be watching the video here, but he agreed anyways. It's Barneys giant TV! How can you not want to come over." Marshall reported as he and Lily entered Barneys apartment.

"I love it! Plus Barney isn't even around."

"Exactly. Did you tell Robin that we would watch the video here?" Marshall asked.

"No I haven't. Let me text her." Lily placed the groceries on the kitchen counter.

Both Marshall and Lily stopped in their tracks when they heard voices from the other room.

"I thought you said Barney was at work?" Lily whispered.

"That's what he said." Marshall defended himself. "I did tell him we wouldn't come over 'till eight though, but I figured if he was at work all day anyways…"

"Shoot. What should we do?" Lily asked.

"I don't know. Ted will be here any minute."

"I say we just set everything up. He will probably be glad to have an excuse to get the skank out of here."

"I don't know Lily, maybe we should just sneak out?" Marshall suggested.

_Change of plans: Movie night at Barneys. Can you pick up some ice-cream?_

Lily hit send and seconds later they heard a cell phone buzz.

Marshall spotted the phone, and picked it up.

_New Message from Lily_

"Oh crab." He said.

"The girl in there is Robin?" Lily's eyes got wide.

The front door opened, and Ted stepped in. He was also carrying grocery bags.

Lily quickly walked towards him, "you were right Ted; this was a bad idea. Let's head back over to our apartment instead."

"What? Why? And why are you whispering?" Ted asked.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Robin's surprise yelp startled everyone.

Lily slowly turned around, Robin was merely wrapped in a towel.

She heard a loud noise behind her. Ted had dropped the grocery bags.

"What's going on babe?" Barney appeared bare-chested behind Robin.


	10. Chapter 10

**I had planned to take a break from writing, but then I saw all you guys' great comments and well, read for yourselves :) **

**Barneys Apartment**

Ted was the first one to move.

"I got to get out of here." He said, turning towards the door.

Marshall leaped forward and blocked it.

"NO! Nobody is leaving! I am sick and tired of this! Ted you got to stop acting like this, yes it hurts, but you have to get over it. Robin and you broke up over eight months ago! You have dated other women during that time, stop acting as if this is a huge betrayal."

Ted swallowed hard. Next Marshall turned his attention to Barney and Robin.

"And you two: Just, for the love of God, admit to yourselves that you have feelings for each other! You guys are dating! Enough already with all the manipulating and lying!"

Everyone was silent for a minute.

"Now…can we all just stop moping and watch our wedding video? Lily spent a lot of time making brownies and cupcakes. I don't care if you don't want to be in the same room with each other, you can suck it up for a couple of hours!"

**Barneys Apartment Bathroom**

Barney and Robin had gone back into the bathroom to get fully dressed.

"Wow, we lost our sneakiness since Tokyo. We didn't get caught in seven months and now twice in 48 hours." Robin realized.

"I know, what's up with that?" Barney grabbed his shirt.

"Of course Marshall and Lily interpret our hooking up as having secretive feelings for each other," Robin smirked.

"I know, so stupid." Barney was buttoning his shirt now.

"Although, I do have feeling for you." He added.

Robin turned around, one eyebrow raised.

"Penis feelings – what up?"

Robin laughed, and they high-fived.

**Barneys Apartment Living room**

Ted was sitting on the couch, cross-armed and pouting. Marshall sat down next to him.

"I am sorry buddy. I know you still love her." Marshall placed his hand on Ted's shoulder.

"It's not just that… of all the people she choose Barney? Really?"

Marshall shrugged.

"Do you really think they are in love?" Ted looked up.

"You said it yourself, remember? I believe that there is something there, yes. They clearly enjoy spending time with each other, and they have a strong…connection. I think they would have ceased hooking up if it were just about sex, especially after the mess they caused."

Ted put his head back. He couldn't believe how much had changed within the last 10 days.

"Who wants what?" Barney asked as he entered the living room again, heading towards his bar.

"I am just sticking to beer," Lily replied.

"Yeah, me too." Marshall joined in.

"Oh common you guys! There is a great drinking game in there somewhere. How about every time Marshall and Lily sneak off to the restroom together?"

"Every time you make-out with a girl… man we would be so hammered!" Ted laughed hysterically.

"See that's the spirit!" Barney said joyfully.

Ted got up, "I can't believe you! You could at least stop sleeping around for Robins sake."

"Ted, let's just calm down, Popcorn?" Lily asked.

Ted ignored her, "for god's sake, you hooked up with one of your bimbos a day after returning from Tokyo!"

"Or did I?" Barney replied, winking at him.

"What do you mean, we saw you leave with her!" Ted replied.

"See Ted, the mind is funny that way. You only see what you want to see." Barney started in his lecturer voice.

"So we imagined you making out with her all night?" Ted asked.

"No, that totally happened. I just didn't hook up with her." Barney said, pouring himself and Robin a glass of scotch.

"Dude, you kind of told me about it… the alley?" Marshall said.

Barney grinned, "I never specified who the girl was…"

"Ew!" Ted exclaimed.

"Barney just put the DVD in already!" Lily demanded.

Ten minutes later they had all gathered around and started to watch the film. Watching their alter egos as close friends in the video was weird. Especially for Ted, Barney and Robin.

At the time of the wedding, Ted and Robin were still dating so the video made Ted feel even more nostalgic than he already did. Seeing himself dancing with Robin, seeing him goofing around with her, it all made him realize how much he had lost.

Robin on the other hand had a completely different train of thought as she watched the video. The filmmaker had interviewed the guests throughout the night, asking them questions or prompting them to give their well wishes to the happy couple. Each and every one of Barneys snippets had a central theme; marriage was a huge mistake. Yet, only a couple of months later he had said, "I do" to her. She glanced over to her friends; Ted, Marshall and Lily were completely entranced by the movie, and she couldn't help but giggle – if they only knew.

The video made Barney reminiscent about his own wedding. He really was married! Sometimes his brain still couldn't grasp the magnitude of that split decision he had made seven months ago. Sure this wasn't an only-have-sex-with-one-person-till-you-die kind of marriage, but it was still a marriage. How crazy would it be if he could pop their own wedding video in after they were done watching Marshall and Lily's? Ted would probably die of a heart attack. Sadly they didn't get a video. Not that it would have been that great anyways, they were both kind of drunk, and the ceremony only lasted fifteen minutes. Now if he had a video of their wedding night – that would be a different story!

He looked over to Robin and their eyes met for a second. She smiled knowingly, and Barney thought that he sure had married an awesome girl. So what when it was for all the wrong reasons and wouldn't last? He was going to enjoy it while it did.

"How much longer of the ballroom dancing is there?" Barney asked and got up to pour himself another scotch. "This is boring! I thought there would at least be some fails."

"Lily falls at the cake cutting." Marshall reminded him.

"Yeah, that wasn't that funny." Robin commented.

"Seriously, that's the lamest dancing ever!" Barney pointed at the TV and added "and just to be clear, I am talking about all of you."

"You have to talk, you weren't even dancing Barney." Lily noticed.

"I didn't want to eclipse you. It was your wedding after all."

"You can't dance." Marshall challenged him.

"It's a must-have trait for a womanizer, 83% of women will sleep with a guy who can dance." Barney lectured them.

"Proof it." Marshall said, pausing the video.

"Fine, common Lily." Barney said, putting his tumbler down.

"Why me?" Lily asked while getting up.

Barney turned some music on and took his jacket off.

"Marshall, you were warned, your wife might want to sleep with me after this." Barney said confidently.

"I'll take my chances," Marshall replied.

It was a disaster, and even Ted laughed.

"Lily! Stop trying to lead!" Barney complained.

"Stop stepping on my toes!" Lily countered.

They stopped and Barney called on Robin.

"Robin was a teenage popstar, of course she can dance." Marshall argued.

"Fine, Ted, you dance with Robin first. Marshall and Lily will be the judges." Barney said, sitting back down.

Ted was caught off guard. "What?"

"Let's just humor him." Robin pulled Ted off the couch.

It was super awkward at first, but then Ted relaxed. By the time he was sitting back down he was sincerely having a good time.

"Okay, ready for the main event of the evening?" Barney imitated a boxing referee.

He stood opposite of Robin and held one of her hands while placing his other on her hip.

"Just let me lead, I know what I am doing, okay?" He asked.

"If I had a nickel," she grinned, and Barney gave her an annoyed look.

It turned out that Barney did know what he was doing.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" Lily exclaimed as Barney swirled Robin, catching her with ease.

Marshall nudged Ted, even he was watching them with awe.

A minute into it Barney went to tip Robin once again, but lost his balance and they crashed.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay? That didn't sound too good. Robin how is your back?" Lily had jumped up.

"I am fine." Robin replied laughing. Barney had actually extended his arms while they were falling and caught her. He was still over her, and as she looked into his eyes she knew with absolute certainty that he had just done that on purpose.

Their friends helped them back up.

"Are you sure you are okay?" Marshall checked.

"See, being with Barney always bears risks and endangers your well-being." Ted commented, but for the first time there was no resentment in his voice.

They all ended up dancing, and for the time being both the video and their feud was forgotten.

**New York Cab Later that Night**

Since Marshall and Lily didn't want to split a cab with them, Robin and Ted, completely accidental and unplanned by the married couple, ended up alone in one.

"Man, what a night." Robin sighed.

"I forgot how goofy and competitive Barney is." Ted replied.

They both knew that they had to talk about the elephant in the room, but neither one wanted to risk destroying the fun atmosphere of the night.

"This is how it's gonna be, huh? You and Barney?" Ted finally said.

"Yeah… I am sorry we lied about not hooking up anymore."

"Well, I can't blame you. I haven't been acting very mature these last couple of days."

They smiled at each other.

"I am not gonna lie, it will probably take me a few more weeks to get used to this." Ted said.

"Nothing will change Ted, Barney and I won't start acting all gooey and romantic all of a sudden. Sure you guys know now, but we are still just casually hooking up every now and then." Robin explained.

"You two seemed very close and intimate earlier – babe." Robin never let him call her any nicknames while they were dating.

"Well yeah, sleeping with each other will do that to a friendship, but that doesn't mean anything. We are still just friends with benefits Ted."

Ted smiled and Robin could see that he wasn't buying it. Jesus, first Marshall now Ted too? Was she only surrounded by hopeless romantics. She decided against confronting him about it and just let him believe whatever he wanted.

The cab stopped in front of Ted's apartment building. He paid, turned to Robin and said, "just don't let him hurt you, okay?" before exiting the cab.

Robin rolled her eyes; you can't get hurt if no feelings are involved, she thought.

**Marshall and Teds Apartment**

"And? How did it go?" Lily asked excitingly and jumped off the sofa.

"Are you guys friends again?" Marshall added.

Ted let himself fall onto the couch, and corrected Marshall "we were friends all along."

"Sure Ted, but did you talk to her about Barney?" Lily asked.

"Sort of." Ted let himself fall onto the couch. "I guess I will have to accept that this is happening."

"Good for you! Plus, it's Barney and Robin, there is no way that it'll last." Marshall tried to cheer his friend up.

"Well, apparently she is very lenient when it comes to his behavior." Ted replied.

"The most important thing is that we can all still hang out together, right?" Lily interjected.

"Exactly." Marshall added.

Ted nodded. He still wasn't on board with all of this, but somehow seeing Robin dance with Barney made him realize that this somehow made her happy. It didn't make any sense, at least not to him, but he cared about Robin, and he could do this for her.

**Barneys Apartment **

"I was hoping you'd come back." Barney said while letting her in.

"Dancing as an ice-breaker… nicely done Stinson."

"I don't know what you are talking about." Barney replied.

"Sure you don't."

Barney raised an eyebrow and grinned.

"Would you risk giving me another dance Scherbatsky? I couldn't really pull my best moves off earlier with Ted watching."

"I was hoping you would ask."

Barney took her hand and pulled her assertively into his arms. "Let's finally have our own wedding dance, Mrs. Stinson."

**McLarens a week later**

"Hey, where are the boys?" Robin asked as she was scouting into the booth across from Lily.

"Marshall is running late at work, no clue where Ted's at, he'll probably get here soon…well and Barney." She pointed towards the jukebox where Barney was chatting up a blond.

Robin turned around to take a quick look, "guess, it'll just be the two of us then. Do you wanna get an appetizer? I am starving and who knows how long it will take till everyone shows up."

"Sure, I pay for it if you go over to Barney and make-out with him."

"Why would I do that?" Robin asked delighted.

"Just to screw with him. The look on his face would be priceless…on her face probably too."

"Lily I know what you are doing." Robin pointed out.

"Daring you to do something totally crazy?" Lily asked.

"No, trying to make me look like a jealous girlfriend."

"So you are boyfriend and girlfriend!"

"No, we are not, Lily. Barney and I aren't dating. Stop making this out to be more than it really is."

"Fine. I still think you should go over there though."

"It's not gonna happen," Robin replied and started to read the menu.

"How about if I show you my drivers license in return?" Lily offered.

Robin looked up, "you got my attention."

"Just go over there and make-out with Barney." Lily leaned in.

Robin bit her lip. That was a pretty good deal.

**Ted and Marshalls Apartment 2 Months Prior**

"You will not believe the guys at the DMV!" Lily had been furious as she entered the apartment.

Marshall, Ted, Barney and Robin were sitting around, eating Chinese.

"What happened?" Marshall asked.

"I went to renew my license today, and I knew they would take a new picture so I got my hair done, got a tan, and even bought a new top. And then, right when they took it I had to sneeze. You know how horrible it turned out? I begged them to take a new one, but no."

"Oh common Lily, I am sure it's not that bad." Ted tried to cheer her up.

"I am sneezing! I will never be able to pay with a credit card again." Lily whined.

"Baby, don't worry about it. Everyone has bad pictures on their drivers license." Marshall argued.

Ted got his wallet out and showed Lily his. "Case in point."

"Okay that is pretty bad." Lily giggled. "When did you have a mustache?"

"WHAT?" Barney asked, grabbing the license out of Lily's hand.

"Ha ha Ted looks like a 70s porn star!" He exclaimed.

"Let's see yours Barney, I am sure it's not much better." Ted replied, taking his license back.

"I don't have a license, but if I did the picture would be awesome!"

"Mine isn't the best one either," Marshall passed his license around.

"Hey Robin, what about yours?" Ted had noticed that Robin wasn't participating in the conversation, which could only mean that there was a really bad picture involved.

"Mine is good." Robin said, a little too hasty to sound believable.

"Uh Scherbatsky! Let's see yours!" Barney requested.

"Yeah, common we are all friends here." Ted chipped in.

"I am not going to show you mine so drop it." Robin was getting frustrated.

"You don't still have your Canadian license, do you?" Barney was getting really excited.

"Of course not."

"Then show us already!" Barney kept pushing.

"No." Robin locked eyes with him, but instead of letting go, Barney put his food carton down, jumped up and ran for her purse.

"BARNEY!" Robin was furious as she jumped up herself, tackling him.

Robin was throwing punches at him, and Barney finally seized his efforts.

"What did you do that for? I was just kidding." He said, rubbing he chest.

"You are a jerk." And with that Robin left the apartment.

"Wow – you really pissed her off dude." Ted realized.

Barney swallowed hard before going after Robin.

He caught up with her two flights down, and kept her from going any further by holding her by her arm.

"Robin wait," he said.

"Let go, now!" She hissed. Barney obeyed.

"Why are you so mad? I was just messing around." Barney asked.

Robin pulled her purse and the drivers' license out; "why am I so mad?" she asked shoving it into his face.

Barney glanced at the picture, "it's a pretty decent picture."

"It's not about the picture Barney." She said, still mad.

Barney took a closer look at the license.

_Robin Charles Stinson_

"Oh crab." He whispered.

He handed it back to her, "I am sorry."

She turned around, starting to walk down the next flight.

"Wait, where are you going?" Barney asked.

"Home."

"I said I was sorry Robin, it was a honest mistake." Barney pleaded.

"I know, but you can't go behind someone's back like that Barney, especially not mine." She walked back up, closing in on him.

"We are in this together Barney, and if we want to keep this a secret then you can't be completely oblivious to me."

He nodded, and she turned around to leave.

….

"Did you talk to her?" Ted asked when Barney came back.

"Yes, she went home."

"Wow, she was really pissed." Marshall said, still surprised at Robins reaction.

"Yep… lesson of the day: Never, ever ask Robin for her license!" Barney stated as he grabbed another beer. And never, ever attempt to do something she clearly doesn't want you to do, he thought while taking a big sip.

**McLarens Present Time**

"Fine, I'll do it." Robin said, getting up.

Barney was standing with his back to her. He was telling a mesmerizing story, at least judged by the look on the blonde girls face. It completely caught Barney off guard, one second he was talking; the next Robins tongue was in his mouth.

They separated after about ten seconds; Robin grinned at him and went back to the booth without saying a word.

"That was awesome! You should have seen the expression on the girls face - it looked like she saw a ghost!" Lily giggled, handing her license to Robin.

"Dang, that IS a bad picture!" Robin exclaimed.

Barney scooted in the booth next to Robin, "restroom or alley? Hi Lily."

"Neither, Lily dared me to do it." Robin answered, handing the license back to Lily.

"What?" Barney asked confused as he put his arm on top of the seat, his hand placed behind her neck, playing with the necklace.

"I did not. Don't blame your jealous behavior on me" Lily defended herself.

Robin rolled her eyes at her. "Really Lily? That's how you gonna play?"

"I'll stop both of you right there. Lily, I know every woman wants to have a piece of the Barnman, and righteous so. But he can't be tamed. Robin knows that, plus she isn't the jealous type, that's one of her best qualities…. Much more important, you two just manipulated me, and now I won't have sex with that blonde tonight. You know what that means, right? One of you has to step in and fill that void… so I can fill…"

"You two probably have time to sneak to the restroom before the Nachos come out, it'll give you some privacy to talk about your feelings for each other and define the relationship." Lily interrupted.

"Hey guys, what are we talking about?" Neither one of them had noticed Ted entering the bar.

"Where Robin and I should sneak off to, to do it." Barney answered.

Ted looked at Robin, "your lover is always so charming and subtle!"

"This one is ALL Lily's fault." Robin commented.

"Where were you anyways?" Barney asked, popping some nuts into his mouth.

"I met an amazing girl!" Ted exclaimed.

So Ted started to retell the story of meeting a girl on the subway. Their Nachos and Marshall arrived before he got to the point of where she gave him her number.

"I think I will call her right now." Ted said, pulling out a piece of paper.

"You can't call her right now." Marshall interrupted.

"Why not? I could invite her to come over and hang out with us?"

"Oh Teddyboy… you are planning on being engaged by the end of the night, aren't you?" Barney asked.

The comment made Robin laugh, and think back to the morning of their wedding day, when Barney had proposed marriage to her.

**Robins Apartment 7 Months Prior**

She didn't care who was at her door, if they weren't backing off soon she would get her gun.

She had stayed at Barneys well past midnight, first they talked about her legal issues, and then he had tried to cheer her up. He had done a pretty good job too, sure she was still worried on the cab ride back to her place, but she wasn't nearly as freaked out as earlier that evening.

It took her another couple of hours to get to sleep though, hence her resistance to get up.

Her cell phone buzzed, she grabbed it and read the message.

_Open up_

Barney, well that explained who was trying to drive her crazy.

_I'm sleeping_

She had replied but Barney wasn't gonna go away.

_If u r awake enough 2 text, u r awake enough 4 sex ;) Seriously though – OPEN UP!_

Robin sighed, she probably would have texted "go to hell" back if he hadn't been so nice to her last night.

So she finally did get up, and went to answer the door in her pajama pants and tank top.

"What Barney?"

Barney was on one knee, looking up at her, "Robin Scherbatsky, will you marry me?"

It stunned her for a second, but then she regained her composure. "Barney, did you buy pills off of that homeless guy on 45th again?"

"I am serious. I know it certainly won't solve all your problems, but… look Robin, I promised you to make this go away, and I think marriage is a good first step."

"You are kidding, right?" Robin asked.

"No, I am not. Will you marry me?"

"Barney stop that, it's not funny. None of this is a laughing matter!"

A door down the hall was opened and Robin pulled Barney inside her apartment.

"Barney, please…"

"I am not kidding Robin. We could fly to Vegas and elope. I know it won't solve everything but I think it would help your case."

"What?" she asked, slowly realizing that he really wasn't kidding.

"Think about it."

She'd rather not, because that was a truly scary thought.

"You hate marriage." She pointed out.

"This wouldn't be a real marriage though, I am just helping a good friend of mine who got into some trouble with the law out."

"Barney, I can't ask you to do this for me."

"Well, I am your only option Scherbatsky. I guess you could marry Ted, but then you would have to move to Shelter Island with him, have his babies and become totally lame. A lot more hassle if you ask me."

"Barney, this is insane!"

"Yes, but…"

"No 'but'. Marriage is not something you take lightly; do you even realize all the legal consequences that come with it? And what if we actually do find someone we want to take that step with? Have you thought about that? And how would I explain this to Ted? After the disaster last week."

"Robin," he had taken her hands into his, and waited until she looked him in the eyes.

"We both aren't the marrying kind, which makes this easy. If anyone can pull a fake marriage off without it having an affect on their emotional state it's us. So what if we are married, it will only be on paper anyways. Nothing is going to change."

**McLarens Present Time**

Robin was drawn back to reality by the commotion. Apparently Barney had gotten a hold on the paper with the girls phone number.

"Give it to me," Ted demanded and reached over the table to get the piece of paper back.

"Ted, trust me. I am doing you a favor." Barney replied and tucked the paper into his suit pocket.

"Barney, seriously!" Ted soared out of his seat, he got a hold of Barneys suit and was able to grab the paper out of the pocket.

"Ey!" Barney replied angrily, checking his suit for damage.

"Is that a wedding band?" Ted asked in disbelief and everyone turned to him.

"Give it back." Barney requested and this time it was his turn to reach over the table and try to get a hold of Ted's hand.

Robin gasped.

"Give it back and I will tell you what it's about!" Barney offered desperately.

"It's even engraved." Ted realized.

"GIVE IT BACK NOW!" Barney screamed and Robin, who was sitting next to Ted stepped in. She grabbed the ring out of his hand and hid it in her closed fist.

"Everyone calm down."

"Read it, I want to know what it says!" Lily demanded exited.

"Me too." Marshall jumped in and Ted said, "yeah Robin, don't be a drag, tell us what it says."

Barney and her eyes met. "I will give it back to you if you tell us the story." She finally said hoping he would come up with a good one quickly.

Barney nodded, he cleared his throat and said, "I use it to pick up girls."

"How would a wedding band help with that?" Marshall asked.

"I tell them my wife died but that I can't take the ring off yet cause it makes me feel as if she is still part of my life." Barney explained.

Robin had a feeling that he had actually used that line before. She handed the ring back to him.

"Seriously Robin, how can hearing something like this not make you see what a dirt-bag Barney is?" Ted asked.

She shrugged and got up, "I'll get the next round."

After ordering the drinks she turned her back to her friends and pulled her cell phone out.

_Cause you are MY dirt-bag. Nice save btw. Meet me in the alley in 5?_

She returned to the table as Barney was just getting up, explaining that he was going to smoke.

"That's a good idea, I am coming with you." Robin said while placing the beers on the table.

"Why do you always do that?" Ted asked and both Barney and Robin shot him a questioning look.

"We know you are going to hook up out there."

"What? We are gonna smoke, Ted. Get your head out of your ass." Barney revolted.

"So the text you just read underneath the table wasn't from Robin?" Lily questioned. She was sitting beside Barney and had seen him pull his iPhone out.

"No." Barney lied without hesitation.

"Ted, do you really think I would hook up with Barney after what we just learned?" Robin asked.

"Apparently – yes!" Ted replied.

Robin rolled her eyes, "well, we are not. Come out with us if you don't believe me."

No one followed them out. "Do you got cigarettes?" She asked once they were outside.

"Wait, you really wanted to come out here to smoke?" Barney asked surprised.

"No but now that they are onto us we better reek of cigarettes when we go back inside."

Barney sighed and pulled a pack of smokes out.

"I never knew you had your ring engraved." Robin said, exhaling smoke.

He didn't answer and she asked if she could see it.

"Sure." He said and fished for the ring in his pocket.

The dim light made it hard to read it and Robin moved closer to streetlamp.

"_Dibs on Robin Scherbatsky till eternity. B&R 11-27-06_"

It made her laugh. "You can't call dibs till eternity."

"Oh really? Then what do you think the priest meant with the 'till death do us part' section of his speech?" Barney asked.

Robin shrugged, "I give you this; your wife is probably the closest thing you could ever call dibs till eternity on."


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for the reviews :) BTW I didn't mean stop writing altogether, just taking a weekend off. I am really enjoying writing and reading your feedback, so I will keep updating. **

**Robins Apartment later that Night**

It had been a fun night, she was so glad that things were getting back to normal. Sure, Ted was still not thrilled about the idea of Barney and her hooking up, but at least he wasn't pouting anymore.

She thought about his ring and chuckled. She needed to come up with something witty for her ring too. It was hard to believe that they had been married for almost eight months now. It seemed like yesterday that they were standing in her living room, debating whether or not eloping was a good idea.

**Robins Apartment 7 Months Prior**

"And as for Ted, he never needs to know. Nobody needs to know really." Barney had persuaded her.

"Barney, this is a huge favor to do for someone, especially given your set of beliefs."

"Look Robin, I wouldn't suggest this if I hadn't thought it through. And you are right, I hate marriage! But this would be different; we both don't expect what a normal couple does when taking this step. We both don't anticipate a happily-ever-after, nor a picketed-fenced house in the suburbs. It won't confine us in any way."

Robin was too shocked to answer right away and so Barney kept going.

"You are the only girl I could ever imagine doing this with. Just think about how you reacted when you thought Ted was proposing last week. We are so alike when it comes to marriage. That's why I know it won't mess with our heads! It'll be fine."

Barney was so sure of himself. Robin thought back to the night before, and how he had promised to make her problems go away. She hadn't expected him to really act on it. At least not beyond given her a shoulder to cry on and helping her pick out a good lawyer.

She looked in Barney Stinson's blue eyes and took the leap of faith.

"Okay."

For a second the entire world seemed to stand still.

"I got us on the 9 am flight to Vegas." Barney said, breaking the silence.

It made her laugh, and the ice was broken.

Seconds later she was spinning around in her bedroom, packing for their trip.

"Do you got something white to wear?" Barney yelled from her living room.

"Well, sure a shirt or something." Robin replied, going through her drawers.

Her white summer dress caught her eye.

"DANG!" Barney had jumped off the couch when she came back into the living room.

"It'll work, right?" Robin asked.

"Work? That's the awesomest wedding dress of all times. You will be the hottest bride in Vegas." Barney came over to grab her suitcase, but Robin stopped him.

"Thank you Barney." She said, locking eyes with him.

"That's what bro's are for." He replied.

Robin had pulled him into a hug and for a minute they were just standing there.

**Robins Apartment Present Time**

Robin had freaked out and changed her mind silently a thousand times during that flight. They barely spoke. Barney was probably going through something similar. That's when the scotch had come into play; it had helped a lot.

She was glad that they had done it, not just because it tremendously helped her case but also because it had brought them closer together. Barney was the best friend she ever had. She could goof around with him one second, and have a heartfelt conversation the next.

He was unassuming, at least when it came to her; his bimbos were another story. He hadn't just covered all the costs, something they had argued about briefly in Vegas, but also handled most of her legal issues for her.

She had always hated guys doing things for her, always felt like she could do anything by herself. But Barney was different; he knew she could handle it herself. He had never made a big deal out of any of this; he didn't even once brought it up when they were fighting.

Yes, the decision to get married had been the right one. And it really had nothing to do with the mess they were in now. The sexual tension had been there before Vegas, the wedding might have speeded things up, but they would have hooked up sooner or later anyways.

**McLarens a couple of days later**

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while," Marshall greeted Robin as she slid in the booth across from him and Lily.

"I've been busy with the job hunt." Robin explained.

"And with Barney." Lily joked.

"Actually, I haven't seen him in a couple of days. He might be on a business trip, or on a banging trip."

"Ew!" Lily exclaimed disturbed.

Robin laughed; Barney would have appreciated her word play.

"Aren't you worried that something happened to him? It's not normal for people to just disappear without warning." Marshall interjected.

"He's fine." Robin answered.

"Can you at least text him and ask if he's coming tonight? We have an announcement to make." Lily and Marshall exchanged excited looks.

"Fine. By the way, where is Ted?" She asked while pulling her cell out.

"He'll be here in an hour or so, he and Tiffany went to the Empire State Building today."

"Tiffany?" Robin asked while texting.

_R u coming 2night? L&M have 'exciting' news to share._

"The girl he met the other day, they seem to get along pretty well." Marshall explained.

_I was going to but now…_

_Suck it up Stinson. If I can sit here, u can._

"Have you met her yet?" Robin asked.

"No we haven't. What did he say?"

_Fine. BTW I brought u something from Guatemala._

It made Robin laugh out loud. "He'll be here."

_Porn? _

Lily and Marshall exchanged smiles while Robin texted.

_No I am gonna keep THAT 4 myself. Cu l8r Scherbatsky._

Robin put her cell phone away and turned her attention back to Lily and Marshall.

"What?" she asked when she noticed them smirking.

"Nothing, it's just cute how you guys don't see how in love you are with each other." Lily shrugged.

Robin rolled her eyes, "I am not even going to respond to your ridiculous fantasies anymore."

"Yeah, well, just invite us to your wedding, will you?" Marshall asked.

Robin laughed and automatically brushed the necklace with her fingertips.

**McLarens later that night**

"I don't think Barney is coming." Lily finally said.

The evening had gone by fast. Ted had showed up with Tiffany, and they had heard every detail of their first week of knowing each other. They had ordered dinner, then a bunch of beers. Tiffany left around eleven, which had prompted a discussion about whether or not Ted should keep dating her.

Now it was almost midnight, and Barney was nowhere to be seen.

"He'll be here." Robin insisted, checking the door.

"He's probably banging some girl as we speak." Ted guessed.

"Ted?" Marshall asked, and added while tapping Robins arm, "he's probably just running late at work."

"Till midnight?" Ted asked amused.

Robin shook her head at Marshalls attempt to comfort her. "Okay, guys seriously. You got to stop acting like Barney is my boyfriend! I don't care with whom he is hooking up. Now is it really that important that he is here for your big announcement?"

"What big announcement?" Ted asked.

"Lily and I have news but we wanted everyone to be here." Marshall explained.

Robin pulled her phone out, "fine, I'll ask what's holding him."

_Stinson where are u?_

"Is it really that important for Barney to be here?" Ted asked.

"Yes." Marshall replied, waving Wendy over to order another round of beers.

"Just tell us. Barney won't care." Robin jumped in after Wendy had left again.

"What did he say?" Lily asked.

"He hasn't answered." Robin replied, sending Barney another text.

_R u tied up in some girl's bed again? _

"That's unusual for him." Marshall stated.

"10$ says he IS banging some chick right now." Ted insisted.

"Au!" He squealed a second later, Marshall had kicked him underneath the table.

"What? Robin said herself we shouldn't hold back about Barney in front of her."

"I'm with Ted." Robin said, "sex is pretty much the only thing that will distract him from his iPhone."

Lily and Marshall exchanged a sad look.

"Just tell us," Robin requested. Lily and Marshall were going to drive her insane. Thank god it had taken them so long to find out about Barney and her.

"Fine." Lily gave in.

Their expressions changed to excitement, and then they said in unison:

"We bought an apartment!"

"WHAT?" Ted asked.

"That's awesome! I didn't even know you were searching?" Robin wondered.

"Well, we are married now, it seemed like the natural next step." Marshall explained.

"Where is it?"

"Dowisetrepla." Lily explained excited.

"Dowisetrepla? Never heard of it." Robin wondered.

"Canada…" Marshall pointed at her, rolling his eyes.

"It's THE up and coming neighborhood!" Lily explained.

"When can we see it?" Ted asked.

"We will get the keys in three weeks. You will love it! It has a lot of natural lighting, two bedrooms, two baths."

"That sounds awesome! Let's celebrate!" Robin waved Wendy over to order some Champaign.

**Robins Apartment later that Night**

They had stayed another two hours celebrating, and imagining the good times to be had at the new apartment. Barney never showed up, nor did he reply to her texts. Robin couldn't care less; Barney could take care of himself, well most of the time anyways. He would show up eventually.

The alcohol helped her fall asleep quickly, but also slowed her reaction when someone climbed into bed with her, removing her blanket.

"Barney? What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Robin asked dozily.

"I had a bad day at work…I need to blow off some steam…just…okay?" Barney asked while pulling her pajama pants down.

"Jesus Barney." She muttered.

"You don't have to do anything… just lay there and try to go back to sleep." He sounded not at all like himself and Robin started to get concerned.

"Go back to sleep? You clearly have never had sex with yourself." She tried to lighten the mood.

"This won't be any good." Barney stated matter of factly.

It wasn't. It was rough and fast.

Afterwards Barney pulled her into his arms and whispered, "I'm sorry".

He didn't let her go which was completely out of character for him. Usually they never cuddled.

"Don't worry about it, okay?" Robin replied and snuggled up to him.

"You wanna talk about it? I know you never talk about work but I promise I won't tell anyone … or judge you."

"It's not about work." Barney whispered while tenderly kissing her shoulder.

"What's it about then?" She asked.

He didn't answer right away and she prompted him once more.

"Us." He said it so quietly that she wasn't even sure she understood him correctly.

"Us?" She asked.

He pulled his head back and finally said, "I got a call from the Bureau of Consular Affairs. They are investigating us."

"What? Why? I mean on what ground?" Robin was completely awake now.

"Visa fraud."

"But you said you took care of it, that no-one would ever question our case?" Robin started to panic.

"I did Robin." Barney replied annoyed. He let it stand by itself before continuing:

"That idiot got used to the money but clearly neither him nor the other couples knew much about concealing it. He has lost his job and is being investigated. They are rolling all his cases back up."

"Barney this is bad. What if they uncover that you paid him off?" Robin asked.

"Relax. They will never find out about that. I am not an amateur, Robin."

"But what about that guy? He could probably reduce his sentence by selling us out, right?"

"Are you even listening Robin? I have bribed people and countries for most of my career. This is bullet proof. They will never uncover the financial transactions and the money is paid out on an installment basis. He only received a lump sum and the first payment so far. There are three more payments outstanding, one every six months. The last one, two years after the wedding date, is the biggest. He lost his job, you don't really think he will pass on this money?"

Robin was stunned. "Wow, you really did know what you were doing."

"I've made it very clear to him that as long as we can file a request to remove the conditional LPR status and it's approved he will get his money. No matter what else happens."

"What's the conditional LPR status?" Robin asked. She knew that Barney had bribed some guy to speed up the paperwork but not that there were complications and approvals pending.

"It's the law that when a US citizen marries a foreigner it has to be based on good faith. So to make sure it's not a sham Congress has written a provision that makes the marriage conditional for two years. To remove that status you have to file a request with the government. To get it approved we would pretty much have to present evidence that we are truly married. Part of the deal was that he would approve it, no questions asked."

"But now someone will ask questions," Robin concluded.

"It's actually worse than that. They went through his cases and started to investigate the most suspicious ones. Ours was an easy pick; we eloped in Vegas, we don't live together, our paperwork went through surprisingly quick and clean… ." Barney stated.

"And today they called to inform you about it?" Robin asked.

"Well, they called to inform me that they had some questions and wanted us to come in. I found out the rest by paying someone to snoop around and read our file."

Robin was stunned. Yes she always figured that Barney had a dubious job but how easily he dealt with this so far made her realize that he was probably making all this money by doing something illegal.

He cuffed her head with his hands, "look Robin, I will take care of this, okay? Thankfully you fake married me and not Ted, he would have crumbled already."

"What happens if we get convicted?" Robin wanted to know.

"I promise you it won't come to that." Barney repeated.

"Yeah but I need to know. What's the worst that could happen Barney?" Robin insisted.

"In the impossible event of us getting convicted they would send you back to Canada, without the possibility of re-entry."

"And you?"

"Worst case? Jail. But as I said Robin, I would never let it come to any of that." Barney kissed her and when she didn't kiss him back he stopped and tried to reassure her once again.

"Baby, trust me. I am the master of the possimpible. I will handle this."


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry to keep you guys waiting so long. More to come this weekend :) **

**Robins Apartment the next Morning**

Barney had already sneaked out when Robin woke up the next morning. He always did that, so it shouldn't have surprised her, yet she had expected him to still be there.

She checked her phone, no new messages. Next she checked the living room, no note either.

She fully comprehended the extent of their problems while taking a shower. There was no evidence of them being a real couple whatsoever; the Bureau of Consular Affairs wouldn't even have to try hard to convict them.

Just thinking about the possible consequences made her sick.

She left the apartment half an hour later, Lily and her had planned to meet up for breakfast. She would have rather stayed in bed all day, but she pulled herself together and didn't cancel.

Lily was already waiting at a nice street café, waving her over. Robin smiled and walked towards her.

"Good morning new home owner" Robin greeted Lily, it didn't sound fake. Good.

"Hey you! You got to try the croissants here, they are really tasty!"

"That sounds good, I am starving!" Robin started to read the menu.

They ordered a minute later.

"Did you hear anything from Barney?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, his plane was delayed, that's why he couldn't make it." Robin lied.

"Plane? Where was he?"

"Guatemala. Anyways, have you thought about what you are going to do about the second bathroom?"

"Hold on. What was Barney doing in Guatemala?" Lily asked.

"Some work thing." Robin shrugged.

"Does he go to Central America often?"

"No clue. "

"What does he do for a living anyways?" Lily asked.

"No idea." And he'll probably have to kill me if I ever found out, Robin thought.

"Guatemala sounds like a dangerous place for someone like Barney to be. I mean he get's beaten up just going to his favorite bar."

"He sounded pretty alive when we talked. So second bathroom, are you still planning on painting the walls grey?" Robin tried to change the subject ones again.

**McLarens the later that night**

"How was your day?" Marshall asked as he sat down next to his wife, greeting her with a kiss.

"We had breakfast, and went shopping. Did you know that you can get tiles in wood optic?" Lily responded.

"No I didn't. I'd say we hold off on all that though." Marshall tried to curb his wife's enthusiasm.

"Sure…we just got samples anyways."

"Hey Robin, shouldn't you be looking for a job?" Marshall asked.

"Oh common, taking one day off to go shopping is not going to hurt." Robin defended herself.

"Sure, one day wouldn't hurt. It's just. It seems like you haven't been looking much at all. Last week you went on two tourist cruises, visited three museums, and took a tour of the New York Stock Exchange."

"I did not." Robin replied.

Marshall didn't back down and so Robin confessed.

"I didn't take a tour of the NYSE." Cause they wouldn't admit her due to her 'criminal' background, but obviously she wasn't going to tell them that.

"My point is: Aren't you taking this too lightly? I mean you are here on a working visa; they will revoke that if you don't find a job within your field. You know that, right?"

"Jesus Marshall, relax." Robin said, getting up to buy another round. She felt her cell vibrate as she was waiting on the beers.

_We need 2 talk. Can u come over?_

Her heart rate immediately accelerated. This didn't sound good at all.

_Sure, I'll be there in 25._

"Actually Carl, can you just bring them to the table?" she asked, the bartender nodded.

"Sorry guys, gotta run." She called out to Marshall and Lily before leaving the bar.

"Wow, you think she left because I mentioned her stagnating job hunt?" Marshall wondered out loud.

"I doubt it." Lily shrugged, "maybe something important came up."

"Something named Barney?" Marshall grinned.

"Probably." Lily replied, with an equally wide grin.

**Barney Apartment **

"Wow, you got here fast," were Barneys first words to her as she entered his apartment.

"I ditched Marshall and Lily at the bar… did you find something out?" She asked.

"Yeah…scotch?" He walked over to his bar.

"Will I need one?" She asked, following him.

"You'll need a whole bottle." The fact that he was still smiling calmed her down a little.

"Then give me the bottle." She replied.

"Nah, I need you sober enough to comprehend everything." He poured her a glass, which gave Robin a moment to really look at him.

He wasn't wearing his suit jacket, his tie was loosened and his sleeves rolled up.

"So bad, huh?" She asked.

"It'll be fine." He replied and handed her the tumbler.

Robin went over to the couch and sat down, expecting Barney to follow her. Instead he walked over to the kitchen island and leaned against it.

"So today after lunch I went by my secretaries office, you know, for some mid-day small talk. Catching up on the latest rumors, the usual."

Robin couldn't help but wonder how often Barney had been the one his secretary had gossiped about.

"And she told me about her cat, Whiskers, he has a weak heart and the doctors can't really help him, it's a sad story actually. See they make these special pills for cats but…"

"Barney, get to the point!" Robin interrupted.

"Right, guess what? She had gotten a call from the Bureau of Consular Affairs, a 'really well spoken' gentleman had asked her questions about me."

Robin gasped.

"What did she say?" She asked while getting her tumbler, she really hoped that the alcohol would help.

"Well she told him what she knew."

"Which is?" Robin asked impatiently.

"That we got married last year, that you are a really lovely and pretty girl… you know the standard stuff a secretary would know."

"How does she know that though? I've never been to your office." Robin was relieved that they seemed to have gotten away – this time.

"I share stories at gossip time too. Plus she's seen your picture on my desk."

"There is a picture of me on your desk?" Robin asked astonished.

Barney looked at her as if she was the dumbest person in the world, "of course."

"Hold on – why?" Robin asked and added, "which picture exactly?"

"Robin, I got married, I had to disclose that to the firm. Once they knew I went ahead and did what every married guy does: Put the hottest picture of his wife on the desk."

"Please don't tell me its one of the pictures we took in bed when we were in Vegas?"

Barney laughed, "those are the hottest!"

"You just lost your taking-pictures-while-I-am-partly-naked privileges."

"Relax, it's the one where we are standing in front of the water fountains in Vegas." Barney said.

"I keep the other ones in my desk – what up?" He smirked.

Robin didn't laugh. "So sounds like we dodged a bullet."

"We did, but you know what this means, right?" Barney asked.

Robin shook her head, "what?"

"They are really digging, and no one close to us knows about our wedding. We got to tell people."

Robin swallowed, she hadn't thought about that yet.

"Oh crab."

"On my site of the family the most crucial ones would be my mom and my brother." Barney explained.

"You don't really think they would track down our friends and families, do you?" Robin asked a little freaked out.

"We can't risk it. Nothing says fake-marriage like your own mother hearing about it for the first time from a government official."

Robin emptied her tumbler and got up to get another glass, mumbling cuss words.

"And we have to tell the gang, Robin." Barney finally said out loud what she had been thinking all along.

"This is a nightmare." She decided.

"No, a nightmare would be if they had called anyone but my company first. We are still one step ahead Robin, we can do it. We just need to think about who needs to know and what we will tell them."

Robin turned her full attention to him, really looked at him. Something about him knowing what to do and still being in control really turned her on.

"I already called my mom and told her that I would come over for lunch tomorrow, bringing someone. I tried to reach James but he didn't pick up, I'll try again later. What about your family?"

Robin shrugged, "I… I don't know Barney."

"Well who would you have told if this was a real marriage?"

"My mom maybe? I don't know, I never tell her anything remotely important though. And Katie…but there is no way they would question a 16 year old, right?"

"What about your dad?" Barney asked.

"I haven't spoken to him in three years." Robin answered.

"Yeah that would be more suspicious if you did tell him." Barney realized.

"What should we tell them though? The truth? Would that be smart?" Robin asked.

"Well, I am planning on telling James the truth. He wouldn't believe anything else anyways, plus he is a pro."

"What about Marshall, Lily and Ted? Ted will freak!"

"I don't want to tell Marshall and Lily the truth. Lily is horrible at keeping secrets and Marshall is a lawyer, he will want to help us out. No offense, but I'd really prefer if we handled this ourselves." Barney explained.

Robin got that. Marshall was a great friend, and that was exactly why he would want to step in and rescue them. Which was great, except that Barneys nerves were a lot stronger when it came to lying and deceiving – and apparently illegal proceedings in general.

"I agree, but they will never buy it."

"Well, they might. I mean they already believe that we have feelings for each other, so maybe…"

"Dude, we are the most commitment phobic people on the face of the planet, and they are our best friends, they won't buy it." Robin argued.

"That's what I thought too, but then I had an idea!" Barney exclaimed excited.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for all the great reviews! They are always a great incentive to keep writing :) **

** Genesis: He brought her a bottle of Zacapa :) **

**New York Cab the next Day**

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Robin asked for the fifth time since getting into the cab.

"Positively." Barney replied.

Robin sat back. She watched Barney for a while but he didn't seem nervous or panicked at all. As a matter of fact, he had been very cool and his normal self ever since he left her apartment the morning after he'd gotten that initial call. Robin was glad that he came by that night. And even more so that she had gotten a rare glimpse of a more vulnerable Barney Stinson.

The cab stopped in front of a nice suburban home and it occurred to her that she would be getting a glimpse of yet another side of Barney.

Barney placed his hand on her lower back as they walked up to the front door. Robin wasn't sure whether she was so nervous because of the mess they had gotten themselves into and the looming consequences; or because she was about to meet Barneys mother.

"Mom?" Barney called out as they entered the home.

"Barney, there you are!" An elderly woman entered the living room through the kitchen door.

"Hey," Barney and his mom hugged briefly.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet Robin." Barney introduced her and Robin extended her hand to Loretta Stinson.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. Stinson. You have a lovely home."

"Well, thank you my dear. Common through, lunch is almost ready." Loretta Stinson walked back into the kitchen, leaving Barney and Robin behind.

Barney stirred her towards a cupboard, picked up one of the photographs and handed it to her, "that's me when I was five… such a dork."

"You were cute." She said a little dreamy.

"Were?" Barney asked, pointing with his hands towards himself to show his body off.

"I didn't think 'cute' was an adjective you liked to be described as these days." She countered.

Barney laughed and turned around to walk though the living room, checking out some mail on a table.

"I should probably check if your mom needs help?" Robin asked.

She had never been very good at "meeting the parents". However, since this was fake anyways, and she wasn't actually Barneys girlfriend, she had figured that she would cruise through the whole thing.

It wasn't that easy after all.

"Yeah she might." Barney answered.

Robin started to walk towards the door, not realizing that Barney had followed her until he put his arm around her as they walked into the kitchen.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Robin asked

Loretta turned around, she was just checking on the casserole in the oven.

"That's nice of you to offer but this just needs a few more minutes and we are good to go."

"Mom, have I told you that Robin and I just got back from Tokyo?" Barney asked.

"Oh my, what were you doing there?" Loretta asked.

"Robin had a work thing there and I went to visit her. We had a lot of fun sightseeing. Remind me to get you copies of the pictures we took. Tokyo is such a thrilling city." Barney explained.

"I bet it is. Sounds like you are finally getting Barney to travel! I've always told him to get out more but he has barely been outside the United States."

Robin couldn't help but look at Barney with a raised eyebrow, clearly his friends weren't the only ones who had no idea what Barney did for a living.

"What do you do for a living?" Loretta asked. Robin needed a second to realize that she had meant her.

"I am a journalist."

"Journalist – thz – don't be modest. Robin is a news anchor mom."

"Really?" Loretta asked.

"Yep. She is awesome at it too." Barney said, looking at her with admiration.

"So how did you two meet?" Loretta asked, then turned to Robin and added; "I am sorry if I am prying, it's just, I haven't met any of Barneys girlfriends since Shannon."

Robin smiled politely and answered, "we met though a mutual friend."

…..

The casserole was delicious and Loretta kept asking questions which Barney and Robin gladly answered.

"Mom, I need to tell you something." Barney finally said after they were done eating.

He waited until he had his moms full attention before continuing, "Robin and I got married in November."

Barney's tone was so honest that it didn't sound fake, at least not to Robin. This was their only real rehearsal before telling the gang tonight and her worries that they wouldn't be able to deliver the news without cracking up themselves slowly vanished.

"What?" Loretta asked.

"Mom I am sorry, I know I should have told you earlier. It's just. We got hitched in Vegas and afterwards I felt terrible about not having you there with me." Barney shrugged.

Robin wondered how much of this he was playing and how much was actually true. After all, his mom wasn't getting younger and Barney was nowhere near settling down. This wedding, even though it was fake, was the closest thing she would have ever gotten to seeing Barney marry someone.

"Don't be silly Barney. I get it, I went to Vegas once and my mom was the furthest thing from my mind, believe me."

Barney smiled and got up to hug his mom, "I am so glad I finally told you."

Robin watched them and thought back to last night, when she had told her own mother about the wedding.

**Barney Apartment the prior Night**

"Hey James, how are you doing?" Robin could easily overhear Barneys phone conversation in the other room.

She scooted to the edge of the bed and got her own cell phone from her jeans.

"No way!" she heard Barney say.

Robin took a deep breath before dialing her mom's number. It rang three time before she picked up.

She started rambling right away, barely giving Robin a chance to say hi. After a few minutes she let her moms voice fade out and listened to Barney in the other room again.

"Well, she's obviously not Teds girlfriend anymore but yeah, that Robin."

"And Katie is seeing a new boy now… I swear he is up to no good!" Her mom caught her attention again.

Well, clearly both of her daughters had a tendency to mingle with men that weren't the rational choice.

"No James, it's not like that!" She heard Barney and wondered what she'd missed.

There was a lull in her moms rambling, which would have been a great opportunity to jump in, but at this point she was more interested in Barneys conversation.

"I know James… yes, I know… all you need to know is that we got married to increase her chances of staying in the country…no….yes, but those are private and confidential...she's not the type of girl that would do that bro…"

"Robin are you even listening?" Her mom caught her attention again.

"Yes, sorry mom." She quickly said, "listen, I actually called because I got something to tell you."

Her mom went on about hoping that she wasn't pregnant, that that was the last thing she needed right now.

Robin spaced out again, listening to Barney instead of her mom.

"Well, just in case someone does call, you got to be ready James…this is her future that's on the line too."

Robin felt her stomach drop.

"Dude, I managed to stay out of prison after that thing in Sierra Leone; this is a joke compared to that."

Wait what? Robin almost dropped her phone.

"Robin?" She heard her moms muffled voice and turned her attention back to the conversation.

"So…sorry mom. Yeah I need to tell you something." This time her mom didn't interrupt her.

"Mom, I … I got married." It was weird to say it out loud to someone close to her. She had said it hundreds of times before; just arranging her name to be changed had been a real hassle. But this was completely different.

"You what?" her mom asked baffled.

"I got married in November, his name is Barney Stinson." Robin replied, biting her lip.

"Why would you do that? Can he support you financially? Oh god, please don't tell me he is old…." Her mom started rambling again.

Robin realized that her family had no idea about her life in New York. Katie had visited her once but her mom had never made the trip. They barely talked on the phone and if they did, it was a one-way conversation. She could have told her mother the greatest love story of all times and she would have bought it, because she just didn't know who her daughter was, let alone who her friends were.

She felt Barney climb back into bed with here and she muted the phone.

"How did it go?" She asked him.

"Fine. We don't have to worry about him." He said and leaned down to kiss her shoulder.

"Was he worried about you?"

Barney lifted his head, "Robin, no one has to ever worry about Barney Stinson."

"Well…" it was enticing to mention Sierra Leone but she didn't want him to know that she had overheard his conversation.

They started kissing, her moms rambling in the background.

"Boy, I think your mom hates the concept of marriage even more than I do." Barney declared after their lips separated.

"Isn't that always the case though? Most people who hate marriage are those who are married. They think it's the greatest thing in the world and are eager to get there but then after a while they start resenting it." Robin speculated.

"Maybe. " Barney replied. "How long is this going to go on?"

"It could be hours." Robin sighed.

"Well, we could make good use of it, have you ever done it while on the phone with your mom?" Barney asked.

"I should get going." Robin said, pushing him off of her.

"Oh common, it would be hot." Barney didn't let down right away.

Robin picked up her cloth and went in the bathroom.

"I know mom." She was fully dressed and ready to go when she came out.

"You didn't take his name, did you?" Her mom asked slightly panicked.

"Actually, I did." She answered, that would keep her going until she was in the cab. She muted the phone again.

"How could you Robin?" Barney mocked her mom.

Robin rolled her eyes, "she hasn't even asked if she can meet you, or why I waited eight months to tell her about the wedding."

"That sucks. You don't have to go you know. You could stay the night if you want?" Barney suggested sincerely.

"It's fine. See you at eleven tomorrow morning? Does that give us enough time to get over there by noon?" She asked.

"Yes. I'll pick you up." Barney replied. There was an awkward moment between them, Robin contemplated if she should go over to him and kiss him goodbye. She didn't, instead she turned around to leave.

"Robin?" Barney asked and she turned around once more, "everything will work out fine."

**New York Cab Present Time**

"Your mom is really sweet." Robin commented.

Barney laughed, "don't let her fool you."

"What do you mean?" Robin asked.

"My mom might seem like a sweet old lady today, but she wasn't always like that. I mean look at us, we weren't just born like this. We turned out this way because our parents screwed us up."

They both sat there for a minute.

"Have you texted Ted?" Barney finally broke the silence.

Robin nodded. "He will come over at 9. That should give us plenty of time to talk to Marshall and Lily first."

"Perfect. I'll meet you at McLarens at six? We should probably knock one or two drinks back before going up there."

**Ted and Marshalls Apartment later that Night**

"Ready?" Barney asked, his hand already wrapped around the doorknob to Marshall and Teds apartment.

Robin nodded.

"They will eat this up." Barney reassured her.

She nodded again and then he opened the door and the fun began.

….

"Hey you guys, what was so important that we couldn't talk about it at the bar?" Marshall greeted them.

"Where is Lily?" Barney asked.

"Doing laundry, she will be right back. Ted's out with Tiffany… should he be here too?" Marshall asked.

"No it's fine, we'll tell him later." Robin replied and headed for the kitchen.

She got herself and Barney a beer out of the fridge.

"You're already here," Lily exclaimed as she shut the door behind her.

"What did you guys want to talk about?" She asked as she put the laundry basket down.

"You might want to sit down for this." Barney suggested. He put his beer down and looked over to Robin.

"Oh oh… I don't like this." Lily said while taking the seat next to Marshall on the couch.

Robin had also put her beer down and walked over to Barney, they looked at each other for a second before Barney wrapped his arm around her waist and turned back to Marshall and Lily.

"We've decided that it's time to stop lying." Robin began.

Barney nodded and picked up, "Robin and I are married."

Both Marshall and Lily expressions changed from excitingly awaiting the secret to bafflement.

Marshall was the first to regain his composure, "you guys are messing with us, right? Cause we kept bugging you about being secretly in love? Good one!"

He nudged Lily who was still looking at Barney and Robin with her mouth open.

"It's not a joke." Barney said and pulled out the wedding ring from his pocket. He tossed it to Marshall.

"Well, that doesn't prove anything." Lily said, neither one of them took a closer look at the ring and read what it said.

Barney fished for Robin's necklace, pulled the ring out from underneath her shirt and the necklace over her head. Robin turned around and got her wallet.

Barney handed Lily the necklace, "Robin has been wearing it all along."

"That's not even a wedding band." Marshall started a last attempt to disregard everything as a joke.

"We aren't kidding guys." Robin handed Lily her license.

Lily and Marshall starred at the evidence for a moment.

"You got married?" Lily finally looked back up.

Barney and Robin nodded.

"Okay, first of all: why weren't we invited? And secondly, when were you going to tell us? I mean if Carl wouldn't have said something we might have never found!" Lily asked.

"Well… Barney and I," Robin paused and looked at Barney, "we fell in love…while I was still dating Ted."

"So you guys ARE having feelings for each other!" Lily exclaimed excited.

"While you were still dating Ted? So you did cheat?" Marshall asked resigned.

"Look, we… nothing happened until after they broke up." Barney quickly defended himself.

"We didn't tell you guys because everything was still so fresh. We didn't want to hurt Ted more than he was already hurting from our break-up." Robin explained.

"Wait… when did you get married?" Marshall asked.

"November 27th… we flew to Las Vegas and eloped." Barney pulled Robin in his arms.

"You and Ted broke up on Thanksgiving! That's what? Two weeks before you got married!" Marshall jumped up, clearly mad at them betraying his friend like this.

"Marshall you got to understand. Robin and I knew that there was something between us, but the Bro Code outlaws hooking up with the ex of a bro." Barney explained.

"Wait! Are you saying you got MARRIED because of a stupid article in the Bro Code?" Lily asked in her kindergarten teacher tone.

Barney and Robin looked at each other, then shrugged.

"Kind of." Robin answered.

"You got to be kidding! I can't believe you two! Marriage is not something you take lightly!" Lily was fuming now.

"Oh I get it." Everyone turned their attention to Marshall.

"Now it all makes sense! You didn't just go from totally denying that you have anything but a casual fling going on to admitting that you are married without a reason."

Barney and Robin exchanged a quick look before focusing on Marshall again.

"You want the marriage to be annulled and you need me to help you do it!"

"Dude, you couldn't be more wrong." Barney smiled.

"So wait… you really are in love?" Lily asked baffled.

They both nodded.

"I know it's crazy but marrying Robin was the best decision of my life!" Barney said.

It sounded a bit too enthusiastic to Robin, but neither Lily nor Marshall seemed to notice.

"Oh wow you guys… I am so happy for you!" Lily came over and hugged them both.

Marshall hesitated. "When are you going to tell Ted?"

"Tonight. He is coming over after his dinner with Tiffany." Robin explained.

"This is going to kill him." Marshall slowly realized.

"That's why we waited to tell you… but we have to tell him at some point." Robin weighed in.

"I can't believe you guys are married! We should go down to the bar and order Champaign!" Lily suggested.

"It's not like we planned falling in love or anything Marshall." Robin tried.

"You got married within 2 weeks of you and Ted breaking up! I can't even imagine how that must feel! When I think back to when Lily left me for San Francisco, that by itself was an ordeal. But hearing that the love of your life got married within two weeks of dumbing you – after dumbing you because she didn't want marriage and kids that is – I can't even wrap my head around how awful that must be."

"What do you want us to do Marshall? Not tell him? What's done is done." Barney replied in an equally aroused tone.

"We will go easy on him." Robin interrupted.

"How? How do you plan on doing that Robin? Ted loves you!" Marshall turned to her.

Robin swallowed hard, this wasn't right. They should just come out with the truth. She looked over to Barney and was reminded on how they had argued about that exact predicament last night.


	14. Chapter 14

**Barney's Apartment the Previous Night**

"Okay… I think you are right. Lily and Marshall will probably buy into this whole being-madly-in-love act. But what about Ted?" Robin had asked after Barney had explained his plan.

"We will tell him the same." Barney looked at her confused.

"We can't do that Barney."

"Why not?"

"You can't be serious. We have to tell him the truth."

"No. If we are lying to Marshall and Lily about this, then we have to lie to Ted too."

"Well, I guess then we will have to tell the truth all around!" Robin had countered.

"That's ridiculous Robin. You got to stop wanting to protect Ted's feelings." Barney had poured himself another scotch.

"Barney, telling him that we got married – head over heels in love – 10 days after our break-up will devastate him! We can't do that."

"Robin, we are having bigger problems than worrying about Ted's emotions."

"I am not going to do it Barney. And I won't allow you to do it either!"

Barney had shook his head at her, "you are still in love with him, aren't you?"

"What?" Robin had asked surprised.

"That's it… you still have feelings for Ted."

"No I don't." Robin replied defensively.

Barney had emptied the scotch.

"Look, we can trust him. He won't mess up, you know that. We will just tell him what really happened." Robin had tried to reason with him.

"No." Barney said, they looked at each other for a couple of seconds before Barney continued, "why do you always put Ted ahead of me?"

"What are you talking about?" Robin had asked.

"First we can't tell him that we are married because it would hurt his feelings, making me the douchebag without morals who slept with his bro's ex-girlfriend, and now that we have no other choice it's Ted's feelings you are most worried about again."

"Barney why is this such a big deal?"

"Because, Ted has been acting all high and mighty ever since he found out about us. Making me the villain…like I drugged you or something to go along. Everyone thinks I am a manipulative jerk…and yes, that's me most of the time, but this time he got it wrong, and… I want him to realize that!"

Barney closed his eyes for a second; Robin was too shocked to answer right away. She hadn't realized that this wasn't about the investigation anymore.

"I did this for you Robin… all I ask is that you do this for me." Barney finally said.

Robin looked at him; she had never seen Barney Stinson this worked up. She realized that she could only spare the feelings of either Barney or Ted.

"O…okay." She said.

It was an awkward moment. They both weren't cut out to deal with emotions, let alone talk about them.

Robin finally plunged forward and kissed him.

**Ted and Marshalls Apartment later that Night**

Thinking back she was reminded how much this meant to Barney. There was no turning back now; they were going to play a happily married couple in front of their friends. Besides, it really was the safest option in regards to the investigation. She swallowed and said,

"I don't love Ted anymore and nothing will change that. I know this sucks, but Barney is the love of my life – my soul mate – and Ted needs to accept that. We can't keep this façade up just to spare his feelings. And…honestly, if he doesn't accept it: I'd rather spend time with my husband than listening to Ted telling me what a sleazebag Barney is."

Everyone starred at Robin after that revelation and suddenly the whole room seemed too quiet.

**Robins Apartment an hour later**

"You want one too?" Barney asked, holding the scotch up.

"No, thanks. Man… this is not going to be easy Barney."

"Relax, just repeat your fake love speech at the end and everything will be fine."

"I don't think that will be helpful." Robin replied.

"Of course it will, Marshall was right, Ted still loves you. He won't want you to be out of his life completely." Barney walked over and stroke a strand of hair behind her ear.

"That was a pretty impressive speech by the way." He said while they were looking into each other's eyes.

"Well, watching you give fake romantic speeches and lie to get into girls pants had to pay off eventually." She replied cool.

Barney grinned. "You learned from the best. Still nicely executed Scherbatsky."

"Thanks. So how do you wanna do this?" She turned away, and started to straighten the apartment up a little.

"What do you mean? We just tell him, like we told Marshall and Lily." Barney replied and dropped down on her couch.

"Maybe it would be best if I talked to Ted alone?" Robin suggested.

"Or if I talked to him alone, you know man to man, you could argue both ways." Barney replied.

The door swung open and Ted walked right into the living room. He halted when she saw Barney sitting on the couch.

"I didn't realize you'd be here."

Barney shrugged.

"Do you want something to drink?" Robin interrupted.

"You got a beer?" Ted asked.

Robin looked back into the living room while getting the beer. Neither Ted nor Barney had moved. She briefly wondered if Ted had thought she'd invited him over for a booty call.

"What's going on?" Ted asked as she handed him the beer. "And look who is back from being tied to some girls bed."

Barney shot Ted a confused look but answered anyways,

"You should have seen her, she might have been only twenty-five but she sure knew how to tie a knot!"

"Barney!" Robin warned him.

Barney winked at her in response.

"And STILL: You sleep with him." Ted shook his head at Robin.

"Barney just made that up Ted."

"Yeah right…" Ted couldn't believe how naïve Robin was when it came to Barney.

"He didn't make it to the bar the other night because he was stuck on an airplane." Robin explained.

"And you believe that?"

Robin and Ted looked into each other's eyes before Robin shot Barney a quick look.

"The reason I asked you to come over is that we need to talk to you." Robin replied, gesturing for him to take a seat.

"Oh Jesus, what now?" Ted asked while plunging into a chair.

"Barney and I weren't completely honest with you before." Robin started.

"I don't want to hear this if it has anything to do with you guys hooking up." Ted interrupted.

"And I really hope that what we are about to tell you won't be the end of our friendship Ted, but we have been lying to spare your feeling for too long." Robin continued without paying attention to Ted's comment.

Ted swallowed hard.

"What are you talking about?" he asked baffled.

"Ted, Robin and I got married. We aren't just hooking up… she is my wife." Barney filled him in.

Ted was still looking at Robin, waiting for her to call Barney out on that joke, as she had done just minutes before.

"We didn't want to tell you at first, but it's time Ted." She finally said.

Ted starred at her in utter disbelieve and shock.

"Wh…what?" He finally groaned.

"We eloped in Las Vegas." Robin said very quietly. She couldn't help but feel guilty about all this.

After all, this mess was her fault!

**New York City 8 Months Prior**

Friday night in New York City – that should be the most promising and prosperous time in the week for a girl in her mid-twenties in the greatest city on earth.

Instead, Robin was feeling down and depressed. The break-up with Ted had a bigger toll on her than she had expected.

It wasn't the break-up itself. It had been inevitable, Ted wanted completely different things in life, they would have made each other miserable sooner or later. And that was even without taking the stuff that had happened between Barney and her lately into account.

No it wasn't the break-up, she wasn't the type of girl who got hung up on an ex-boyfriend.

What was so depressing about the situation was that she suddenly felt like an intruder at McLarens. Sure Marshall, Lily and Barney had become her friends over the past two years too, but they had been Ted's friends first.

It felt wrong to just go down to the bar, sit in that booth, and pretend that nothing had happened. Especially with Ted still hurting as much as he was.

"Screw this," she said to herself and got up. Just because she didn't want to go to McLarens didn't mean she had to stay home tonight.

She would dress up anyways, who knew, maybe she would meet some nice people at the Hoser Hut.

**Robins Apartment Present Time**

"You are MARRIED?" Ted had overcome the initial shock.

Barney and Robin looked at each other, both thinking the same thing: It'd probably be best to let him vent.

But Ted didn't start rambling about how he couldn't believe them. Robin finally broke the silence.

"Yes, Ted. I am sorry."

"You hate marriage!" Ted yelled.

"Both of you hate marriage!" Ted continued while turning to Barney.

"Exactly, Barney and I don't put the same emphasis and meaning into the concept of marriage, that's why it wasn't a big deal to tie the knot in Vegas."

"Why were you in Vegas in the first place?" Ted asked.

"To elope?" Barney asked dumbfounded.

"You FLEW to Vegas with the intention to get married? You didn't just do it in the spur of the moment? While drunk?"

"To be fair there was some alcohol involved." Barney contemplated.

"It was just…" Robin was going to say 'a stupid idea ' but she didn't want to cheapen their wedding like this after learning what this conversation meant to Barney.

"It was just what?" Ted asked.

"The right thing to do." Robin finally answered.

"Oh my god, you are pregnant." Ted jumped out of his chair. "That explains everything!"

"Ted." Robin tried to interrupt him but he was already going on.

"You are usually so careful with birth control Robin! And you Barney, you always have condoms! How could you have been so negligent? A baby Robin? With Barney? What in the world were you thinking?"

"Ted I am not pregnant." Robin finally had a chance to interject.

"You are not?" Ted asked disappointed.

Robin shook her head.

"Then why did you two get married?"

"Because we are in love." Barney said, got up from the couch and walked over to Robin.

"Oh common." Ted laughed nervously.

Barney put his arm around Robins' waist.

"You are not in love! Barney you don't even know what love is. And Robin, you would never ever fall in love, let alone marry someone like Barney."

"Maybe not the Barney you make him out to be, but the real Barney - yes." Robin replied.

She felt Barneys' grip tighten around her waist.

"Ted I am sorry. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would warm up to the idea of getting married, but with Barney..." She shrugged.

"It's rather simple when you meet the right person." Barney finished her sentence.

Ted starred at them for a second before regaining his composure.

"Robin don't you see that he is just playing you?" He almost yelled.

"No one is playing anyone Ted." Robin replied.

"What happened to you? When did you become so delusional? Barney stop this, right now! Tell her the truth!" Ted demanded, closing in on Barney and Robin.

Barney didn't move and Ted continued.

"You want me to do it?" Ted asked.

Barney still didn't do anything, and so Ted continued.

"Robin, I have known Barney for a couple of years now and he would never, in a million years get married! This is just another scheme of his to mess with people's lives. Let me guess, you weren't as easy as he thought so he faked love and proposed marriage to get you? How could you fall for that? You are usually so witty!"

"Ted, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but that's is not what happened."

"He isn't who you think he is Robin. Barney has this book – the Playbook – it has all the scams in it that he already has, or plans on using to pick up girls. It also includes his "list" do you care to know how many girls were on that last time I saw it?"

Robin shot Barney a quick look, she had never heard of the Playbook before. She turned back to Ted,

"Listen Ted, there is nothing you could say that would change the way I see Barney."

Ted just looked at her in awe for a second, before turning his attention back to Barney.

"Tell her Barney!" Ted demanded.

Barney didn't speak right away.

"Tell her the truth Barney!" Ted prompted him again.

"Remind me later to show you the Playbook. I can't believe I have never done that before, I guess I must have forgotten it even existed since I was so happy with you."

Robin glared at Barney. That was the fakest thing she had ever heard anyone say! What was he trying to do? Make Ted angrier than he already was? Was he thinking that this was just a game, and fueling Ted's argument would make it more interesting?

"Barney…focus." She muttered underneath her breath.

"Robin he is just playing you! How can you not see that?" Ted sounded desperate.

"Ted, I am not, okay? Robin and I eloped because we love each other." Barney finally stepped in.

Ted starred at them, mouth wide open.

"I love her Ted, and I urged her to get married right away once she reciprocated those feelings. But that's it Ted. No schemes, plays or games." Barney said, stroking her side now.

"You made out with a chick last week! You have probably slept with at least a dozen girls since your wedding… wait, when DID you get married?" Ted asked.

Barney and Robin exchanged a quick look.

"Last year." Robin said vaguely.

"LAST YEAR?" Ted was screaming now.

"November 27th to be exact." Barney supplemented.

Ted looked at Robin with sorrow eyes.

"That's… we broke up on the 17th." He finally whispered.

"Ted I am…" Robin began but Ted had already turned around.

"Just … I don't even want to hear it. You two disgust me!" He screamed as he was leaving the apartment.

Barney and Robin watched him slam the door. For a second they just stood there, then Barney moved. He removed his arm from around her waist and walked towards the table to get his beer.

"So, strip club?" He asked.

"What?" Robin turned towards him.

"Playing a couple all day is cramping my style. The Lusty Leopard will help me restore some of my awesomeness. You know, de-couple!" Barney explained.

Robin looked at him dumbfounded.

"I guess that's a no." Barney concluded and grabbed his coat.

"Later!" He left her apartment before she could say anything else.

Sometimes she couldn't believe Barney. Yes, playing a couple in love all day had been weird, but she had at least expected him to stay and discuss their next move.

After all, the appointment at the Bureau was merely days away.

Robin went to her kitchen and got herself a large glass of red wine. Again thinking back to that fateful night, wishing she had done things differently.

**New York City 8 Months Prior**

The Hoser Hut was packed that night. She barely made it to the bar before being hit on by a tall, good-looking guy from British Columbia.

He seemed nice enough and she let him buy her a drink. She found out that he was a former hockey player, not major league or anything, but hockey nevertheless. They discussed the latest Canucks scores, and which Jim Horton's Doughnut was currently the best one.

She was really enjoying herself, they talked for an hour or so, drank beers, sang the National Anthem with everyone else and generally just buzzed on Canada.

He had invited her back to his hotel room around midnight, she had agreed.

The conversation topic in the cab was why Canada was better than the United States. It was fun to have someone on her team for ones, and she couldn't wait to baffle Barney with some of his witty backlashes and arguments.

They had gotten to the hotel, both giggling and tipsy. A business partner of his had recognized him in the lobby and invited them to the bar for another drink.

He had agreed, and Robin went along. She got it; he was here on a business trip and had to play along. Plus one more drink could only help.

The hotel bar was much nicer than Robin had expected. Not all the guests were staying at the hotel either, some New Yorkers had mingled with the out-of-towners. It was a nice atmosphere, and so they didn't leave after the initial first drink.

**Robins Apartment Present Time**

Robin pulled her phone out, no new messages. She didn't know what she was expecting.

Ted asking to talk? A live report from the Lusty Leopard?

Robin sighed.

If she had only stayed at home that Friday night in November.

Or if she had only went to McLarens, no matter how awkward it might have been.

Or stayed at the Hoser Hut.

Or dumbed Mr. British Columbia in the cab.

But she hadn't. She had ended up drunk in that hotel bar.

And before dawn her entire life would be turned upside down.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks you guys for the great feedback & comments. This story is getting really long, hadn't really planned on that, but I am glad people are still reading it :) Enjoy! **

**Marshall and Teds Apartment **

Marshall immediately turned the TV off when Ted entered the apartment. He had waited up for him and Lily had disappeared into the bedroom early to give them some space.

"Hey," Marshall said.

"You know, huh?" Ted asked, sitting down next to him.

"Yeah, Barney and Robin were here earlier."

"I am not buying it." Ted said.

"I wasn't convinced either, especially since they claimed that Robin took his last name. That's so not her. Anyways, I called the Las Vegas Country Clerks Office. It's true, they legally wedded on November 27th." Marshall reported.

Ted shook his head.

"I wonder how he coerced her into doing it." He wondered out loud.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but … I think Robin is in love with him."

"Oh common Marshall. Robin didn't just fall in love head over heels and decided to get married within ten days of us splitting up!"

"Yeah…but they were…I guess she might have not told you the whole truth before…you know about the timeline of things." Marshall said sensitively.

"No…she didn't cheat! I asked her and she said that she hadn't."

"Maybe not physically." Marshall countered.

"Barney had nothing to do with our break-up, I asked her that too Marshall." Ted replied.

"All I am saying is; they might have gotten the idea to get married because of the Bro Code, but not even Barney and Robin would get married simply to ease their conscience."

"What are you talking about?" Ted asked confused.

"The Bro Code… didn't they tell you? They told us that they had wanted to hook up, but couldn't because of the Bro Code article. I guess the only exception was to get married."

"That's ridiculous." Ted shook his head.

"And dysfunctional. They should have just admitted their feelings and started dating."

"Oh common, Barney doesn't really love Robin."

"I … I think he does Ted. I thought so even before I knew that they were married. I figured they weren't properly dealing with their feelings and I guess in a way they weren't at the beginning but now… they've been married for eight months! And neither one of them wants out! That's pretty incredible if you think about who we are actually talking about and the way they got hitched."

"Oh please, Barney wouldn't admit his error now! He enjoys this." Ted replied aggravated. "He doesn't care about Robin. Barney never cares about anyone. If he did he wouldn't have hooked up with her, and he certainly would have stopped sleeping around."

"Yeah I don't get that part either. I guess they agreed on an open-marriage or something?" Marshall guessed.

Ted got up and went to the kitchen to get himself a beer.

"I really, really don't get what she sees in him." He said as he came back to the living room.

"Well, I know he doesn't show it often, but he can be a charming gentleman if he wants to." Marshall guessed.

"But to marry him? Robin hates marriage! You should have seen her reaction when she found the engagement ring in her Champaign, and thought that I was proposing."

"To be fair, I think there is a distinction between being married to a hopeless romantic who has already named his future children, and someone like Barney."

"I don't get it, she freaked out on me, but with Barney it's okay? He lies, cheats and manipulates people. Why get married to someone like him?" Ted asked.

"Ted, common. They didn't get married with the intention to get their happily ever after. I don't think they thought about the consequences. I mean, don't tell me that Robin changing her last name to Stinson was thought through. I bet you that they don't have a pre-nup either!"

"Well, at least she would get some of his money out of this." Ted muttered.

"Buddy, I am really sorry to say this, but I don't think they will get a divorce anytime soon. And I don't know what she told you, but Robin won't put up with you pouting and excluding Barney from the group either."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ted asked.

"That…for them it's more important to have a functioning relationship than to hang out at McLarens with us."

Ted took a big sip from his beer; what the hell?

**Robins Apartment**

Even though it was hushed, Robin could hear how her front door was unlocked and opened. It was probably just Barney, but why would he come back? She decided to be precautious and grabbed her gun from under her bed.

She heard some noises from the living room, and then the bedroom door was opened. Robin turned on the light, pointing the gun at the door.

"Dang, Robin…what are you doing?" Barney was clearly taken aback by the gun.

"Put that thing away, Jesus!" He waited till she did

"I wasn't sure it was you," she replied, hiding her gun again.

"Who else would it be? Who else has a key to your apartment?" Barney asked while stripping down to his boxers.

"Nobody."

"Have you learned nothing? I thought you got rid of the guns." Barney asked while climbing into bed with her.

"Well, I obviously didn't." She replied and turned the light back off.

"Can you at least not take them places? I grew up in New York, have mistreated girls and slept with married women and yet, I never needed a gun to protect myself. I get that you are a pretty girl, and that that entails its own set of risks, and after what happened with that guy in the hotel… but, you got to admit: The gun wasn't really helping then either."

"I get it Barney. Just stop lecturing me." Robin replied. There was a short moment of silence before Robin asked;

"What are you doing here?"

"There wasn't much talent at the Lusty Leopard tonight and I figured I'll check in on you before heading home." Barney answered, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Checking in on me? Is that your newest euphemism for sex?"

Barney laughed but it was muffled since he was kissing her shoulder. He stopped and buried his face in her hair instead.

"I've got to admit, it is kind of nice to have a girl that will just sleep with you, you know, without you buying tons of drinks and persuade her first."

"Well I am assuming your hookers didn't need much convincing either." Robin replied.

"I am not really a hooker guy… I mean it's not like I haven't had sex with one before. But what I meant was, I never had a girlfriend that would let me sleep with her before."

"You still don't." Robin reminded him.

"You know what I mean."

"So is that why you came over?" Robin asked.

"No, I really did want to see if you were all right. But now that you are mentioning it…" He laughed his evil laugh, and Robin turned around and pushed him away a little.

"Why shouldn't I be okay?" She whispered.

"Telling Ted…lying to him like this. I know it wasn't easy for you."

"It actually wasn't that bad… especially after I realized that he thought I am behaving like a hallucinating, love crazed sixteen year old."

"He is just trying to look out for you." Barney replied.

"Still. I am kinda glad we didn't tell him the truth." Robin snuggled up to Barney.

They both just lay there for a moment.

"So what's the Playbook?" Robin finally asked.

"It's exactly what Ted said, a book with schemes to pick up girls."

"And you wrote that?" Robin asked.

"The origin of the Playbook is unknown."

Robin laughed, "Are girls allowed to see it?"

"Only bro's."

"Too bad, I would have loved reading some of those legendary plays."

"I said only bro's….not only male bro's. I will show it to you next time we are at my place." Barney wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her even closer.

"What about the number of girls you slept with?" Robin asked, biting her lower lip.

"I'll tell you if you tell me your number." Barney replied.

"Or I can just ask Ted."

"Have fun with that. He will just lecture you on how horrible I am."

"You aren't horrible. You know that, right?" Robin asked.

"Oh god, how did we get here? Can I change my answer to your earlier question? I came here for sex! So wanna do it or what?"

"Barney, fine, you don't have to answer that. I just want you to know that not everything I said today was a lie. There really isn't anything Ted could say to make me change my mind about you."

"You don't mean that." Barney yawned.

"Of course I do." Robin defended herself.

"Ted has witnessed me do some bad stuff to girls. Gosh, I have told him things that would make you want to sit in a shower for the next year… believe me, if Ted really wanted to, he could get you to change your mind about me."

"Nope. I don't care what you did to and with those girls. What you did for me trumps everything. Besides, you treat ME really well, and that's what I base my judgment on."

"What do you mean?" Barney asked.

"I know this sounds weird… but you make me feel really comfortable. I have done things with you that I would have never in a million years have done with any former boyfriend. I don't know why, but I feel safe trying things with you… now that doesn't mean I am naïve enough to believe that you haven't secretly filmed us or anything. But something about your confidence makes me feel at ease."

"Oh Robin, you probably shouldn't have said that." Barney smirked.

"No I probably shouldn't have." Robin agreed.

"So, sex tapes, how many?" She asked.

"Like in total?" Barney asked.

"Of us."

"Just a couple…but I would never show them to anyone, I swear!"

"Where do you keep them?" She yawned, it was getting late and she was getting really tired.

"I am obviously not going to tell you." Barney replied.

"Obviously. Just answer me this then; are there any on your phone?"

She had seen him pass his phone around to Marshall and Ted, showing off his newest home movie more than once.

"No. They are very well hidden."

They both went silent.

"Do you want me to delete them?" Barney finally asked.

"If you'd do that for me?"

"Robin, I got married for you. In comparison this doesn't even qualify as a favor… I will get rid of them tomorrow."

"Either way is fine, I trust you to not do something stupid with them."

For the first time since the wedding they fell asleep in the same bed without having sex.

And the next morning, they woke up together – another first.

**Lily's Kindergarten **

"I don't see how you do it." Robin commented as they walked through the halls of the kindergarten.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"Being with all these kids all day. I would go out of my mind!"

"It's actually not that bad. Plus now that I have the little ones I get off at two!" Lily smiled.

"Okay, THAT is nice. By the way, I was thinking Nordstrom." Robin pushed the doors open and they stepped out onto a busy Manhattan street.

"Sounds good to me. Why do you need a new dress again?" Lily asked.

"I got an interview tomorrow…" Robin waved it off. "Hey, you think we could stop at BCBG first? I love their stuff!"

"Sure." Lily shrugged. "Not that it's really my business or anything but you don't have a job, shouldn't you just be wearing one of your other very nice, expensive dresses instead of buying a new one?"

"Says the shopaholic." Robin countered.

"Fair enough."

"It's fine." She pulled a black credit card out of her pocket and waved it in front of Lily.

"What the hell? Where did you get that? You know what the limit on those things is?" Lily's eyes widened.

Robin smiled, "courtesy of my lovely husband. The dress thing was his idea."

"Wait…is there another husband besides Barney I didn't know about?"

Robin smirked and thought back to that morning.

**Robins Apartment Earlier that Day**

"What are your plans for today?" Barney asked as he buttoned his shirt.

"I don't know. Look for a job I guess." It wasn't that she wasn't eager to start working again, but who knew what would happen with the pending investigation.

"You should go shopping!"

"Shopping?"

"Yeah, you know, buy something nice to wear for tomorrow. It'll boost your confidence for the interview." Barney was now tying his tie.

"Sometimes it's really scary how you just look through people, you know that?" Robin had asked.

"Oh common, every girl is a lot more confident when she wears nice cloth, that's like common knowledge."

"I will think about it." She had replied.

He pulled out his wallet and handed her the credit card, "just sign with Stinson."

"Barney I am not taking it."

"Really? You want to have this discussion again? Robin, my company pays me way to much money, so we can either spend it on expensive stuff and trips or I'll most likely loose it while gambling in Atlantic City or Vegas."

"I don't think your company pays you enough for what you do." She had countered.

"And what is it I am doing?" He asked, coming closer.

"I don't know yet."

"And you never will." He had kissed her quickly before turning around to leave.

**Nordstrom New York City **

"I really like this one," Robin said while looking at herself in the mirror.

"I liked the other one better, but this is probably the wise choice for an interview." Lily countered.

"Yeah… I will try the last one, okay?"

"Sure, don't worry about me." Lily answered and plopped down the nearest chair.

"So, spill it. How is it to be married to Barney Stinson?" Lily asked loud enough for Robin to hear.

"You are married to Barney Stinson?" a voice from another changing room asked.

Lily laughed, "I guess that answers my question."

Robin rolled her eyes and continued changing.

The other girl glared at Lily as she was leaving the dressing rooms and Lily prompted Robin once more,

"Air is clear. So, how is it?"

"It's actually really nice. I mean we aren't the touchiest feeling kind of people, but it still feels good to have someone on your team. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah I do. That one time I got a parking ticket and Marshall…"

Robin zoomed out and thought back to the day after they returned from Vegas. When Barney had accompanied her to the meeting at the courthouse.

**New York City 8 Months Prior Court House**

"Do you got a gun on you?" He had asked her as they walked up the metal detectors.

"Obviously not." She answered nervously.

"Too bad, I guess I will just have to kill him with my bare hands then." Barney muttered before turning to the security guard.

Once they were through security Barney had placed his hand on her lower back and guided her through the halls. She couldn't help but think that he had been here many times before.

"Do you have a plan?" She asked.

"Please…this is going to be a piece of cake."

His words didn't match his facial expression; he was tense and nervous.

She stopped in her tracks and he raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks for coming with me."

"Shit, of course I am going with you. That dick messed with the wrong guys' wife."

Any other time Robin would have laughed about the wife reference. Now she just noticed how he clenched his fists.

"You are not going to do something stupid, right?"

"I got this Robin." He answered while looking down the corridor.

She had wrapped her hands around his forearms, he looked back at her and she could feel his muscles relax.

"That guy is going down Robin…figuratively...and maybe later, in a dark alley, he will literally do it."

**Nordstrom New York City **

"Are you even listening?" Lily peeked through the curtain.

"Yeah sure, sorry. What do you think about this dress?"

"I don't think pink is your color." Lily commented.

"So the second one?" Robin asked.

"I would say so."

"What are the plans for tonight? Have you heard anything from Ted?" Robin asked.

"Not really, I know Marshall stayed up to talk to him last night, but other than that. He might do something with Tiffany… oh you know what! We should have our first double date tonight! Maybe go to that new Indian Restaurant on 42nd?"

"Sure, I mean if Barney has time and is up for it."

**Barneys Office Later that Night**

"Marshall, what are you doing here? And how did you even get in." Barney asked baffled as he got up from his desk.

"I...the security guy is from Minnesota…is the girl in the bathroom?" Marshall pointed towards the secret door.

"What girl?" Barney asked.

"Oh common, don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about. The new girl from accounting."

"Why would she be in my bathroom?" Barney asked dumfounded.

"Cause you hooked up with her… that's why you didn't come to dinner with us, right?"

"Huh?"

"You texted Robin that you couldn't make it because you had to finish the numbers for accounting."

"And you thought it meant; finish the number with the accountant?" Barney smirked.

Marshall nodded.

"Well, I am not. I really did have some accounting things to do."

"I always pictured your job to be more dangerous than that."

"It's not work related. I had some personal finances that needed to be… relocated. Not that that's any of your business. Why are you here?" Barney asked.

"Because I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" Barney asked.

"Robin… and your marriage."

Barney sat back down in his chair and closed the windows on his computer.

"Do you love her?" Marshall asked.

Barney nodded.

"Why haven't you stopped sleeping around then?" Marshall asked.

"Marshall… you know how I always believed that marriage was an equivalent to death?"

"Sure." Marshall shrugged.

"Well, turns out it doesn't have to be. Robin is cool. She doesn't mind if I pick up a bimbo here and there."

"But you said you loved her! And this ought to be bothering her if she loves you too." Marshall countered.

"If?" Barney asked.

"You know what I mean."

"Marshall, Robin and I have been happily married for eight months now! No offense but I think we can swing this without anyone giving us advise."

"Fair enough." Marshall had noticed the picture on Barneys desk and picked it up.

"I am happy that you two are happy." Marshall said while looking at it.

Barney smiled, he just hoped that tomorrow would go well.

**Robins Apartment**

She was nervous about tomorrow, so she smoked.

Barney would handle it; all she had to do was sit there. Just like she had done in that courthouse.

She briefly wondered when she had become so codependent. He was good at this stuff though. She had crumbled quickly when they had arrested and questioned her.

Well, it hadn't helped that she was drunk at the time.

Still, Barney had stunned her in that courthouse four days later.

Thinking back to that Friday she should have just excused herself from the group, gone to the restroom, called Barney and waited for him to come pick her up.

She hadn't though. Back then, she hadn't even thought of him that way.

**New York City 8 Months Prior Hotel**

Mr. British Columbia's business partners were American's and they ended up having a discussion about which Thanksgiving was the real one.

It had gone on for a while; a somewhat headed argument about which country was better.

It was all fun and games until one of the older guys had groped her. Nothing she hadn't had happened to her before, she called him out on it and thought that was the end of it.

"You are feisty," he had laughed while grabbing a hold of her wrist.

"Let go, now!" She demanded.

He just laughed and tightened his grip to a point were it hurt. Panic started to rise in her, but she stayed calm.

"Now!" She repeated.

"Or else?" He asked, coming dangerously close.

"Jack, leave her alone." Mr. British Columbia finally had the guts to step in.

For a second the older guy turned to him, "what do you think Lucy would say if she knew that you were messing around with this young brunette while she is at home with the baby?"

She noticed how Mr. British Columbia swallowed. He had a wife and baby at home? She automatically checked his hands, no wedding band.

This was not how she had planned the night to go.

"I am sorry." Mr. British Columbia whispered when he noticed her shocked expression.

Robin shook her head in disbelief and finally was able to break away.

She made it to the hotel lobby before he had caught up to her, grabbing her arm and turning her around. She slightly struggled, both to get away and to stay on her feet. She shouldn't have drank that much.

"Where do you think you are going?" she barked.

"I am sorry, was I not clear earlier? I don't hook up with fat old guys." She responded.

He laughed out loud.

"Well, we will see about that." He said, dragging her towards the elevators.

Now she really started to struggle and briefly got free.

They both starred at each other for a second, "you better not touch me again or I swear to god I will kill you!"


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry it took so long to update. Finally figured out how to structure the last chapters of the story though, that should speed up the writing process :) **

**Robins Apartment**

"I hoped you'd come by." Robin greeted Barney.

"Sorry that I didn't make it to the dinner," he replied, taking his suit jacket off.

"It's fine. Marshall had to leave early too. Scotch?" He shook his head and came over to her.

"Do you want to see the dress?" She asked while handing him the credit card back.

"Right now I'd prefer seeing you with less cloth rather than more." He smirked and wrapped his hand around her waist, steering her towards the couch.

Robin giggled and kissed him. "I am starting to figure you out Barney." She said between two kisses.

"It took you this long?" He asked, pulling her shirt over her head.

"You are nervous about tomorrow, right? Sex calms you down." She whispered.

"Phew… I am not nervous." He replied.

Yeah right, Robin thought, but his confidence did calm her own nerves quiet a bit.

**McLarens the Next Night**

"Hey, where is Robin?" Lily greeted Barney when she sat down across from him.

"No clue." He muttered, emptying his scotch.

"Uh, oh, trouble in paradise?" Lily grinned.

"Shut up, Lily." Barney replied, he was getting ready to get up and Lily stopped him by getting a hold of his arm.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Nothing." Barney replied.

"So you are getting hammered at … 6:30pm for no reason?"

Barney pulled away and walked to the bar, ordering another scotch.

Lily looked at him for a second before pulling her phone out,

_U coming 2nite? _

It didn't take Robin long to reply.

_No, not 2nite. Have fun u guys!_

_Everything ok with u & Barney? _

Lily watched Barney while she was awaiting Robin's answer, he had started to hit on a girl at the bar.

_Why wouldn't it be?_

_He is in a terrible mood & getting trashed._

_Call me if it get's out of hand & I'll come get him._

Lily wondered what Robin defined as "out of hand": Making out? Picking up a bimbo at the bar? Just generally getting wasted and disoriented?

**Robins Apartment**

Robin put her cell phone down; Lily's text explained where Barney was.

Yes, today had not worked out quiet the way they wanted, and Barney had beaten himself up over not seeing their next move coming. But: It could have been worse.

At least that's what she was trying to make herself believe.

**Bureau of Consular Affairs Earlier that Day**

"You look absolutely stunning," Barney had complemented her while they were walking though the hall.

"Thank you for sponsoring me." She replied. Barney smirked and put his arm around her waist.

"Did you notice the bathroom on the way in? I say we take a detour as soon as we get this over with." Barney whispered into her hear while they were still going the same pace.

"Thank-God-we-made-it-through-an-interrogation-ali ve sex! Can't wait." She had answered.

He grinned, they were approaching the room and could see some agents through the glass.

"Just let me handle it." He whispered while kissing her temple.

Robin couldn't help but grin, they were nailing playing a couple in love!

They entered the room and one of the agents got up to greet them.

"Barney Stinson," Barney shook his hand, "and my wife Robin."

"Nice to meet you." Robin gave him a bright smile while shaking his hand.

"Thanks for coming in. As I said on the phone, we just need to ask some follow up questions." The agent explained.

"We understand." Barney replied very business like.

"John?" The agent turned around and one of the other guys got up and joined them.

"How about you and Mrs. Stinson take Room 101?"

"Sure."

"If you will follow me, Mr. Stinson." The agent pointed towards a door.

Barney and Robin exchanged a quick look.

"I don't understand." Barney said.

"We prefer doing these interviews one on one."

"To try to make us give different answers?" Barney asked amused.

"Well, there have been cases in which the marriage wasn't mutually wanted. We like to give everyone the opportunity to speak freely… having the husband in the room can be hindering."

Robin laughed, yeah right.

"Boy, you clearly don't know my wife." Barney joked.

"I am sorry, is there a problem?" John asked.

"Of course not. We have nothing to hide." Barney responded. He squeezed her briefly before letting go of her, following the agent into the next room.

Robin did the same with the other agent, this was not going as planned. She and Barney had never rehearsed their story.

"Your husband seems like a nice gentleman." The agent commented as he held the door for her.

"Yes, he is. One of the reasons I married him." Robin replied.

"Well, older guys tend to have better manners."

Robin squinted her eyes and he picked up on it.

"I mean nine years is quite the age gap. It's actually a common phenomenon we observe in fraudulent marriages: Young girl, older guy." He explained.

"Excuse me?" She asked, trying her hardest to stay cool, even though she felt sick to her stomach. This was probably just one of their strategies to trip her up. "And not that it is any of your business, but Barney isn't exactly known for acting his age."

"I presume that's true. He's better known for his womanizing, right?" the agent asked, pointing towards a chair.

Robin sat down and asked, "Where would you get that from?"

The agent shrugged and sat down across from her.

"Shall we start?" He asked, putting a green folder on the table.

"Fire away!" She smiled her brightest reporter smile.

"You and Mister Stinson got married in Vegas on November 27th, correct?"

Robin nodded.

"How long in advance did you plan the wedding?" the agent asked.

Now this was tricky, who knew what Barney would answer, but making up a story that later wouldn't match Barneys wasn't going to help.

"Barney surprised me with a proposal and plane tickets that morning." She decided to go with the truth.

"Wow, why the sudden rush?" The agent asked.

"Why would you think it was sudden?" She countered.

He shrugged and Robin explained, "it actually was a very sweet proposal and we've always talked about getting hitched in Vegas, so no rush, he'd planned it in advance."

"He bought the plane tickets at 3:23 am that morning, mere 24 hours after your arrest." The agent countered.

Robin didn't know how to answer right away.

"You got the wrong idea. Barney and I love each other. That's the only reason we got married." She recovered.

"Is it also the only reason you got married that weekend?" he asked.

"As I said. Barney surprised me with the proposal and plane tickets. It was a very romantic get away and exactly the wedding we wanted."

Robin really hoped that Barney was telling the other agent something along the same lines.

"It's weird that his reaction to you being arrested at a hotel – after going there with another man, presumably planning to hook up with him – is to ask you to marry him. Wouldn't putting any thought of marriage on the backburner be the normal reaction?"

Robin swallowed hard, she really just wanted this to be over. She contemplated telling him a long story, about how she had been drunk, how Barney and her had talked about their relationship, and how they had realized that they wanted to be with each other for the rest of their lives. Just like in the ends of those cheesy movies Lily liked to watch.

"We love each other." Was all she answered.

**Robins Apartment**

The buzzing sound of her cellphone drew Robin back to reality.

_McLarens now. _

Lily. She sighed and answered.

_Why? What's going on? _

It was probably something minor; Barney was talking to another girl, maybe already making out with her. Lily would probably interfere, wanting her to come by so that Barney realized what he had. Poor Barney, playing a happily married couple was really cramping his style.

_Hurry!_

What in the world?

_Be there in 15. This better be good, Lily. _

This was not the nice, relaxing evening she had envisioned having.

**McLarens Half an Hour Prior**

"A cop, really?" Barney raised an eyebrow and added smirking, "you know, I have done bad thinks before…you should probably arrest and punish me."

The girl laughed, "only if I get to cuff you."

Barneys expression changed to a wide grin: Hot!

"WHAT are you doing?" Ted busted into their conversation.

"Dude…?" Barney asked, and nodded towards the girl.

"What are you doing?" Ted repeated.

"I am sorry, who are you?" the girl asked.

"He's just a friend. Ted, can I talk to you in private?" Barney asked, pulling on Teds arm to drag him along.

Ted didn't budge, instead he said "I am not letting you do this."

"Do what? Do you have a girlfriend or something?" the girl asked.

"No, look…" Barney started but Ted interrupted him.

"No? Are you serious Barney?"

Barney shook his head, he couldn't believe Ted was doing this.

"You don't care about her at all, do you?" Ted asked him.

"Care about who?" The girl asked.

"His wife, he is married!" Ted's voice was raised.

"Are you kidding me?" The girl asked, already grabbing her purse.

"Look…it's not what it seems," Barney tried, it was pointless.

The girl muttered something and left.

Barney emptied his scotch.

"You are a douchebag Barney! You married the greatest girl in the world and all you do is chase after dull one-night-stands?" Ted asked angrily.

"Robin doesn't mind." Barney replied, ordering another scotch.

"Of course she does! Believe it or not, when you love someone, and I mean, really love someone, then it always hurts seeing them with somebody else."

"Ted trust me, Robin is fine with this." Barney repeated.

"You an ignorant idiot Barney!"

"Ted, we both know that this isn't really about Robin. You are pissed that I got the girl and you didn't."

"Is this what it's about? Was marrying Robin just some sick win for you?" Ted asked frantically.

"YOU are pissed because she choose me over you, well I got news for you: Get over it, cause Robin and I are happily married, and you've had your chance." Now Barney was getting louder as well.

"She wasn't in her right mind when she agreed to this, and you know that!"

"Why, cause I am such a horrible person? Cause no one could love Barney Stinson? Is that what you are implying Ted?"

"Look at yourself, you are picking up trash in a bar instead of spending quality time with your wife."

"Here we go." Barney rolled his eyes.

"I would have never betrayed her like that! I would have never cheated on her, I would have always tried to make her happy, god dammit Barney: I loved her! And to you she's just another hookup. Probably some wicked Play out of your Playbook!"

"Has it ever occurred to you that Robin didn't want all this? That she could be genuinely happy with me?" Barney asked.

"With a cheating scumbag? I doubt it." Ted replied.

"She didn't mind last night… " Barney grinned devilish.

"You heartless son of a…"

"She didn't mind back in _October_!" Barney continued unimpressed.

"What?" Ted asked.

"Your relationship doesn't seem so perfect now, does it Ted?"

"Stop that. Robin would have never cheated on me, this is just another one of your sick games!" Ted tried to convince himself.

"Oh really? Well, I guess it wasn't my hand under her skirt all those nights at McLarens then."

Ted swallowed hard.

"She really liked it too." Barney added.

That was enough; Ted saw red and charged for Barney.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the reviews :) As for the end of the story, I don't want to drag it out forever, and instead end it while it's still interesting. Having said that, I do get sidetracked a lot while writing, so it's probably going to be prolonged by a few more unplanned chapters.**

**Also, have you voted for Barney and Robin? brackets/TV+Couples+March+Madness+2013**

**New York Cab**

Robin played with the wedding ring on her finger as the driver navigated through the busy New York traffic.

Playing with the ring had become a nervous habit since she wore it openly.

**Bureau of Consular Affairs Earlier that Day**

She twisted the ring on her finger, trying to get a grip on her emotions. This was not the time to panic, she had to stay focused and keep a clear head.

"We find it odd that you and your husband aren't living together." The agent continued the questioning.

Another good one, Robin thought to herself.

"We are both very independent and haven't decided on our future living arrangement yet."

"Usually couples figure these things out before they get married." The agent countered.

"Well, we aren't your usual couple, that doesn't mean we aren't in love, or have done something criminal." Robin regained her composure.

The agent smiled, "sure, any one of these aspects isn't necessarily implying anything, but putting them all together, and we have a very strong case."

Robin wondered whether or not they should have gotten a lawyer instead of trying to handle this themselves.

There was some commotion outside the door and seconds later it swung open and Barney and the other agent entered.

"We are done here." Barney said, walking over to her, and putting his hand on her shoulder.

"You don't get to decide that, Mr. Stinson." The agent who had interrogated Robin replied.

"I just did." Barney responded coldly.

Robin got up and Barney placed his hand on her back, leading her out of the room.

"You will hear from us." The agent that had questioned Barney yelled.

"Without a doubt." Barney muttered.

Robin looked at him, trying to read his facial expression. How bad did his interview go? How close were they to being convicted? And most importantly; was he still confident that he would get them out of this? She couldn't tell.

**McLarens Present Time**

Robin walked directly up to the booth were Lily and Ted were sitting across from each other.

"So what's going on Lily?" Robin asked as she approached them.

She noticed Ted's bleeding nose and added, "what happened to you?"

"I cannot believe you would do that!" Ted yelled at her.

Robin raised an eyebrow; did Lily call her over here because Ted was throwing another fit about her and Barney?

Ted got out of the booth, "you cheated on me! Are you kidding me, Robin?"

"What?...No….I…." Robin was caught off guard. Where did this come from all of a sudden?

"How could you do that? With Barney?" Ted was still yelling at her, closing in one more step.

"Hey, back off!" Barney appeared next to her, shoving Ted backwards.

Robin hadn't even noticed him before.

"Barney what the hell? Do you think I would hit Robin?" Ted asked aroused.

"I am certainly not going to give you the opportunity." Barney replied.

Robin looked at him, noticed his swollen cheek, and put one and one together.

"Did you two fight?" she asked surprised.

"He attacked me." Barney quickly defended himself.

"Oh shut up Barney." Lily interrupted.

Barney grinned at Ted, provoking him to leap forward ones more.

Marshall stepped in quickly pulling them apart before anything happened.

"Sit down!" He barked at Ted, who did what he was told.

"And you come with me." He pulled Barney towards the corner booth.

Robin raised her eyebrows, looked at Ted for a second and finally followed Barney and Marshall.

"Okay, what happened?" she asked as she scooted in the seat besides Barney.

"Just a little brawl." Barney replied lazily, finishing his scotch.

"I figured as much. But what were you fighting about?" Robin asked, fishing an ice cube out of Barneys empty tumbler and gently pressing it against his cheek.

Barney winced but didn't answer.

Marshall who was sitting across from them looked over to Ted, who was watching them while downing his beer.

"Marshall? Do you know what they were fighting about?" Robin asked, still paying solely attention to Barney.

"You, I think, but Lily and I weren't there when they started." Marshall replied.

He stopped watching Ted and turned to Robin instead. The ice cube was melting quickly and Robin got another one out of the tumbler. He noticed the engagement ring on her finger.

"What happened Barney?" she asked again, this time more softly.

"Ted, on his high horse, started bullshiting about our relationship again." Barney finally said.

"He just can't accept that we are happy." He added.

Robin wiped her hands with a napkin and asked, "so he attacked you?"

"Well… I might have also been flirting with a chick." Barney reluctantly added.

"That's it?" Robin asked annoyed, but noticed the confused look on Marshalls face and added, "oh, you did? I thought we've talked about that"

Barney rolled his eyes.

"It's fine." Robin finally said, and leaned in, she kissed his cheek and whispered, "I will talk to Ted and then we'll get out of here, okay?"

Before she could go Barney wrapped his hand around her waist and pulled her close.

"Hurry up," he said and kissed her. He tasted like scotch and she wondered how drunk he really was.

Robin broke the kiss after a few seconds, and glanced over at Ted who was still watching them.

"Stop deliberately pissing him off Barney." She replied and got up for good.

She sat next to Lily who greeted her with, "you were right, those boots do look great with the dress."

Robin grinned, "thank you."

She motioned Carl to bring her a drink, and finally turned her attention towards Ted who had angrily eyed her the whole time.

"How is your nose?" She asked.

"You cheated with him?" Ted replied.

"Ted, I don't know where you got the notion…"

"Are you kidding me?" Ted interrupted her mid-sentence.

Carl brought the drink over, "could you bring Barney a beer, Carl? I think he had enough scotch for tonight." Robin asked. Carl nodded and walked back towards the bar.

"Ted, listen. You know I care about you, but Barney and I are married, you got to accept that." Robin said quietly.

"Bullshit, Robin. First of all, I only went over there because he was about to hook up with some chick, and I didn't want you to get hurt. Which clearly makes me the only one who is concerned about that."

"Ted, I don't mind him talking to girls." Robin responded.

"Secondly and more importantly, he told me about your affair! You said you didn't cheat Robin! How could you do this to me?"

Robin swallowed hard.

"What?" she asked.

"He told me about your escapades!"

Robin looked Ted in the eyes, felt Lily's eyes on her too and slowly answered,

"I… we didn't start having sex until Vegas." She knew it was a weak excuse, especially if Barney went into details.

"I trusted you Robin, how could you betray me like this?" Ted asked.

"What exactly happened?" Lily asked curious.

"Apparently Barney and Robin _really_ enjoyed our nights at McLarens back then." Ted answered.

Lily's eyes widened, "you can't be serious!"

"We were dating for almost a year and you cheated on me with Barney – BARNEY – at our favorite bar?" Ted got louder again.

"It was just hands stuff." Robin admitted quietly.

"In this booth? While we were all here?" Lily asked shocked.

"You are wicked. Both of you! Maybe I really should stop caring, because clearly you are perfect for each other."

"It just happened a few times…" Robin tried, "I am sorry Ted."

"A little too late now." Ted responded.

"How did that happen?" Lily was still astonished by the revelation.

"Oh common, don't pretend Barney has never tried it on you." Robin countered.

"Wow…hold on missy. I played footsies with him once by accident, but that was it. I would slap him if he'd ever tried something like that, and afterwards, Marshall would probably take him out in the alley."

"So Barney initiated it and you didn't call him out on it? You just let it happen?" Ted asked.

"Ted, I am sorry, okay? I shouldn't have done that while we were still dating. But what Barney and I have… it's overwhelming and mesmerizing…"

"Do you even listen to yourself?" Ted asked.

Robin rolled her eyes; here we go again. She started playing with the ring on her finger.

"What happened to you? A year ago, you would have NEVER said something like that, about no one. You hated commitment and all the strings attached to it. And you found Barney's lifestyle rather repulsive."

"I didn't really know him back then." Robin replied.

"Oh, and you got to know him during those nights at McLarens?" Ted asked.

Robin emptied her drink; she really wanted to get out of here. This day seemed determined to top her 'worst day ever list'.

"You only see him as the jerk who married your ex girlfriend, but that's not who he really is, Ted."

"Are we talking about the same person Robin? Cause the Barney I know is constantly taking advantage of vulnerable girls by getting them drunk or high. He does demeaning things to them! Leaves them to fend for themselves as soon as he gets bored! For gods sake Robin, nine women have filed sexual harassment charges against him!"

"Ted, stop it." Robin warned him.

"Why? Cause reality might actually hit home?" Ted provoked her.

"No. Because I won't let you continue to try to manipulate our marriage. You can either be on board, or we can't hang out anymore."

Ted starred at her, "you are joking, right?"

"Not even a little. I don't care what Barney did to these women. I love him. You can either accept that, or not. Your call."

She got out of the booth.

"You are going to regret this Robin. He will hurt you! Don't you see that this is just a sick game to him?"

She heard Ted say as she was walking away. She briefly closed her eyes, what a mess.

"Let's go." She called over to Barney. He nodded and got out of the booth.

"Night." Barney told Marshall as he put his arm around her.

"Good night." Marshall responded.

Robin nodded in his direction and walked with Barney to the bar to pay. She noticed that Barneys cheek was still red.

"He got you pretty good, didn't he?" she asked as they were waiting on the change.

"Phew...he punches like a girl." Barney replied.

They started to walk out of the bar, Barney still having his arm around her. She noticed how his hand slid downwards and slapped it off.

"Stop aggravating Ted!" she hissed.

**McLarens Present Time**

"Why would Robin get married to someone like him?" Ted asked.

Marshall had come back to their booth as soon as Barney and Robin got up, and all three of them had watched them leave the bar.

"Seriously, somebody tell me please. Cause I don't see it all." Ted was shaking his head in disbelief.

"The long or the short version?" Lily asked.

"Short." Marshall replied.

"Long," was Ted's response.

"Short answer: Love. Long answer: Ted you only see what Barney wants you to see. Neither one of us really knows anything about their relationship. I think that Barney has a soft side that he only let's Robin see."

"Hypothetical speaking, even if that is true; he was still picking up another girl earlier."

"Maybe he was just messing with you, bro." Marshall answered.

"Yeah right." Ted shook his head, "I can't believe she cheated!"

"What?" Marshall asked.

"Apparently, they had some under-the-table-fun while Robin and I still dated." Ted said frustrated.

"Okay, I know this sucks, and I am in no way saying that what they did is okay – but, our group is falling apart and I really hate it!" Lily said.

"What do you want me to do, Lily?" Ted asked.

"Yeah Lily? They cheated!" Marshall took Ted's side.

"All I am saying is, we are going to loose both of them if you keep acting like this. Cheating yes or no, you went over to the bar and started that fight Ted." Lily pointed out.

"I was trying to prevent him from hurting Robin." Ted defended himself. "Besides, he provoked me!"

"I am sure you weren't completely innocent either. You heard Robin, she will choose Barney over hanging out with us, is that really what you want?" Lily wondered out loud.

"She will calm down. Nothing is going to change because Barney will never change." Ted replied.

"Robin doesn't want him to change sweetie."

"They'll be back. Robin is friends with you two too, she will come around. And McLarens has been Barneys hunting ground for years, he won't be able to stay away either." Ted tried to play the whole thing down.

"I don't know you guys…" Marshall finally interrupted. "Barney said some things…"

And he started to tell them about the conversation he had with Barney while they were talking to Robin.

**McLarens Corner Booth Earlier**

"How is your cheek?" Marshall asked.

"It's fine. Lucky shot… I got him pretty good though." Barney rubbed his cheek and glanced over to the other table.

"You two are lucky that Carl didn't give you the boot." Marshall commented.

"Oh please, we are his best customers." Barney replied.

"What was that whole thing about anyways?"

"Ted's cocky attitude."

"And…?"

"That's it. He always acts like Robin is his… well I got news for him, she's not. And you know why? Because she's mine!"

It made Marshall laugh.

"You two seem very happy." He commented.

Barney shrugged.

"Lily said Robin was beaming about you during their shopping trip the other day."

"She did?" Barney asked suddenly interested.

"Yeah. So who cares what Ted things? He needs a little time, but he will get over this."

"It's not that easy. Robin still cares about him, she doesn't want him to get hurt."

"She cares a lot more about you though."

Barney smiled, he really wished that that was true.

Carl came by and brought him a beer, "Robin said you might want one."

"Thanks man." Barney replied.

"Listen Barney, you can't keep pulling stuff like this at the bar. This is the second fight this month." Carl told him.

"I am the one who got attacked – both times!" Barney defended himself.

"No more fights Barney, understood?"

Barney nodded and grabbed the beer.

"And I am the villain again…" he muttered, and then a little louder, "I am really starting to hate New York."

"Just because Carl threatened to kick you out?" Marshall asked.

"No, because this is where Ted is, and he won't stop before he breaks Robin and me up. Who knows what he is telling her as we speak." He glanced over at the other booth again.

"Robin won't fall for it." Marshall tried to calm him down.

They both were silent for a few seconds before Barney said, "Robin and I are thinking about moving to Vancouver."

"What? Why? You hate Canada!" Marshall gasped in surprise.

Why? Cause they were probably going to be convicted of a felony and had to leave the country sooner rather than later to avoid being sentenced. Of course he didn't say that, instead he answered:

"Canada isn't so bad. Robin misses it. It would mean a lot to her, I think we could be happy there."


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for reviewing guys! Love reading your feedback and reactions! **

**Starting to wrap up some loose ends in this chapter - enjoy :) **

**McLarens Present Time**

"He said that?" Ted asked in utter disbelieve.

Marshall nodded.

"Wow." Was Lily's initial response before adding, "and you still don't believe that he loves her?"

Ted waved her off, "he really said they are thinking about moving to Vancouver?"

"Yep. Sounded serious too."

Ted sat back and drank a swallow of his beer; all of this just didn't make any sense.

**Barney's Apartment**

"Are you mad?" Barney finally asked. They hadn't talked much in the cab ride over and were now standing in his living room.

"Are you?"

"Should I?" Barney wondered.

"I don't know, you told Ted the truth about when we started to be more than friends, I'd assume he pissed you off pretty bad."

Barney walked over to his bar and poured himself another scotch.

"Don't you think you had enough for tonight?" Robin asked.

"Please…besides, you start to sound like a real wife." Barney waved her off.

Robin came over to him and poured herself a glass.

"It's weird, isn't it? I mean this whole pretending to be in love thing?" she asked.

"Especially in front of Ted." Barney said afflicted.

"What do you mean?" Robin asked.

"I know you hate lying to him like this."

Robin put her tumbler down and walked around the bar. She placed her hand on his arm.

"I don't know what he told you that started this fight, but I am not for a second regretting knocking on your door that night."

Barney tilted his head, "yeah, but you did that because I am a master scamster."

"I did that because I trusted you. Barney it doesn't matter what Ted thinks about this, not to me anyways."

They looked at each other for a second, "I am sorry I told him the truth." Barney finally said.

"And I am sorry for getting you into so much trouble." Robin replied.

Barney pulled her into his arms, kissed her hair and said, "it's alright."

Robin closed her eyes for a second before Barney pulled away.

"I am gonna hop in the shower, okay?" Barney gave her a quick peck and left her standing.

Robin watched him leave, she wondered what would have happened if she hadn't been arrested that night. Would they have still hooked up eventually? Would Ted's and Barney's friendship been salvaged? Or would they have just went back to their normal routine: Five friends hanging out at their favorite bar?

Weird how little decisions, turns of fate, could change the course of an entire life. For her, the moment that had changed everything was definitively the night at the hotel.

**New York City 8 Months Prior Hotel**

"Is there a problem here?" The front desk had called the cops, and two large guys appeared next to her.

Robin was really relieved to see them.

Mr. British Columbia's business partner spoke before she could, "yes there is Sir."

Robin squinted.

"This lady just threatened to kill me, and I have ample reason to believe that she is planning a terroristic attack."

"What?" Robin had asked dumfounded.

The cops directed their attention towards her.

"Is that true?" the younger one asked.

"Of course not." Robin had snapped.

"I was trying to contain her after overhearing her make Anti-American statements all night." The businessman grinned.

Robin started laughing hysterically, something she would later blame on her high blood alcohol level.

"We have a conference room available, could you maybe take this issue there?" The hotel manager had approached them.

"Of course." The cop complied and grabbed Robins elbow.

"Let me go!" She barked, as she broke free.

"Hey, easy!" The cop warned her.

"Or what? I didn't do anything wrong, this douchebag was trying to rape me." Robin screamed at him.

The hotel manager looked around nervously, clearly not wanting this kind of commotion at his facility.

"That's a lie!" The businessman said enraged.

"Let's just calm down!" The other cop was reaching for her arm and Robin slapped it away.

The cop spun her around quickly; she struggled, got briefly free once more, and was finally handcuffed.

Sure, in retrospect throwing a fit was not the smartest move, but at that moment she hadn't realized the severity of the situation.

"Calm down." He was panting from their brief struggle.

"Let me go!" She replied in the same tone.

"Is this gun registered?" She had lost her purse during the scramble and the second cop had picked it up, discovering the small revolver.

"Shit…see, she really meant that she would kill me!" The businessman exclaimed.

"It's fully loaded too," the cop discovered.

Robin slowly realized how serious this situation had gotten.

"I'd say we continue this at the station." The cop who had cuffed her suggested.

Robin figured fighting and arguing wouldn't do any good and let him lead her out of the hotel, and into the squad car. She watched them talk to the businessman, and really wished that she hadn't drunk as much as she did.

She mumbled every curse word she knew off for a minute, before starting to think somewhat straight again.

The gun wasn't registered. She had bought it off some guy a few weeks ago. Which by itself hadn't been a smart move, but it was the exact model she had always wanted, and she figured she could get it registered later.

She hadn't. And now she really wondered what the cops would discover once they entered the serial number into their database.

….

They got to the station and placed her in one of the interrogation rooms. The older cop joined her a few minutes later. He informed her that she was officially under arrest and read her her rights.

They went through the usual routine; recording of her personal data, fingerprinting, mug shoots, and a breathalyzer test. Turned out she had a blood alcohol level of 0.16.

They finally got to the interview.

"Ms. Scherbatsky, can you please explain what happened tonight?" The cop asked.

"I was out at a bar, the Hoser Hut, and met a nice guy. He took me back to the hotel, and we ended up in the hotel bar, talking to colleagues of his. Eventually things got out of hand, I tried to leave, but this guy…"

"Mr. Smith? The one we found you arguing with?"

"Yes, Mr. Smith wouldn't let me go, he tried to get me in the elevator and I was fighting him off." Robin answered.

"And that's when you threatened to kill him?"

"It's not like I would have acted on it." Robin replied.

"You did have a loaded gun though."

"Yes, for emergencies."

"So you admit that you would have used it." The cop asked.

Robin rolled her eyes. "Before he raped me, yes. But I would have just used it to scare him."

"Speaking of the gun, where did you get it?"

"I purchased it." Robin replied.

"Where and when?"

Robin briefly wondered if it would be smarter to ask for a lawyer.

"At a gun show two months ago."

"Which one?"

Grab. "Okay I bought it off someone down at the Wharf." She confessed.

"According to our records you have two other guns, so you are familiar with the registration process. Why didn't you want this gun to be registered?"

"No particular reason. I just haven't done it yet. Look, I understand that carrying a unregistered weapon isn't something taken lightly, but I haven't done anything wrong. Why isn't Mr. Smith down here?" She got mad.

"_Judge_ Smith has stated that he was only trying to restrain you until the cops got there. Apparently you had quiet a hostile opinion about the United States."

Judge? Of course. And she thought the night couldn't get any worse.

"I was joking. I am from Canada, we make jokes about the US. Just as you make jokes about the Great White North, that doesn't mean I am a terrorist."

"Apparently Judge Smith begged to differ."

"You know what? Tell Judge Smith that he will be the cover story on Metro News 1 on Monday!" Robin threatened.

"I doubt it will come to that." The cop replied, sounding bored by this conversation.

"Why is that?" Robin asked cocky.

"Because having an arrest and criminal charges is a serious violation to your visa status."

"What?" Robin hadn't even thought about that yet.

"This will probably cause you to be deported." The cop clarified, which had shut her up.

**Barneys Apartment **

Barney started to reminiscent about the day as the warm water was pouring over his face.

He would have really liked to eavesdrop on Robins and Ted's conversation earlier. Had she told him off? Had she defended him? Or had she secretly sided with Ted, blaming everything that had happened while they were still dating on him?

He would probably never know. And it didn't really matter either; Robin had every right to try and salvage her friendship with Ted.

He grabbed the shampoo. Besides, he had much bigger problems to worry about. Like how to get out of the mess with the bureau of counsel affairs. Todays interview had been interesting.

**Bureau of Consular Affairs Earlier that Day**

"Your wife is hot." The agent had grinned at him, and Barney had to fight the urge to wipe that grin off his face.

"You had some questions?" he asked very businesslike.

"Yes, how about you take a seat." The agent pointed to a chair. Barney slowly complied.

"I am sure you have already heard that a colleague of mine has been accepting bribes, and thus applications of couples that would have raised a red-flag went through without further questioning."

"Sounds like your problem, not mine." Barney responded.

The agent smirked, "except that you bribed him too."

Barney laughed at the agents attempt to make him nervous.

"And where would you get that from?" Barney asked.

The agent didn't respond quick enough, and so Barney continued.

"That's what I thought. How about you stick to the evidence you actually have?"

The agent narrowed his eyes; it took him a moment to formulate his next question.

"You eloped in Las Vegas, that must have been romantic?"

"It actually was. Thanks for asking." Barney smiled.

"Why Vegas?"

"Why not?"

"Well, quiet frankly, my impression is that you would have preferred a huge white wedding, or maybe an intimate ceremony on a Hawaiian Beach at sunset. Not a midmorning cheesy, cheap chapel on the strip."

Barney didn't respond, instead he fixed his cufflink.

"My theory is that you choose Vegas because you were in a rush."

Barney still didn't say anything.

"Mrs. Scherbatsky's _situation_ didn't leave much time to plan a big wedding, did it?"

"Excuse me, but are we playing some "guess what" game here or do you actually have legit questions?" Barney leaned forward.

The agent snorted, and opened the folder in front of him.

"Your wife was arrested Saturday morning, I am assuming you are aware of the details of that arrest?"

"You mean how our law enforcement failed entirely, and arrested an innocent girl instead of a pervert? Yeah I know."

"I was taking about her intentions when going to that hotel." The agent replied.

"Why are my wife's intentions important to this interview?"

"Because they strongly imply that the wedding was a result of the arrest and pending charges."

"The only thing that you should be concerned about is whether or not this marriage is based on love, isn't it?" Barney asked.

"Whether or not it's fraudulent, but go on."

"I will save you the time and effort. We love each other, that's why we got married. End of story. Now you can try to prove the opposite, but how would you do that?" Barney challenged him.

"The circumstances of this wedding are more than suspicious." The agent countered.

Barney didn't even pay attention, instead he went on: "You don't have any _real_ evidence. An arrest that coincidentally happened a few days prior to our wedding is not going to hold up, just like it didn't hold up back in November during the hearing. Las Vegas is the wedding capital – nothing criminal about that either. So unless you present some _actual _evidence, I'd say we are done here."

"Well, there are other things: The fact that you are best known as a serial womanizer; that you and Mrs. Scherbatsky are still not living together, that the plane tickets were purchased merely hours before take-off."

"Hold on. I'm pretty sure that you aren't allowed to access my personal finances without a search warrant."

"The airline was nice enough to comply." The agent smirked.

"Bullshit, you were trying to uncover evidence for the bribing incident. That's how you came across the airline charges." Barney got up.

"Where do you think you are going?" the agent asked as Barney walked over to the door.

"We are done here. Accessing my personal finances without a warrant is unconstitutional. Let's wait and see how _that_ holds up in court." Barney grinned one last time and left the room.


	19. Chapter 19

**Barney's Apartment Present Time**

Robin was sitting on his bed when he came out of the bathroom.

"Do you have a normal t-shirt I can change into?" she asked.

"Are you staying?" He wondered.

"Unless you don't want me too." Robin paused unzipping her boots and looked up at him.

"I didn't mean it that way." Barney said and got a t-shirt out of the bottom drawer of his dresser.

"I'll take a quick shower, and maybe then you can finally show me this infamous Playbook?" Robin caught the shirt he tossed her and disappeared into the bathroom.

…

She slipped under the covers; Barney was already waiting with a thick, brown book by his side.

"I know it's against your rules but I'd really appreciate if you would get a second towel. I had to use yours and while I usually don't really mind it; it kind of sucks when its already wet." Robin said as she snuggled into the sheets.

"Fine, I'll get you your own." Barney gave in. "Now are you ready to see the Playbook?"

"Yes."

"This is a book that has been passed down for generations, the author, as I said, is unknown. No girl has ever seen it, so you have to vow not to alert other chicks about its existence and the magical plays found inside." Barney clarified.

Robin giggled, "I swear I will never tell anyone about it."

Robin sat up, and Barney placed the Playbook on her lap.

She opened it up and found a different play, a picture and instructions on each side.

"Funny how even though the book has been around for generations, you are in all the photos." She teased him.

"That's not me, that's Barnable Stonson." Barney countered.

Robin laughed, "you haven't actually gotten laid off these, have you?"

"Some yes, some not yet." Barney responded, he flipped the pages to one entitled, "The Don't Drink That".

"It works." He winked at her.

Robin read the description, "I believe it." She flipped the page to another one called "The Royal Archduke of Grand Fenwick".

"That's elaborate…and won't work." Robin said after reading the description.

Barney waggled his head, "it requires the right setting, but it could work."

"'The My Penis Grants Wishes'? You gotta be kidding!" Robin shook her head.

"That's nothing, look at the "Mrs. Stinsfire." Barney flipped through the pages and showed it to her.

"Is there a version for women too?" Robin finally asked.

"Chicks don't need a Playbook to get laid. They have boobs." Barney responded.

Robin grinned, "so there is the 'Bro Code' and 'The Playbook', any other thick, leather bounded books I should know about?"

"Nope, that's it."

"Really? No 'Book of Sexual Positions' you've done it in, or something similar?" Robin asked.

"Not yet but that is a great idea!" Barney exclaimed. Robin laughed, it felt so good to just be silly and forget about the turbulent day they had.

She thumbed through the book, searching for a loose page.

"We could start on that tonight, let me charge my camera." Barney said excitingly.

Robin barely paid attention, she was going through the book once more, slower this time.

"Where is it?" she finally asked.

"Where is what?"

"The list. Ted said you kept the list of girls you've slept with in the Playbook." Robin looked up.

Barney shrugged, "I took it out while you were in the shower."

Robin contemplated giving him a hard time about it, but she had to admit that him hiding it was kind of cute. At least assuming he did it to spare her feelings.

"There is one play missing." Robin finally said while closing the book.

"Yeah? Which one is that?" Barney asked.

"'The Knight in Shining Armor.'"

"How would that one go?"

"Step 1: One of your female friends runs into trouble with the law. Step 2: She confesses her stupidity to you. Step 3: You propose a fake marriage to her in order to hinder her being deported. Step 4: You buy her a beautiful diamond ring. Step 5: You marry her. Step 6: You knock the wind out of her when prompted to kiss your new wife for the first time…and it is on!" Robin explained.

"That's not something I'd put in the Playbook."

"Why not?" Robin asked.

"Cause it's not a play." Barney said while taking the book back.

Robin watched him while scooting back down, laying flat on her back again.

"It would make a good one though."

"Getting married to get into a girls pants? That's a bit excessive, even for me." Barney replied.

"Well if you consider the effort you put into some of these to get laid once, getting married and thus laid countless times, might not be the most excessive one after all." Robin thought out loud.

Barney smiled, "true, but you are the only girl who is even worth sleeping with more than once."

He leaned down and kissed her gently.

"We should talk about what happened today." Robin said when their lips parted.

"Yeah." Barney laid back down too.

"I think it could have been worse." Robin started.

"I can't believe I didn't see the whole separate interviews thing coming. We could have nailed that!" Barney said aggravated.

"What do you think are they going to do next?" Robin asked.

"Really start digging." Barney muttered.

"Okay…worse case; what could they find? The financial transactions are off limits or not traceable; we already told everyone that we got married…"

"You changed your name on every legal document… I can't think of anything else." Barney rubbed his eyes with his palm.

"Let's just hope no one screws up…I mean if they really do start asking our friends and family." Robin turned towards him.

"It'll be fine." Barney reassured her and pulled her into his arms.

**Barney's Office the Next Day**

"Mrs. Stinson, right?" The secretary asked as Robin approached her desk.

"Yes." Robin wasn't up for small talk.

"You are probably here to see your husband?"

No, my secret lover works here… Robin thought annoyed. "Yes, is he in?"

"Yes, but he has visitors right now. You can wait out here if you want, I am more than happy to get you a coffee from our kitchen?"

"That's nice of you, but I really need to talk to him right now." Robin replied.

"I am afraid that's not possible."

Robin tried to figure out where she was coming from; was there really an important meeting going on? Had Barney another woman in there?

"How long will this meeting go?" She asked.

"I am not sure, it was ad-hoc."

She didn't want to look like a lunatic, but she really needed to confront Barney right now. She glanced down the corridor and awaited the moment till the secretary turned around to grab a file from a shelf behind her before she started walking.

The receptionist had told her the room number of Barney's office and she quickly screened each doorplate as she walked by.

She had seen the two men sitting in front of Barneys desk through the glass, but decided to enter anyways.

"I am sorry to interrupt," Robin started.

Barney looked up in surprise at the sound of her voice. His eyes widened and she got the feeling that he didn't want her to say another word.

She swallowed and slowly continued, "how long will this meeting go?"

"Robin!" The shocked look at disappeared from his face and Barney got up, "little early to pick me up for lunch, isn't it?"

One of the guys turned around, and she recognized him, it was the agent that had interrogated her. She quickly glanced at the second man, and realized who he was too. What were those agents doing in Barneys office?

"Well, I was hoping for brunch." She stuttered.

The secretary appeared behind her, "Mrs. Stinson! I am sorry Barney, I told her she had to wait."

"It's fine." Barney said and walked around to her, "my wife should never have to wait to see me."

There was a lull in the conversation, before Barney said.

"Gentlemen? My secretary will get the files you are requesting for you, I don't have to be here for that, right?"

Barney wrapped his arm around Robin's waist and pulled her close. He turned to his secretary and said;

"I will be back this afternoon." Barney lead Robin out of the room.

They didn't talk until they had the elevator for themselves.

"What are you doing here?" Barney asked.

"What are they doing here?" Robin countered.

"You shouldn't have come down, Robin. You know I don't want my personal life and work to mix." His arm was still around her waist, and he gave her a stern look.

"Were you going to tell me about their visit Barney? How often have they talked to you without me knowing? What else are you not telling me?" Robin started to get angry and pushed him out of her personal space.

"First things first, what happened? Why did you come down?"

**Robins Apartment Earlier that Day**

"There you are!" Lily got up from sitting on the steps to Robins apartment.

"What are you doing here?" Robin asked surprised.

"I brought coffee…it's probably cold by now. I thought we could use some early morning girls time." Lily picked up the cups and followed Robin up the stairs.

"You should have texted me, I would have come home sooner."

"Well, I kind of figured you were just on a run or something." Lily replied. "I should have texted you though, you are right. I guess you spend the night at Barneys?"

Robin nodded. One part of her wanted to deny it, or make it out to be less than it was, but the rational part of her fought that urge, they had to stick to their play of happily married.

"When are you guys going to move in together? I mean all that going back and forth got to be annoying." Lily asked as they walked up the stairs to Robin's apartment.

"We haven't decided yet. The two apartments aren't a big deal though." They had stepped into her apartment and Lily went over to the couch, lounging on it.

"Riiiiight." She said.

Robin hung her keys up and raised an eyebrow at Lily.

"What?" she asked.

"Oh common, Barney told Marshall." Lily grinned.

"About…?" Robin asked, letting herself fall on the couch besides Lily.

"That you guys are thinking about moving." Lily started.

Robin looked at her puzzled, had Barney maybe mentioned something to Marshall about moving in together to make their story more believable?

"I hate that you guys are even contemplating it, I mean Ted will calm down eventually…and I will really miss you! And New Yorks bimbos are going to miss Barney…" Lily grinned before adding, "sorry…seriously though, it's really sweet of Barney to do this to make you happy."

Robin was still trying to figure out what her best friend was referring to.

"He must really love you Robin."

"Okay, what are you talking about?" Robin burst out.

"The move…that's why you aren't really looking for a job either, right?" Lily asked.

"Move to where?"

"Vancouver…you know about that, right? Barney told Marshall that you guys were thinking about re-locating."

Robin was speechless. Barney had said that? That would mean that he didn't believe in them walking away scotch free from the investigation! Was he already planning their getaway? Vancouver?

She felt sick. This was bad. This meant that Barney had been lying to her. And Vancouver? She didn't want to live in Vancouver! She loved New York. They would never be able to come back.

"Sweetie are you okay? You look pale." Lily asked.

"Yes.. I…", don't panic, not yet anyways, not in front of Lily. Robin told herself over and over in her head.

"He hadn't talked to you about it." Lily stated matter of factly.

Robin shook her head, no, he certainly had not!

"I am sorry, I didn't know… I thought…" Lily didn't know what to say.

"It's okay…it's just…I…" Robin didn't know what to say.

The two of them just sat there for a minute, without saying another word.

Robin finally cleared her throat, "any news from the apartment?"

First it looked like Lily was going to reject to the topic change, but then she started talking about organizing the move.


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry to keep everyone waiting, I moved this week and didn't have time :-/ I'll try to update again tomorrow :) **

**New York City Present Day**

They were just stepping onto the busy streets as Robin finished telling Barney about the conversation she'd had with Lily.

"What the hell Barney?" she asked.

"I thought you'd like Vancouver, I mean you used to live there." Barney replied and tugged her up the street.

"This isn't about Vancouver, you lied to me!" She stopped in her tracks and Barney did the same.

"No I didn't." They looked at each other for a few seconds before Barney continued,

"Let's not talk about this here, okay?"

Robin looked over her shoulder and started walking again.

"What kind of documents were they looking for? And why did you comply?" Robin asked.

"They had a warrant." Barney muttered before pulling her into the Lobby of a Hilton.

"WHAT?" Robin asked surprised.

Barney shrugged and left her standing while he went to the front desk.

It took Robin a few seconds to catch back up. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Getting us a room." Barney replied slightly annoyed.

"Why?" Robin asked.

"Cause."

The girl from the front desk asked a few questions concerning the payment method and Robin turned around. She watched the people in the busy hotel lobby until Barney grabbed her elbow and pulled her towards the elevators with him.

**Ted and Marshall's Apartment Later that Day**

"Still, you tricked us" Barney complained.

"Get over it." Lily replied, folding a moving carton.

Robin, who was leaning against the kitchen doorframe gave Barney a smile and shrugged.

Lily had called them earlier, proposing a double date at a new bar downtown. Barney and her had agreed, because that's what a married couple would do. Plus they figured it wouldn't matter whether they drank a few drinks at McLarens or at this other bar. Only problem was, instead of a double date, it would be a triple date and neither Barney nor Ted were eager to spend the evening together.

"You could just leave." Ted suggested, he was sitting on the couch, waiting for Tiffany to arrive.

"No one leaves." Lily interrupted. "Ted you said you wanted Tiffany to meet your friends."

"Yeah, my friends!" Ted replied.

"Robin can you give me a hand?" Lily asked, she was trying to reach some knickknacks from the top shelf.

Robin looked around for Marshall but he was still getting ready in the other room.

"Why do you start packing now? You aren't actually moving for another month or so." Robin reluctantly came over, she really didn't want to get her top dirty.

"It's good to get a head start." Lily replied, "plus, those came from Marshalls Mom, I have been waiting for years for an excuse to put them away."

Robin smiled and reached up and knocked the first one off the shelf. It fell to the ground and burst in thousand pieces, "oops, sorry." Robin grinned and winked at her best friend.

Barney laughed out loud behind her and Ted mumbled, "that's not nice."

"Oh no, Robin! Marshalls mom got us that!" Lily exclaimed, barely able to contain herself from laughing.

"What happened?" Marshall's head poked out of the bedroom.

"I dropped some of the knickknacks, I am sorry Marshall." Robin apologized.

Marshall shrugged and disappeared again.

Robin reached up again, handing Lily the piece of pottery.

"Wow, what happened to you?" Ted's yelped in surprise, jumping off the couch.

Everyone turned towards him, eyeing him with a questioning look.

Ted came over to Robin and pulled her top up, "hey," Robin protested.

"Are those bruises?" Ted asked in shock. The beginnings of a hand-sized bruise was clearly visible just above her jeans.

Lily came around to take a look too, "stop that." Robin slapped Ted's hand away.

It took Ted a second to piece everything together, "did you do that?" He asked Barney point-blank.

Barney, who had been playing on his phone, seemed just as astonished as everyone else.

"DID YOU DO THAT?" Ted asked seething with rage.

"Ted, it's not a big deal." Robin tried to intervene.

"Not a big deal? He hurt you!" Ted spun around and faced her.

"No he didn't." Robin replied. She wasn't even lying; all she had felt was pressure, her body was totally overreacting.

"Then what happened?" Ted asked again.

"We sometimes like it rough. You should see the scratch marks on Barneys back." Robin winked at Ted, hoping to salvage the situation.

"Are you kidding me?" Ted asked, he turned back towards Barney and walked towards him.

"What the hell Barney? Bruising her? What's wrong with you?" Ted asked.

"You heard her, we like it rough." Barney muttered.

"I like it rough sometimes too but I have never left a mark on a girl." Ted was screaming now.

"Clearly you haven't done it right." Barney replied.

Jesus, Barney was really asking for another beating, Robin thought as she walked over to them.

"Lily, has Marshall ever bruised you during sex?" Ted asked.

"Not purposely, no." Lily replied. There were a number of occasions where they had accidentally fallen of something.

"Ted, seriously, it's fine." Robin tried once more.

"No it's not. He treats you like shit and I won't stand for it anymore."

"I don't need you to protect me, Ted. Let it go!"

Ted opened his mouth to say something but in that moment there was a knock on the door and Tiffany entered the apartment.

"Hi, you must be Tiffany!" Lily greeted the girl.

"I am Lily." They shook hands.

"I am sorry," Ted walked over to Tiffany and placed his hand around her waist. "Lily is the kindergarten teacher I told you about."

Tiffany nodded.

"And this is Barney Stinson, New Yorks biggest sociopath." Barney gave her a quick nod.

"And Robin Scherbatsky…" Ted pointed towards Robin.

"Stinson… Robin Stinson, I am married to the sociopath." Robin smiled and reached her hand out as well.

"Shall we?" Lily asked, walking towards the bedroom to see what was keeping Marshall so long.

**New York City Cab **

Lily, Marshall, Tiffany and Ted were in the cab in front of them, while Barney and Robin had opted for a separate cab.

"They probably think we are going to bail," Robin guessed as the cab pulled off.

"I am sorry." Barney said, looking at her earnestly.

"I know you didn't mean to do that Barney." She replied softly.

"It's still not okay." He said, taking her hand into his.

Robin smiled, their finger intertwined, "you are stronger than you let on. How often do you work out?"

"I mean it Robin, I am sorry. I need you to know that."

Robin nodded and leaned in to kiss him, "I do know that. Don't worry about it."

Barney looked out the window, clearly still preoccupied with what just happened.

"BTW, you were right, Ted doesn't do 'rough' right." Robin tried to cheer him up.

It worked; Barney chuckled.

"Clearly I need to learn a thing or two myself." He said, his tone already melancholic again.

"No, you are perfect." Robin whispered and kissed his neck. "And I would know, after all I am you wife."

Barney smiled and looked at her, "yeah, you are."

A few minutes later the cab stopped in front of the bar, "ready to play an obnoxious married couple?" Robin asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Barney replied matter of factly.

**New York City Bar**

The bar was not only new, but had already become a hot spot. It was very crowded and they only got a table because Barney bribed some college students into giving theirs up.

"That's a handy trick," Tiffany admired.

"We could have just waited." Ted replied.

"Yeah Ted, till next month when the next big thing is opening up." Barney countered and turned to Robin, "Scotch, sweetie?"

"Actually, I will take a Pina Colada." Robin replied, Barney nodded and walked off.

Ted's jaw had dropped when Barney had called her 'sweetie', he couldn't resist and commented, "how have you not begged Marshall to get you the best divorce attorney in New York City yet?"

Robin rolled her eyes and explained to Tiffany, "I am usually not the nickname kind." She nodded and looked from Ted to Robin, clearly not getting why this was such a big deal.

Marshall and Lily, who had disappeared soon as they had entered the bar – Robin assumed that Lily had filled Marshall in on what had happened at the apartment – joined them.

"Wow, this IS crowded…and loud." Lily commented.

"Maybe we should just get one or two drinks and head over to the jazz lounge next door." Robin suggested.

The others nodded.

"So Tiffany, what do you do for a living?" Marshall asked.

Robin didn't even try to hear her answer over the loud music, instead she watched the crowd around her. What a crazy day this had been, her bad gut feeling reminded her of the day at the courthouse, eight months prior.

**New York City Court House 8 Months Prior**

Barney entered the room first, but she was close behind him. Sitting on a large, round table were a few guys, she only recognized one of them: Mr. Smith.

"Gentlemen." Barney greeted everyone and pulled her a chair out.

"Thanks," she replied, nodding towards the men.

She could feel Mr. Smith's eyes on her and looked straight at him, neither one of them backed down until Barney spoke.

"I am assuming we are here because you'd like to inform us that all charges were dropped and offer an apology?"

Mr. Smith chuckled, "far from it."

Barney shot him a quick look before turning towards the two other men.

"Thoughts?"

The guy next to Mr. Smith cleared his throat. "Mr. Stinson, your wife engaged in behavior that leads us to believe that she may be connected to a terroristic group."

Robin rolled her eyes.

"As far as I am concerned we don't even have to discuss these ridiculous accusations. How about we stick to the things that could actually hold up in court." Barney supplied.

"Like the unregistered gun?" the second guy asked.

"Sure." Barney smiled self-assured.

"How did you produce such a high class, snobby husband this quickly?" Mr. Smith interrupted.

Robin didn't answer, instead Barney spoke up, "Mr. Smith, do you really want to take this to the personal level? Cause if you do I'd have some hand-tight arguments."

Mr. Smith took his eyes from Robin and looked at Barney instead. "She never mentioned a husband last Friday and she came to the bar with another man, about to hook up with him."

Barney grinned, "so?"

"Let's get back to the unregistered firearm." One of the other guys interrupted.

Barney nodded, "sure. My _wife_ had the gun on her."

"The unregistered gun. I probably don't need to tell you that the sentence to possession of an unregistered firearm can be as long as 10 years imprisonment.." Mr. Smith grinned devilish.

"Ten years only applies if she is convicted in the district court, this one," Barney motioned with his hands around himself, "is local. 2 years max. I did the research."

Mr. Smith grinned, "quiet the smart-ass you married. Tell me Mr. Stinson, is she good in bed? Good enough to marry her just so she can stay in the country? This is what that was all about, right?" He chuckled. "You'd be already back in Canada if he hadn't made you a US citizen, you know that right? Well, Mr. Stinson, she must be worth it…you better make her show her appreciation."

Robin noticed how Barney clenched his fists, but when he spoke, nothing in his voice let on that he was anything but calm; "I make you a deal."

The two other men looked at him curiously.

"You either drop all charges against my wife, or I will take you down. Starting with you, Mr. Smith, sexually harassment charges are always an open invitation for all kinds of girls to come forward."

"I am not falling for your mind games." Mr. Smith replied.

Barney grinned, "yeah, a few girls coming forward might not shake your confidence, but you are a public figure, sooner or later someone will push you to step down, trust me."

"Should I be scared?" Mr. Smith leaned forward.

"Depends." Barney grinned, "if you _ever _want to go back to your normal life or not. Let's make one thing clear, I will have someone on you 24/7, there will be sex tapes, negative publicity and many, many girls who can't wait to add another nail to your coffin. And that's just for starters."

Mr. Smith seemed a little uneasy and Robin couldn't help but grin.

"I have powers too, your life wouldn't go back to normal either. Especially when your wife is in prison." Mr. Smith managed to say.

"People much more powerful than you have tried to intimidate me, trust me, this will only end badly for you…and don't even for a second think that I'd let my wife spend a single day in prison. Turns out, I am really good at avoiding jail time too." He winked at them and Robin couldn't take her eyes off Barney.

"There was an official arrest, that won't just go away." One of the other men interrupted.

"Fine, leave the arrest on her record, but that's it. No other consequences." Barney said halfheartedly.

"No." Mr. Smith opposed once more.

"Fine, your loss." Barney said, pulling his cell phone out and started typing.

"What are you doing?" Mr. Smith asked , slightly uneasy.

Barney looked up, grinning, "just texting some friends. Your home address was 1923 E. 43nd Street, right? My _friend _Tanya is eager to tell your wife about the amazing affair you two had for…say the past three years?"

Robin could see the color disappearing from Mr. Smiths face. "You wouldn't."

"Oh this?" Barney held his phone up, "that's just to pass some time. A little taste of what's to come."

Barney hit send and the swhoosh sound filled the silence.

"You are bluffing." Mr. Smith tried.

"Are you going to risk your happiness and ultimately your life on that assumption?" Barney asked.

They looked into each others' eyes for a second before Mr. Smith angrily punched the table with his fist.

"Dammit! Fine. No charges! Now tell this friend of yours to stay where she is."

Barney grinned and got up, reaching for Robins hand in the process. "You two heard him. I will call Tanya from the cab, but be assured, I'll keep her on speed dial until these charges have disappeared."

Mr. Smith was fuming but nodded. Barney wrapped his hand around Robins waist and lead her out of the room.

Robin waited until they were a few dozen feet down the corridor, "you were amazing."

Barney grinned, "told you, piece of cake. Speaking of which, check your phone."

Robin reached into her purse and got her phone out, one new message from Barney.

_I am thinking Cheesecake Factory 4 dinner – u?_

It had made her laugh hysterically, she felt all the pressure form the past days falling off her and all she really wanted was to be back at that Las Vegas hotel room with Barney.

**New York City Bar**

Robin was brought back to reality when Barney bumped into her as he placed her cocktail in front of her.

"Thanks," she leaned over and kissed him, nesting her head between his neck and his shoulder.

Just thinking back to that courthouse encounter and how Barney had handled things made her horny.

Barney wrapped his arm around her waist; he clearly enjoyed her being so affectionate right in front of Ted.

"Newlywed's?" Tiffany asked delighted.

Robin straightened herself up, taking a sip from her drink. "I don't know, how does one define Newlyweds? A month after the wedding? A year?"

"I'd say a year." Lily shrugged.

"In that case, yes. We got married last November." Robin looked at Barney, beaming.

"They got hitched in Vegas," Ted stated.

Robin rolled her eyes, "not everyone wants a big, white wedding Ted."

"So? As long as you guys are happy together, who cares how you get married." Tiffany said.

"Thank you!" Barney shouted out. "I am really starting to like your new girl, Teddyboy! Besides, Robin did wear white, just saying."

"Oh right, I wouldn't know because none of your friends were there to celebrate with you." Ted countered.

"Robin! Restroom?" Lily interrupted.

Robin shrugged, gave Barney another peek on the cheek and followed her best friend to the ladies room.

…

"Spill it!" Lily demanded as soon as they were inside the restroom.

"What?" Robin asked, honestly not knowing what her friend was referring to.

"The bruise, what happened? I know you think it's okay because it happened during sex but…"

"Oh geez Lilly," Robin replied, turning towards the mirror to check her hair and make-up.

"Role play?" Lily asked.

"Nope." Robin answered.

"Did he pin you down while you were struggling?" Lily kept guessing and Robin turned around.

"Seriously, what is wrong with you?" Robin asked.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Lily replied.

"It's none of your business."

"Yes it is. Tell me what happened Robin."

Robin sighed annoyed and thought back to earlier today.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for reviewing :) Always love to read your feedback and whether or not the story works. **

**Hilton Hotel Room New York City Earlier that Day**

"When were you planning on telling me about Vancouver?" Robin asked as the door shut behind them.

The hotel room was rather nice and she placed her purse on a chair before turning back towards him. He just stood there, watching her.

"And why are those agents at your office? With a freaking warrant! Were you going to tell me about that?" Robin was fuming now.

"Relax." Barney said calmly.

"Don't "relax" me! I thought we were a team! I trusted you to handle this Barney! And now? Vancouver? Warrants? Are you kidding me?"

Barney quickly walked over, placed his hands on her hips and pushed her gently against the wall behind her.

"Stop panicking Robin." He demanded.

Robin swallowed; his swift moves combined with his hands on her hips and his close proximity made her weak and partly forget her anger.

"Stop deluding yourself Barney, you are not in control anymore! And stop trying to convince me you are!" she replied, almost whispering now.

Barney tightened his grip on her hips, and pushed her completely against the wall behind her.

"And we are so not having sex right now" she added weakly.

He wiggled his eyebrows, for the first time this move really aggravated her.

"Say something." She demanded.

"We are so gonna do it in this room cause hotel…" He smiled.

And all of a sudden Robin realized something.

"You are panicking just as much as I am, that's why you are even contemplating moving to Vancouver."

His facial expression was calm and controlled. And if it wouldn't have been for the pressure he applied on her hips, pushing her into the wall behind her forcefully, she would have never guessed that this conversation had an impact on his emotional state at all.

Barney cleared his throat, "Vancouver is just a kind of insurance; in case we do need to escape prosecution and something does go wrong."

"How thought through is our getaway to Vancouver?" Robin asked.

Barney shrugged, "It's bullet proof Robin. Most of my money is already in a hidden Canadian account, we would just have to drive across the border and could start a completely new life."

The thought of leaving everything behind made Robin sick, she loved New York and her life here.

"But it's just an insurance, you hope you'll never need it but if you do, you are glad its there." Barney tried to reassure her, weakening the grip on her hips.

"What about you? You hate Canada! What about your job?" Robin asked.

Barney clearly didn't want to answer, instead he leaned forward and kissed her. She let him get away without answering her question for now and joined in.

**New York City Bar Present Time **

The sex had been raw and rough and exactly what they had needed to calm their nerves.

It made Robin smile, luckily they did talk about things afterwards, otherwise they could have easily been awarded the most dysfunctional and delusional people of the year.

"He just hugged me too tight." Robin finally said.

"What?" Lily asked dumbfounded.

"We were arguing and he was trying to calm me down by hugging me." Robin turned back to the mirror and pulled her lipstick out.

"You are kidding, right?" Lily asked surprised.

"No, that's what really happened Lily. Happy?"

"Well…no. What were you arguing about? And Barney…our Barney, was trying to calm you down by hugging you?"

Robin looked at Lily for a second, she always forgot that their friends didn't know Barney the way she did. They didn't know who he really was and what he was capable of.

Then again, neither did she. Yes, him handling all her legal issues for her was hot, but it also raised the question how he got so good at this. Maybe it was better if she'd never find out.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay? Barney and I aren't like you guys, we don't need our friends to analyze our relationship for us."

"Oh sweetie, you can't stop us from doing that even if you'd tried." Lily grinned.

"Yeah, but don't tell us what you come up with." Robin countered.

She applied her lipstick and looked through the mirror at Lily, who was tucking some straight hairs behind her ear.

"Seriously Lily… Barney and I might be horrible at communication and relationship stuff, but we have figured 'us' out. We are happily married and no offense, but I doubt that would have happened if you guys had been involved from the get go."

Lily seemed a little offended by it but then she smiled, "yeah you are probably right. Ted would have done everything to stop you from falling in love with Barney."

Robin nodded, that wasn't exactly what she meant, but she wasn't about to argue with Lily.

They went back to the rest of the group, a discussion about Star Wars was in full swing. Robin noticed the shared looks Marshall and Lily exchanged and guessed that they had one of their telepathic conversations about the bruise.

Robin neither cared that much about Star Wars, nor did she want to think too hard about what her friends thought about Barney and her.

She looked at Barney, who noticed it and turned his head. They smiled at each other briefly, and Robin thought back to the conversation they'd had at the hotel earlier today.

**Hilton Hotel Room New York City Earlier that Day**

"What happened Barney?" Robin whispered afterwards.

"What do you mean?" Barney asked using the same volume.

"We lost control."

"You just got to say Flugelhorn when I go too far and I'll stop right away." Barney replied, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear.

"That's not what I meant." Robin couldn't help but smile.

"No, I mean, what happened to us? Everything was so simple before Tokyo. Yes we were married, but nothing else changed. We had completely separate lives. Sure we hooked up every now and then, but it was casual and fun. Look at us now, we are being investigated and are facing serious consequences for our actions; nights at McLarens have turned into a mess of arguments and fights; and we…we are…I don't know what we are anymore, Barney."

"We are bros." He helped out.

"Yes, but look at this mess we got ourselves into! Our families believe, _really_ believe, that we are married! Your mom thinks I am the love of your live! She might have started knitting baby cloths for all we know. One day you will have to break the news of a divorce to her, Barney."

"Relax…we aren't convicted yet, and we won't divorce anytime soon either."

"What if we really do have to move? You visit your mom all the time, she needs you here, not in Vancouver or in jail. We've created a huge web of lies and will bring our loves ones down with us." Robin starred at the ceiling, well, at least his loved ones, her family couldn't care less.

"Baby…"

"Have you ever really thought about all those consequences, Barney?" Robin interrupted him.

"Honestly? No. Why worry about all that stuff now? What will be, will be, no reason to stress about it." Barney replied.

Robin sighed, if it would have only been this simple.

"Do you regret marrying me?" Robin whispered.

"Not even for a second Robin." He replied and she smiled.

"I have caused you a LOT of trouble over the past months though…" she continued.

"So? Isn't that what marriage is? Trouble?" He joked.

"I wish things would have went smoother… I mean everything went great before Tokyo and now…" she shrugged.

"I actually think that things are better now." Barney replied honestly.

"How? We are being investigated, we are duping our friends and family, and we might have to relocate to Canada."

"Yeah, but…" Barney thought about it for a second, "I don't know…maybe I just don't care that much whether or not we are being investigated and are lying to our friends."

"What about moving to Canada?" Robin asked.

"And we are back where we started." Barney commented. "I'd be okay with that. Plus, we don't have to stay in Vancouver, we could live wherever we wanted, we could even live like nomads, moving from one place to another as soon as we get tired of it."

"We wouldn't have to do it together either." Robin thought out loud.

"Uhm… no obviously not, we could just split the money." Barney answered, starring out of the window behind Robin.

"I didn't mean… just in case you start feeling hemmed in by me…" Robin clarified.

Barney nodded, "we'd be okay," he kissed her and after their lips parted Robin asked,

"for better or for worse, huh?"

**Jazz Bar Present Time**

A little while later they all decided to go over to the Jazz Bar. Barney pulled Robin onto the dance floor while the rest of the group headed towards an empty table.

The started swaying to the music, and Robin caught the others looking at them.

"Boy we are really nailing playing a couple in love today," Robin whispered into Barneys ear.

"If you disregard the whole bruising incident - sure." He replied.

Robin grinned and kissed his neck, "Tiffany is totally buying it."

They had turned around and now Barney had a clear look at the group of friends. Ted shot him an angry look.

"Ted's furious right now." Barney observed and pulled Robin closer to his body.

Robin grinned; she didn't care whether or not Barney was deliberately trying to piss Ted off, not today anyways.

"What other super couply things could we do?" she asked.

"I can think of one thing."

"Besides sex….we already did nicknames, now intimate dancing…we could tell some super cheesy and romantic stories? How about that?"

"Or…or…." They started making out and didn't stop until the music muted and everyone else had already left the dance floor.

Robin returned to the table while Barney went to the bathroom.

"Wow, Barney hasn't hit on anyone else in…" Ted checked his watch, "three hours! This got to be a new record."

Robin noticed Tiffany's confused look, and explained, "Barney is kind of a womanizer."

"Kind of?" Marshall asked, "he is the biggest womanizer since Giacomo Casanova…au!" Lily had kicked him under the table.

Robin shook her head, "also true."

"Seriously Robin, why did you marry him?" Ted asked.

"Cause I got a thing for bad boys with sleek moves who wear expensive suits?" Robin replied, she didn't even have that much to drink but somehow she felt buzzed.

"I think the two of you make a very sweet couple, it's mesmerizing how in love you are with each other." Tiffany interjected.

"Thank you," Robin answered while thinking that 'sweet' was definitively the wrong adjective for them. On the bright side, they could start a career as actors in Canada, given how well they tricked everyone into believing that they were in love.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Barney asked when he came back to the table.

"Already? It's not even eleven." Lily protested.

"Exactly, it's already eleven and I haven't had sex with anyone." Barney replied.

"Technically not true – Hotel Room?" Robin interjected.

"Way too much detail." Ted frowned.

"What were you guys doing in a Hotel Room?" Marshall asked.

"Please." Barney placed his arm around Robin's waist as she waved goodbye to the others.

Barney gave the cab driver his address, and automatically expected Robin to exit the cab with him once they arrived.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I will go home." Robin replied.

"I got you your own towel."

Robin smiled, "I will check it out another time, okay? I need some time for myself."

Barney scooted back into the seat.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah."

Barney tried to figure out what was going on by looking into her eyes, he couldn't and finally gave in.

"Text me when you are home, okay?" He asked and kissed her.

Robin nodded, "you will call me as soon as you hear something new, right?"

They still hadn't heard anything from the Bureau and whether or not they had found what they were looking for earlier.

"I will." Barney got out of the cab, "good night Scherbatsky."


	22. Chapter 22

**"Graduation Goggles" made me write a fluffy conversation chapter instead of the big showdown. Hope you still enjoy it :) **

**McLarens the next Night**

Barney's arm was resting on the back of the booth, his fingers gently stroking Robins shoulder.

He had noticed that she was distracted and in a melancholic mood when he first walked in.

She and Ted had been sitting at the booth by themselves, and that alone had aggravated Barney. But then he noticed Robin's mood and forgot all about it. He really wished that Ted would get the next round of drinks, or go to the restroom, or just disappear period.

It was weird, Robin wasn't really into talking much, and Ted and he didn't have anything to talk about anymore. He wondered why they were even sitting here, why they were still pretending to be friends when they clearly weren't.

Ted was telling a boring architecture story and Barney leaned closer to Robin and asked softly, "what's wrong?"

Robin looked at him and shook her head, "nothing, I'm fine."

Ted had stopped talking and was watching them curiously.

"Do you mind getting the next round?" Barney asked Ted point blank.

Ted hesitated but then obliged.

"Tell me." Barney said as soon as Ted had walked off.

"It's nothing, really. I am just a little depressed, that's all." Robin replied.

"Did Ted say something to make you upset?" Barney asked, still stroking her shoulder.

"No. Really Barney, it's nothing." She said.

Barney nodded, and pulled her into his arms.

Robin swung her arm around his waist and looked up at him, she kissed him briefly before sitting up again. That was the great thing about Barney Stinson, he hated talking about emotions just as much as she did, and didn't take it personally when she didn't want to share her thoughts and feelings with him.

Not like Ted.

**McLarens earlier that Night**

Robin had come to the bar earlier tonight, ordered a scotch and sat in the booth by herself.

She didn't know what to do with herself anymore, not being employed was starting to get to her. But putting all her energy into the job hunt just to be disappointed when they had to pack up and leave wasn't a variable option either.

Ted joined her half an hour later, "everything okay?" He asked when he noticed the defeated look on her face.

"Yeah….sure." Robin put on a fake smile but Ted saw right through it.

"What did he do?" Ted asked.

"What do you mean?" Robin replied.

"Barney, what did he do to make you upset? Did he cheat – again?"

"Nope." Robin replied annoyed.

"Did he let you down?"

Robin shook her head, "he didn't do anything Ted."

"So you just finally realized what a jackass he is?"

Robin sighed, "Ted," she began, waiting for him to really look at her before continuing, "Stop trying to mess with our relationship, we are happy together."

"Yeah, you sure look happy." Ted replied.

Robin rolled her eyes and took another sip from her scotch, "whatever Ted."

They just sat there for a minute or two before Ted asked,

"what's going on Robin?"

"None of your business." She replied, feeling a little guilty that she treated Ted this way.

"Robin, look, I know I haven't been the best friend the last couple of weeks, but if you have something on your mind and want to talk about it… I am right here."

Robin didn't answer, instead she signaled Carl to get her another scotch. Ted leaned back in the booth and watched her.

"Why did you do it?" he finally asked.

"What?" Robin replied.

"Everything: Hooking up with Barney, marrying him, letting him treat you this crappy. I just don't get it."

Robin looked over to the door, she really wished that another member of the gang would enter the bar and get her out of this conversation.

"Barney is a good guy." She answered, looking at Ted again.

His mouth twitched, and he said, "no he isn't. A good guy wouldn't have seduced his bro's girlfriend while sitting across from him at their favorite bar; a good guy wouldn't have done and said what he has to me; a good guy would never bruise a girl like he's bruised you."

Robin felt like they were having the same conversation over and over again, but then it occurred to her that Ted and her hadn't really talked alone much lately.

"He didn't seduce me Ted, we messed around a little but nothing substantial happened until after we broke up…besides, it takes two to do what we did."

"But the way he treats you Robin…" he looked concerned.

"You got to stop jumping to conclusions so quickly."

"Quickly? I have known Barney for a long time Robin, I've hung out with him a lot. I know what kind of person he is, I know how he treats the girls he sleeps with."

"Do you Ted? Do you really?" Robin replied.

"I think I do, yes. There is a reason he only has one-night-stands."

Robin leaned in, "take it from someone who actually does know what she is talking about; Barney is a good guy, and yes, he tricks and misleads girls to get them to sleep with him, but he is not a violent guy who only cares about his own needs."

"So has he tricked and mislead you too?" Ted asked.

"No."

"Oh common Robin, you can't be that illusional."

"He hasn't Ted."

"Do you regret marrying him?" he asked.

"Believe it or not; I don't. And he doesn't regret anything either."

"Are you sure about that?" Ted asked.

Robin started playing with her ring and nodded, "yes, I am."

Ted nodded, they just sat there silently for a minute.

"So you are not gonna tell me what is going on?" Ted asked.

"Nope."

"Robin, common, this isn't healthy. You have to learn to open up more to people."

"You mean I have to open up more to you." Robin countered and added, "stop trying to fix me, Ted."

She had gotten up to get her scotch from the bar.

**McLarens Present Time**

"What are you doing here?" Barney's excited yelp drew Robin back to the present.

"I figured I could find you here." James replied.

Barney got up to briefly hug his brother, and Robin scooted out of the booth as well.

"Hi Ted." James gave Ted a quick wave before turning his attention towards Robin.

"And look who's here; my favorite sister-in-law!" He pulled Robin into a tight hug and made her laugh.

"What are you doing here?" Barney asked when they all sat down again.

"I was in the city and thought I could stop by, you two don't mind if I crash with you tonight, do you?"

"Not at all." Barney replied.

"Robin?" James checked.

She shook her head, "of course not."

"Well, they don't actually live together," Ted pointed out.

"I know, what's up with that? I mean not that you aren't spending every night together anyways but wouldn't it be easier to share an apartment?" James asked.

"We are considering moving," Robin replied.

"Yeah, to Vancouver!" Ted interjected.

James' head spun around and he eyed Barney suspiciously, "really?"

"Well, it's just an option, we don't know what we are going to do yet." Barney replied.

The two brothers looked into each others eyes for a few seconds before James looked over to Robin and asked her, "so it's been eight months since the wedding, how is it to be Mrs. Barney Stinson?"

Robin took Barneys hand in hers and smiled, "it's great actually, we have grown a lot closer since Vegas. Wouldn't you say so, Barney?"

Barney nodded, "absolutely. Being married isn't as lame as one might think."

James laughed, Robin figured that he had noticed the sarcastic tone in Barneys voice as well, but he didn't say anything.

**Barneys Apartment Later That Night**

Robin had offered to get the sheets from Barneys closet. It had been a nice evening; James, Barney and her had excused themselves rather quickly from Ted and made their way back to Barneys place.

James had given them a rundown of all the things happening in his life, and Robin and Barney had talked about Tokyo.

Neither one of them had brought the fake marriage up again.

Robin was just about to walk back into the living room when she heard Barney say,

"Don't freak out, okay? It's just a back-up plan…we might not need it."

"You never make back-up plans Barney. Stop diluting yourself, something went wrong, that's why you had to come up with a way to start a new life across the border."

"Nothing is set in stone yet, James. We might still walk away Scott free." Barney replied.

Robin swallowed, she shouldn't be eavesdropping like this but then again, James knew Barney better than anyone and she needed to know what Barney really thought about all this.

"You might?" James questioned alarmed.

"Well, they are really digging, so yeah, there is a possibility that they will convict us."

"How did this happen?" James asked aroused.

"What do you mean?" Barney replied.

"How did this get so out of hand, Barney? You are usually so good when it comes to stuff like this, for heavens sake, you have dealt with way more powerful governmental entities in your job. How could you let this happen?"

"It's…her." Robin could barely hear Barney.

"What?" James asked.

"I don't know okay? You can't compare this to my job because this doesn't just affect my own safety and some corporation or government. The stakes are so much higher, the marriage was my idea James, I am responsible if this goes wrong and I can't keep a clear head because all I think about is that I am gambling with Robins future."

"And your own! Visa fraud is a felony Barney."

Robin walked backwards until she reached the bedroom; she put the sheets on the bed and locked herself into the bathroom.

She leaned on the counter and looked at herself in the mirror. What had she gotten herself and Barney into?

She bit her lower lip in an attempt to stop herself from crying but it was pointless.


	23. Chapter 23

**Barney's Office the next Morning**

As soon as he heard Marshalls Message Barney knew that today wouldn't be a day like any other. Five minutes ago he desperately wanted to get out of the conference call and go back to his office, now he'd prefer the North Koreans yelling at him rather than Marshall Erikson.

Marshall had told him to stay put and that he was on his way to see him. It didn't take a genius to figure out what Marshall wanted to talk about.

It's not like this came as a huge surprise, he had seen the writing on the wall when the agents showed up at his office with the warrant, but still, he wasn't ready for everyone to find out his and Robins secret.

So stupid, he should have tapped some of his company resources, this firm had ways to make problems disappear into thin air faster than anything. Plus they owed him, after all he had done for them, after Sierra Leone.

But he hadn't. And now it was too late.

Marshall didn't even knock when he entered the room, neither did he greet him, instead he started yelling right away; "what were you thinking? Have you two completely lost you freaking minds?"

Barney swallowed and glanced over to the Hot Dog Maker, nothing worked better to calm Marshall down than a fresh Hot Dog.

"Do you realize in how much trouble you two are?" Marshall continued, "why did you think you could get away with this? Does Robin even know? Jesus Barney, you don't mess with the government! They could sentence you to a few years in prison! WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING?"

Barney got up from his chair, "slow down Marshall, what happened?"

And so Marshall started to tell him about a phone call he'd received that morning.

**Marshall and Ted's Apartment Earlier that Morning**

"Hello?" Marshall had expected Ted to be calling him, his friend had left his wallet on the kitchen counter this morning.

"May I talk to Marshall Erikson?" a male voice asked.

"This is he."

"Good Morning Mr. Erikson, my name is John Hamilton, I'm an agent with the Bureau of Consular Affairs and would like to ask you some questions."

"Bureau of Consular Affairs?" Marshall asked surprised, his first guess was that they wanted to offer him a job.

"Yes, we are currently investigating Barney Stinson."

"Huh," Marshall replied, he figured Barney had entered some foreign country without a valid visa or had smuggled something illegal into the country and got caught. Just some typical Barney stuff.

"We have reason to believe that he and Mrs. Scherbatsky have committed visa fraud."

"Wait, what?" Marshall stopped in his tracks and sat down on the couch.

"We believe that their marriage is a scam." The agent explained.

"What?" Marshall was still too surprised by this development to think straight.

"You do know that they are married, don't you?" The agent asked suspiciously.

"Of course I know that they are married, they are two of my best friends. But why would you think they are committing fraud?"

"Well, let's just say a lot of things point into that direction."

Marshall rubbed his forehead, "I don't understand, they got married last November, Robin has at least another month before her working visa expires, how is this visa fraud?"

The agent laughed, "let's just start at the beginning, shall we?"

"Fine."

"Since when do you know Mr. Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky?" the agent began.

"I've known Barney for four or five years, Robin two and a half."

"And how long have those two been a couple?"

Marshall swallowed hard as he realized the severity of this interview. This could be used against Barney and Robin, visa fraud was not trivial offense either, someone could go to jail for this.

"Quiet some time actually, it's totally ridiculous to even suggest that they got married for any other reason than love. I mean if you'd see them together you would…"

"I've had the pleasure to meet them in person Mr. Erikson, twice actually. Once at the preliminary questioning and then again when we served them a search warrant."

Marshall's chin dropped, how could Barney and Robin keep something like this from the rest of the group. They were in really serious trouble.

"Excuse me, I still don't understand the grounds of this investigation, Robin has a valid working visa."

"Which was supposed to be revoked after her arrest in November…the only thing that saved her from being deported was marrying an US citizen, which she conveniently did two days prior to her hearing."

Marshall swallowed hard. Arrest? Hearing? Fraudulent Marriage?

"I am sure you understand why we are investigating this case." John Hamilton asked.

"I…yes…the timing is suspicious but that doesn't change the fact that they love each other." Marshall tried to defend them weakly.

"Do you really believe that Mr. Erikson?"

"Yeah, I do." Marshall said and tried to sound confident and mask his real thoughts. There was no way in hell that Barney's and Robin's marriage was based on love.

How could he have been so stupid? Why didn't he question their story more thoroughly? He was a lawyer after all and Barney and Robin were the most commitment phobic people in the world. He should have been much more suspicious when they told them about the wedding. Especially considering the timing!

How could he have been so stupid!

**Barney's Office Present Time**

"So yes, the Bureau of Counselor Affairs is investigating us, that doesn't mean we have committed visa fraud." Barney said as soon as Marshall had given him a shortened version of his phone conversation.

"Cut the crab Barney, of course it does! This explains everything! You and Robin have just been deceiving us, first by keeping the wedding a secret and then by telling us you were in love!"

Barney bit his lip and tried one last attempt at keeping the lies up, "no, we haven't. Robin and I got hitched because of the Bro Code. This investigation is a coincidence."

"And Robin getting arrested shortly prior to your wedding was also a coincidence?"

Barney swallowed hard.

"Yeah, I know about that too." Marshall responded.

"Marshall look, Robin and I have everything under control, it's just a pro forma investigation, nothing to worry about."

"BARNEY! Visa fraud is a felony! This is serious and you two don't have it under control otherwise I wouldn't have gotten that call today. What happened? And don't even think about giving me this 'we-are-so-in-love' crab, I want the truth!"

"Fine." Barney sat back down, "Robin had a slight disagreement with the NYPD and was arrested."

"What was she charged with?" Marshall asked annoyed.

"Why is that important? Point is, they threatened to revoke her working visa and send her back to Canada."

"Barney, you got to tell me the whole truth if you want me to help you." Marshall got louder again.

"I don't want your help Marshall!"

"Barney, seriously, open your eyes! This is not a joke, you and Robin need a lawyer quickly."

Barney got up again, "this is exactly why we didn't tell you guys, we knew you couldn't stay out of it."

Marshall couldn't believe how oblivious Barney was.

"Do you love Robin? Or was all that just make-believe too?"

Barney took a deep breath and said, "we were just pretending."

"So everything was just a big set-up? You planned all of this? You haven't actually been hooking up?"

"Obviously we didn't plan this Marshall. Everything was going fine until Carl went ahead and screwed it up by telling Ted about Robin and me. And then just when everything was kind of settled again they started investigating us and we had to tell people about the wedding."

"Are you or are you not sleeping with Robin?" Marshall asked again.

"I am. But it's casual."

"But you care about her?"

"Well, obviously, I married her." Barney didn't understand what Marshall was trying to get at.

"If you really care about her, you got to stop gambling with her future and hire a lawyer."

Barney rolled his eyes, "well I am not, and BTW Robin doesn't want one either. Now if you'd please excuse me, I have an important conference call to attend. Let's talk about this tonight, McLarens? Eight o'clock?"

Marshall nodded, "fine. But you better think about what I just said Barney. This isn't just affecting you!"

Barney watched Marshall leave the room. He put his head back and closed his eyes. Crab.

He felt almost as bad as last night when he had caught Robin crying.

**Barneys Apartment the Previous Night**

Barney was wondering what took Robin so long, he found the sheets on the bed and figured that she had decided to take a shower and let him fix James' bed. He was almost out of the door again when he heard her.

He walked slowly over to the bathroom door and could clearly hear her sniffing. He raised his hand to the doorknob but didn't touch it. Instead it hovered over the knob for a few seconds before he stepped back. Comforting one another wasn't them.

So he went back into the living room and helped James fix the couch. His stomach was aching though; he had seen Robin cry only once before, the day she told him about her arrest and what had happened. This time was different, she must have overheard parts of his and James' conversation; this time _he_ made her cry.

Robin was lying in bed pretending to sleep when he came back into the bedroom. She was lying with her back towards him and he scurried into the bathroom.

Barney took the pillows from his side of the bed and watched her while doing so. He knew she wasn't asleep yet, was she still crying? He doubted it. He finally turned off the light and was about to get in bed when he had a change of heart. Instead of slipping under the covers he walked around the bed and got under her sheets.

Robin didn't budge and it took him a second to readjust the blanket to cover him and her. He pulled her into his arms and whispered, "starting a new life outside the US wouldn't be _that_ bad, right?"

Robin finally moved, she swung her arms around him and pulled herself even closer to his chest.

"No, it'd probably be awesome."

Barney smiled, "I was going to say legendary!"

Robin chuckled and Barney kissed her hair.

"I am so sorry Barney… I should have never let you do this for me."

"Wait," Barney pulled away a little, "is that why you are upset? Because that would be ridiculous and silly, Robin. You can be upset about _maybe_ having to leave your old life behind, but certainly not about letting me be part of your new one. I am old enough to make my own decisions, and I decided to be your fake husband. I don't care if we have to relocate. As a matter of fact, I think it would push us into an adventure that we would never, ever dare to do otherwise."


	24. Chapter 24

**McLarens later that Night**

Robin was surprised to see Barney and Ted alone in the booth together, she didn't think they were on speaking terms right now.

"Hey," she greeted them as she scooted in the seat next to her husband. She noticed Ted's disapproving look as she placed her purse on the floor, and leaned over to Barney to kiss him. He hadn't looked at her since she walked in, and so she only got the corner of his mouth.

"You can knock it off." Ted interrupted.

"What?" Robin asked while watching Barney, he was acting weird and she began to stroke his thigh under the table in an attempt to get his attention.

"I know that the wedding was a fraud." Ted explained.

Robin looked at him in surprise, "what do you mean?"

"Marshal got a call from the Bureau of Counselor Affairs and was questioned regarding your fraudulent marriage."

"Huh." Was all she managed to answer. She looked back over to Barney, who was still starring at his scotch. A heads-up would have been nice.

"Jesus Robin, why didn't you come to me? Yes we had just broken up but I would have been there for you!" Ted asked.

"Oh common Ted, you couldn't even pull off a fake marriage with a complete stranger, let alone someone you actually care about! It would have broken your heart." Robin defended herself.

"Better than depending on the biggest dirt bag in New York City, and being extorted by him." Ted countered.

Barney got up before she could even answer, and headed for the door.

"Barney, wait." She got up as well but Ted caught her arm and stopped her.

"Seriously Robin, why did you put yourself into such a horrible position?"

"Let go now!" Robin hissed angrily and Ted obeyed.

She ran up the stairs from McLarens and found Barney outside, hailing a cab.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she grabbed his arm to stop him from waving the next taxi over.

"Why do you care?" Barney barked at her.

Robin starred at him in disbelieve, "what?"

Barney turned around, "you heard me Robin. Why do you even care?"

"Because you are my best bro…Why are you so mad at me Barney?" She asked.

Ted had followed them outside, "just let him go Robin."

Robin didn't react to Ted's words, instead she kept her eyes locked with Barneys.

**McLarens an hour Prior**

Barney checked the door once more, he had texted Robin to meet him here and hadn't heard anything back. He really needed to talk to her about what had happened today and he'd prefer doing so before Marshal got here.

The door opened again and Ted entered the bar. Barney took a big swallow from his scotch, he was the last person he wanted to see right now.

"I knew it!" Ted exclaimed as he sat down across from Barney.

"What?" Barney sincerely hoped that Ted hadn't found out the real reason for the wedding yet.

"I knew something was up, it just didn't add up but now it all makes sense!" Ted explained. "That's why Robin is sleeping with you! You did this to help her, and now she feels obligated."

"What are you talking about?" Barney asked.

"I never understood how Robin could have unsolicited sex with you after all the disgusting things you have done. But this explains everything. She wouldn't have touched you with a ten foot pole if it wasn't for this huge favor you did her."

"That's not true." Barney replied, now sounding insecure.

"Barney think about it, why else would someone like Robin hook up with someone like you?"

"Because I am awesome." Barney replied weakly.

"Oh common. She only did it because she felt obligated. After all, sex is all you really care about and Robin knows that."

"No it's not, and Robin knows _that_." Barney defended himself.

"Oh really? When was the first time she slept with you Barney? In Vegas, right? After the wedding. She felt like she owed you something, that's why she did it, not because she actually liked you."

"That's not true." Barney replied, he sounded defeated and that only spurred Ted on.

"Okay, fine, then answer me this; has Robin ever told you that she loves you? The times she told the gang or me doesn't count because those were just part of your lies. But has she ever told you in private and actually meant it?" Ted questioned.

Barney took a sip from his scotch and answered, "not everyone is an 'I love you slut' Ted."

Ted grinned confidently, "I guess that's a no."

"Whatever Ted, you are just jealous." Barney replied.

"Of what? At least Robin slept with me because she actually loved me, and not because she thought she owed me something."

"Robin doesn't owe me anything, and she knows that."

"Then why is she sleeping with you?" Ted questioned.

"Because she wants to."

Ted laughed, "yeah right. Do you really think that a woman like Robin wants to share her lover with countless bimbos? Do you think she would just idly stand by and watch him make out with other women if she actually cared about him?"

Barney clenched his hands into fists and tried to convince himself that Ted was just trying to push his buttons.

"You have no idea what Robin and I have Ted."

"Oh please. What do you have? A fake marriage license that gives you this sick power over her? Stop fooling yourself Barney, Robin is only playing along, she doesn't actually care about you."

"That's not true." Barney disagreed.

"What about Tokyo? She actually fled the country to get away from you."

"She followed her dream."

"Which didn't include you, did it? Clearly she can't care that much about you if she will just pack up and leave as soon as an opportunity opens up. Or did you two actually discuss her move before she accepted the job?" Ted asked.

Barney took another sip from his scotch.

"Yeah, I thought so. She was getting sick of you, that is why she moved to Japan. And who can blame her, who knows what sick things you make her do." Ted didn't try to hide how disgusted he was by Barney.

**Outside of McLarens Present Time**

"Barney?" Robin asked again and brought Barney back to reality.

Ted stepped forward and reached out to Robin, "Robin, Marshall and I will help you figure out what to do about the investigation, it'll be okay. You don't need to please Barney anymore."

Robin swirled around, "leave me alone Ted!"

"No, I stood by idly way too long watching him hurt you. I won't do that anymore." Ted placed his hand on her arm.

Robin looked down on his hand for a second, "is that what you think? That Barney hurt me?" She asked surprised.

"Well, it's clear that he used the power he had over you for his sick games."

Robin shook Ted's arm off and stepped back from Ted, bumping into Barney as she did.

"Ted, Barney has been the most amazing, caring and considerate husband I could have ever wished for these last eight months. He has never held the marriage over my head, and has been defending me grandiosely."

"Oh common Robin, this is Barney we are talking about." Ted replied. Marshall and Lily appeared next to him, they had been on their way down to the bar when they noticed their friends standing on the sidewalk.

"Exactly, this is Barney we are talking about, the real Barney. Not the twisted figure you make him out to be."

"Wow, what's going on?" Lily asked surprised.

"Have you discussed hiring a lawyer yet?" Marshall interrupted interested.

"We don't need a lawyer, Barney has everything under control," Robin turned around and faced Barney, "because he truly is awesome."

Barney's defeated look lightened up a little, and she didn't even know what he knew yet.

**Barneys Office Earlier that Day**

It was a risky move, but he had to do something. Besides, things weren't looking that good for them anyways, he could gamble a little.

So he had called his _guy_again, and offered another check if he took a look at their file. The guy reluctantly agreed, and Barney had nervously waited three hours until he finally got the call.

"This is the last time, don't call me again!" The guy had greeted Barney.

"Did you get in?" Barney asked unimpressed.

"Yes."

Barney waited for him to continue and finally said, "I am paying you to read and tell, so spill."

"They pulled the original police report from Mrs. Scherbatsky's arrest, it has suspicious gaps, but it looks like they aren't getting any information from Mr. Smith. They have also accessed the information your company has on you, I assume you know about the warrant?"

"Yes, they requested a copy of my file."

"Well, it looks like that's a dead end as well. They hoped that you hadn't disclosed your wedding from the start, but you did. Additionally you made Mrs. Scherbatsky the beneficiary of your life insurance, coupled with the fact that you never signed a pre-nup strongly implies that this marriage is based on love. After all, who gets married these days without one? Especially considering your net worth. It will be hard to disregard this evidence in court."

Barney smiled slightly, "anything else?"

"They are currently trying to trace down girls you have hooked up with recently, apparently your womanizer side is not a secret among your co-workers."

Barneys smile grew bigger, he would never admit this to anyone, not even Robin, but she had been the only girl he had slept with since their wedding.

"That should keep them busy for a while." He commented.

"This is far from over Mr. Stinson."

Barney knew that, but for now he had regained control of this mess.

**Outside of McLarens Present Time**

"Robin, this isn't a parking ticket we are talking about, Barney can't simply handle it. You are risking being deported." Marshall was the first to speak again.

"Marshall is right, he is gambling with your future!" Ted jumped in.

Robin shook her head, she couldn't believe how her friends – his friends – were talking to Barney. She looked back at him, really wishing they had never found out about the investigation.

"Robin, don't you see that this is just a game to Barney? Everything in life is! He uses people without them even realizing it to get what he wants, which most of the time is sex. I get that it sucks to realize this and that it hurts, but, he didn't do this because he truly cares about you, he did for his own sick reasons." Ted had stepped forward.

"Ted." Robin turned to Barney as he placed his arm around her waist, "you are absolutely right, I am a jerk who likes to manipulate and deceive people. I have lied and tricked women to get them to sleep with me, and then more."

He paused and looked at Robin, "but, you missed something Ted. And that's the fact that I fell in love with my wife."

The End

**Well, that's it: My first fanfic ever :) **

**I truly enjoyed reading all you guys' comments and feedback, thanks so much for taking the time to write those! **

**I hope you had a good read, and that I didn't slaughter the English language too much. **

**I'd love to hear your thoughts. One of mine is that I ****_might_**** write a sequel focusing more on Barney's job and what he actually does for a living. I really enjoyed writing all the Corporate Barney scenes and think that there is a lot to explore, especially since the characters are so well developed by now. But that's maybe something for later, for now I am really happy to have finished this one.**

**=) **


	25. Chapter 25

**There have been a few comments lately asking for the sequel, I actually did start writing it; it's called "Dangerous Territory" :-)**


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